


Moments in Between

by somethingstomyself



Series: Better Together [3]
Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 48,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18983458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingstomyself/pseuds/somethingstomyself
Summary: I was somewhere in between, with only two, just me and you.





	1. Only Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many ideas to write, so little time.

 

 

 

_Darling I feel you, under my body. Darling you’re with me, forever and always._

 

 

* * *

 

 

She didn’t have plans for today except for spending time with Juliana. It didn’t matter what they end up doing, just to be together and enjoy the rare calmness that their hectic life allowed them. She thought they could start with breakfast, and she really had intentions of making it. She even brought the groceries. But Juliana had other ideas, clearly.

 

It started innocently enough. Kinda. Because Valentina knew where this would end up, since the moment she woke up to the warmth of Juliana she knew that they would eventually end up here again. Waking up with Juliana soft naked body and the doting way she stroked Valentina, it filled her with so much love and happiness, that she’s been buzzing with giddiness since then.  

 

The kiss is hard and desperate but Valentina can’t help herself, she has never felt so much before. Juliana kiss her with the same intensity and Valentina needs her closer. She grabs Juliana’s hands and pulls their bodies more tightly together, but it's not enough. It's never enough with Juliana. She tugs the coat Juliana has but gets distracted when Juliana bites down on her lower lip and Valentina whimpers, overwhelmed with the consuming need to feel Juliana’s skin against her own. She wants to kiss so many places, to explore so many things and the need to do them all it’s becoming too much.

 

Juliana seems to get it. “Val,” she whispers against her lips. She tries to slow them down, caressing Valentina's jaw but her breathing is just as hard as Valentina's.

 

“I just-” she wishes she could explain to Juliana, the pure and raw want that she feels consuming her. It seems like she would die if she doesn't do something about it.

 

“I know,” Juliana’s pretty swollen lips smile at her. She feels the same way, Valentina can clearly see the desire in her gaze. Juliana leans in and captures her lips in long, deep kisses. It doesn’t really help to quiet down the desperate need she’s been feeling since Juliana's first kiss her.

 

Valentina sighs when she finally manages to take the coat and shirt off Juliana. She’s so lost on the taste of her mouth, her soft skin and the hands on her hips, teasing at the edge of the waistband that the murmured words go unnoticed to Valentina’s lustful mind. It takes several tries and some tugging before she understands what Juliana wants.

 

It would have been wonderful if they could have made it to the bedroom but in reality it's a miracle they get to the couch. It’s not ideal, Valentina had other plans. She wanted to take her time and learn what Juliana likes, what makes her shiver and moan in pleasure. She wanted to go slow and enjoy every second, but she didn’t take into account how weak she is to Juliana.

 

They stumble into the couch, frustratedly tugging their clothes. Valentina finally lose her top and groans at the fingernails digging her skin. She can’t wait anymore and grinds hard against Juliana’s leg, desperate for release. Valentina leaves wet kisses against Juliana’s jawline and impatiently bites her ear lobe, Juliana grunts and looks for her mouth to kiss her more deeply.

 

It’s so messy and dirty, they are desperately grinding against each other on the couch because they couldn’t make it to the bedroom. Valentina press their foreheads together. Juliana’s biting her lip, lost chasing her release and Valentina feels she could come just at that sight alone because Juliana’s close too, it’s in her half-lidded gaze, in the firm grip she has on her hips and the jerky movements she makes against Valentina. She just needs a little push. Valentina pants her name and when Juliana looks up, she recognizes that same naked want that she feels, reflected in pretty brown eyes. That’s all it takes, her hips stop and her back arches, pleasure washing over her lovely face. Only then Valentina lets go and gives herself to the same release.

 

She shivers, wonderfully tired out. It should embarrass her, to be so eager and hasty that they can't make it to bed but when Juliana laughs at the situation Valentina's smiling too. She feels so happy, it should be scary to be feeling so much so soon but it’s not. Like everything with Juliana, it only feels right. It's like she’s finally where she’s supposed to be.

 

Juliana sinks more heavily on the couch and Valentina snuggles against her neck, leaving a sloppy kiss there.

 

“That escalated quickly,” Juliana playfully mumbles.

 

“It’s your fault,” she kisses the spot between neck and shoulder one more time.

 

“What? How come?” Juliana starts scratching Valentina's head. The post sex cuddle is her favorite part now. Before she didn't care for it, she never cared for her partner that much beyond the pleasure that sex could bring her. But with Juliana, this is different too.

 

“I was about to make breakfast before you rudely interrupt me with your wicked ways.”

 

“Mhm,” Juliana hums happily, Valentina feels that she’s smiling, “breakfast sounds nice.”

 

“Ok, in a minute because I’m pretty sure I can’t move right now,” Juliana’s response is a forehead kiss and Valentina feels her smile in there too.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

It’s not what Juliana expected, and it’s not like she had great expectations for her first time. She thought it would be different, she imagined pain and most likely disappointment because she thought sex would be something that she’ll have to get use to, that it would take time before it could be enjoyable. But it wasn’t.

 

It isn’t.

 

Being with Valentina feels natural. Simple. Effortless. And for someone with such a grueling life like Juliana, where everything demanded so much of her, being with Valentina is a welcome change. A relief. Since the moment they met, their relationship had a comfort and easiness that Juliana had never felt before.

 

So, of course their first time would be like that too, with awkward moments of shyness for being naked with someone else, worry for doing something wrong and anxiety for doing it right. But also, with trust in the other person to say if it is too much and the respect to stop, if it is. It was their friendship that made everything so perfect. They were clumsy, not knowing what to do or where to touch but they laughed about it, enjoying this new aspect of their relationship together, because that’s who they are.

 

They are sprawled in the bed when Juliana asks Valentina if her first time was like that. At first she thinks Valentina fell asleep because she takes her time to answer but eventually, she quietly says, “no, it wasn’t.”

 

“Was it bad?”

 

“It was different.”

 

“How?” Juliana should leave it alone but she’s curious now. She’s not trying to compare, Valentina has more experience than her and she's been with more partners but Juliana wants to understand that sad look Valentina had in her face so long ago when she talked about her past relationships.

 

“Now it’s perfect because it’s you. Because it’s us.”

 

And Juliana can understand that, if nothing else. She can’t explain it but they both feel it. It’s not just sex, and it’s not just love, it’s all of it. In the love they share and in the attraction they feel for each other. It’s because their friendship and the care they feel. It doesn’t make any sense but that’s how it is.

 

It’s special because they are special.

 

It’s perfect because it’s them and Juliana wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Eva calls her at noon, wanting to know where she is and why she didn’t have breakfast this morning. It makes her anxious because she doesn't know how Eva is going to react when she finds out about her relationship with Juliana. She imagines it won't be good.

 

Eva’s way too overprotective of Valentina, she can be terrifying when she puts her mind to it. Valentina never had problems with this before because they never were on opposite sides. Not like this at least.

 

It makes her think about what would happen when everyone else finds out. Everything’s going to change. She’s not naive because even thought society likes to think they are progressive she knows some people are going to have problems with it. They will see her differently, even if she doesn’t feel that different.

 

The press, her friends, her family. It’s so scary because everyone would judge her and treat her like her feelings for Juliana are wrong, but they are not. They are the most pure, precious thing in her life.

 

Juliana tries to distract her, but it doesn't really work. A simple call from her sister reminded Valentina of the world that still exists outside this perfect little bubble they managed to create. She just wanted to enjoy it a little bit longer, but now it feels like the world is catching up with them and this wonderful time would be over soon.

 

“Let’s just go,” she proposes, lost in her eagerness to stay here, in this happy place with Juliana.

 

“Go where?” Juliana calmly asks.

 

“I don’t know, away,” she’s clinging to this moment where only Juliana and her exist. She knows she’s being absurd but she can’t help it.

 

Juliana’s quiet and Valentina thinks she scared her, but eventually she answers, “ok, but where? I want to go to the beach,” a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth and eyes full of love.

 

“The beach would look on you.” She knows she’s just indulging in her little fantasy, still trying to distract her but Valentina can only love her all the more for it.

 

“It would look good on both of us,” Juliana kisses the smirk on Valentina, and for a moment everything is perfect.

 

She can see them having a good time sunbathing and playing on the ocean. She would definitely enjoy Juliana in a bikini. Maybe she can teach Juliana how to swim in the ocean.

 

“Have you gone before? To the beach.”

 

Juliana settles more comfortably on top on Valentina. They haven’t left the bed, despite Valentina’s best intentions to show Juliana around the Valle house. Not that she’s complaining.

 

“When I was little, I don’t really remember but there are pictures.”

 

“Then we’re definitely going now.” It excites Valentina to be able to show her new things, to experience them with her, “and I need to see those pictures of baby Juliana.” But Juliana only laughs, not taking it serious. Valentina needs to see them. Maybe she can ask Lupe about it.

 

“Why do you want to go away?” Juliana ask after, giving Valentina time to enjoy her little fantasy a little while longer.

 

“It’s just-” she takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to say how scared she is of the simple idea of her sister finding out about them. “I want to go away somewhere where is just the two of us.”

 

“It’s just us right now,” she strokes Valentina’s cheek, behind her ear. It calms the anxiousness clawing in the pit of her belly.

 

“I know but I don’t want other people to meddle.”

 

“Then they won’t,” she sounds so calm, so confident.

 

“But-” Valentina wishes she could make Juliana understand because she can’t trust other people. She tries to explain, “this is the most genuine thing I have ever felt in my life. I don’t want to let it go.”

 

“Then don’t,” Valentina blows air in frustration because Juliana doesn’t get it, it’s not that simple. “Val,” she laughs but her tone is tender, “if you’re in, I’m in.”

 

It stops her fretting mind. It’s not that Juliana dismiss the rest of the world, it’s that she doesn’t care about them. For Juliana, other people don’t factor in their reality, only _they_ matter and what _they want_. What a beautiful, smart girl she found herself.

 

“Let’s make a deal, no matter what happens or who comes between us, you and I are together. No one will tear us apart,” Valentina offers her pinky to Juliana, “ _pacto?_ ”

 

“ _Pacto_ ,” she takes Valentina’s pinky with her own and tugs with a smile in her pretty face. She seals their promise with kiss.

 

“You know, you can’t break pinky promises.”

 

“I won’t break it, why are you doubting me now?”

 

“I’m just saying.”

 

“Why are they so special?” Juliana snuggles more closely, settling her head in Valentina’s chest, just above her heart.

 

Valentina get lost in a memory, one of the few that she can remember. She recalls a little Valentina sticking her pinky finger, trying to mimic what her mother was showing her and looking to pretty brown eyes. She remembers the happiness in them the most.

 

“My mom used to say that,” she tries to clear her fuzzy mind. “Guille was sick, so I gave him my favorite stuffed bunny so he didn’t feel so alone in bed. My mom saw us and made me pinky promise to never change,” she can still hear her mother’s laugh when she saw her giving the bunny to her brother. “You have to really mean them because you have to look at the other person in the eyes when you do them.”

 

“I won’t break my promise, Val.” Juliana holds her more tightly after that.

 

It scares her not knowing how would people react. What will her friends say? Or what would Lucho do? But most importantly, how will her family take it? Especially Eva, who's always been so overprotective and narrow minded when it comes to her siblings.

 

It scares Valentina but she’ll deal with it when the time comes. Right now she would enjoy this precious time she has with Juliana. Because the only thing that really matters is here, in her arms and Valentina’s not going to let anyone take that from her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever to write this chapter and I'm still not sure about it, but I hope you liked it!


	2. Hey, Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy pride month!
> 
> Thanks to everyone that left kudos and comments. It's nice to know someone liked my work, even with all the mistakes I made. I'm trying!
> 
> That said, I hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoy writing it.

 

 

 

_Hey, sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?_

_Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you. There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s all Guille’s fault, really.

She was calm when she got to the house, secure in her decision of not saying anything to Eva. To avoid the subject all together. Juliana reassured her she didn’t have to say anything she wasn’t comfortable with, and Valentina just wanted to enjoy them for a little while longer before they have to deal with everyone else judgment.

But the minute she sees the bags on the bed and Guille’s troubled expression, the plan to deny everything and ignore Eva goes out the window. Guille rails her up in how unfair Eva is with them and she can’t mess with their lives anymore because who do she thinks she is? Who gave her the right to decide for them? They have to stand up to her because she’s going to ruin their lives and they can’t let that happen. They deserve to be happy.

It’s with Guille’s words echoing in her mind that she ends up blurting the whole thing to Eva. Between her brother’s words taunting her to do something and Eva’s rude comments about Juliana, she can’t help herself and admits the whole thing to Eva, if only to annoy her.

“I know dad’s death affected you. It hurt all of us, in different ways. These feelings you _think_ you have for this girl it’s just depression,” of course Eva belittles her but it stings when she brings their father’s death to justify this.

“This has nothing to do with depression,” Valentina gets so angry and her voice shakes but she won’t allow Eva to dismiss her feelings, “I like Juliana. I’m in love with Juliana,” it’s not something she thought to say to Eva but Valentina wants her to know, without any doubt, how serious she is about Juliana, “I’m in love with her!”

“I can’t believe this is happening to me,” Eva mumbles, not hearing her.

“This isn’t happening to you. It’s happening to me, Eva!” They are screaming at each other because Valentina’s as stubborn as her sister and she won't back down with this.

“But you are my sister, you are a Carvajal,” Eva’s furious and that’s the worst kind of Eva to argue with. She has this ability to know where to hit for it to really hurt.

“You being the older sister doesn’t give you the right to tell me, or Guille what to do, ok?” Valentina has trouble breathing and can barely hold the tears because Eva’s never been this malicious and cruel to her, “do you want me to leave too? You are going to end up alone, Eva,” she can see that hurts her but Valentina doesn’t care. She always knew what Eva’s capable of but Valentina never thought she would be on the receiving end.

“You know what? Thank goodness dad isn’t here because if he was, he would be very disappointed in you,” it’s so painful to hear her say these things, it breaks Valentina’s heart.

“Don’t bring dad into this!”

“No? And what do you think he would do? Applaud you? Celebrate? And mom-”

“Eva,” Valentina barely manages to say the word, but it quiets Eva instantly. To bring their father’s one thing but to bring their mother’s another. And Eva knows it, she knows she cross a line. Valentina sees the regret in her sister's eyes but Eva's too stubborn to apologize.

Her poisonous words cut Valentina so deep that for the first time she looks at Eva and doesn’t see the mother figure, loving and protecting she always saw in her big sister. Valentina can feel their relationship shattering beyond repair. She can clearly see how their bond, always so strong, crumbles before her eyes with every toxic word her sister shouts at her.

Valentina doesn’t think they can come back from this and maybe that’s what hurts the most.

If someone so important and fundamental in her life could reject her like this what else there is for her? She ends up crying in her bedroom because she won’t let Eva see how much she affected her and how scared she is of the things she said being true.

She sends a text to Juliana, wishing her sweet dreams and telling her how much she wishes she could be with her right now.

It’s all Guille’s fault. He prompted her to stand up to Eva, and he’s not here to comfort her now. He left her all alone.

Valentina has never felt so disconnected from her siblings before. Not even when she was abroad, they abandoned her like this. Their only job it’s to take care of her and they are falling spectacularly at it.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Juliana spending the day with Valentina usually means that her daughter is in a good mood after, so Lupe’s surprise to find her so bummed out in her room. Tense, with her arms cross and that pout she makes when she’s upset. Lupe lies down beside her and tries to comfort her with kisses and affectioned care, like so many times before. It had always comforted Juliana, and it reminds Lupe when she could hug her daughter’s problems away.

 

She wishes things were that simple.

 

“What is it, honey? I can feel your tension from far away,” but Juliana only press her lips more tightly, “did you fight with Valentina?”

 

“No, not at all,” she mumbles and at least that got her an answer.

 

“What is it, then?” But Juliana refuse to talk.

 

Juliana has always been a quiet kid. She barely cried when she was a baby and at first, Lupe thought it was a blessing because a baby that rarely cry meant a baby that’s hardly upset. But with time she realized that Juliana made herself quiet to not unsettle El Chino, and it weighted in Lupe’s guilt. She never knew how much it cost Juliana to have them as parents as in those moments that she saw her little girl make herself small and bottle up her feelings.

 

Eventually she learned how to talk to Juliana, to listen to her to help her when things got too much. Lupe still has trouble with it, sometimes she doesn’t listen like Juliana needs her to and sometimes Juliana simply doesn’t want to talk. Like now.

 

It doesn’t mean she will stop trying, “Juli, I know you have grown up and you have a right to your private life. To keep secrets,” not that Lupe really believes that. They don’t have secrets between them, “but I only want you to know that I’m here to protect you. To take care of you. To _listen_ to you,” but Juliana only clenches her jaw more tightly, “you can trust me.” It’s clear that Juliana won’t talk, she’s not even looking at Lupe. “Sometimes secrets can suffocate you-”

 

“Mom,” she interrupts and for a moment it seems that Juliana would tell her but she sighs “I want to sleep.”

 

Lupe concedes, holding her tightly for a moment, so Juliana can feel that she’s right here. Juliana doesn't want to talk about it and Lupe will let her be for now but something is bothering her daughter and she will find out what.

 

But Juliana still doesn’t want to talk about it the next day and Lupe can’t help her if she doesn’t know what’s upsetting her.

 

“What’s going on, _'mija_? You look worse than last night,” it might not be the right thing to say but Lupe is losing patience, Juliana isn’t usually this tight lip. “Come on Juli, tell me,” but Lupe can see the stubbornness in her lips, “aren't  you going to say anything? We used to tell each other everything,” and it annoys Lupe that apparently they aren’t like that anymore.

 

“Mom, leave it. I don’t want to talk about it,” and Lupe should know better. She knows her daughter well enough to see the warning signs. But Lupe wants to know, she has to know what’s wrong with Juliana. She keeps trying until she brings Valentina up.

 

“I knew it,” Lupe can’t help the satisfaction she feels for guessing, “it was obvious it was going to happen. The girl’s beautiful and she’s a good person, but she’s from a different world Juli. You two are like-”

 

“And who asked you for your opinion?” it stuns Lupe to see such a visceral reaction from her because Juliana doesn’t like to get angry, she doesn’t shout to her like this.

 

“Fine, but don’t be like that.” But it’s too late, Juliana shouts at Lupe more. It’s so shocking to see her daughter like this. Juliana mumbles her discomforts and never argues beyond some tough words, she doesn’t shout angry words at her mother.

 

Lupe shouldn’t have push her. They never fought like this before. Juliana’s rude and disrespectful and for a moment Lupe doesn’t recognize her. She snaps at Lupe not to meddle anymore and it confuse her because it was never meddling before, it was caring. There weren't topics they couldn't talk, and it irritates Lupe to feel so far away from her daughter.

 

She doesn’t understand what is it that anger Juliana so much. Obviously the subject of Valentina is sensitive but Lupe can’t understand the sudden outburst. Maybe Juliana didn’t get what she was trying to say because it’s not that she thinks ill of Valentina, she’s not that ungrateful. She simple thought it wouldn’t be unusual if Valentina got tired of them. Lupe wouldn’t blame the poor girl. It’s bound to happen at some point because no one is that good to complete strangers, especially someone that comes from so much money like Valentina does.

 

They both need to calm down, she would give Juliana space before trying again. But she never gets the chance to do it.

 

The news of that vile man’s dead makes the scar in her stomach burn in pain. It should relieve Lupe that he’s dead, after everything he put her through he deserves the end he got. But Lupe only feels shock, cold fear. How could she be so stupid? For a moment she allowed herself to forget. She purposely ignored the danger they were in and let herself relax.

 

For all his flaws and shortcomings, El Chino always knew what to do in these situations and one of the first things he taught her was to never let her guard down. No matter how secure things may seem, she always had to have an exit plan ready. It’s how they survive.

 

When she was trying to escape or fighting for her life in a hospital bed, there was only one thought in her mind: Juliana. She realized how utterly alone Juliana would be if something happened to her. It's Lupe's biggest fear, the one thing she promise herself to never do to Juliana, to leave her alone without a mother or anyone to take care of her. She will take care of her child, no matter what.

 

“What if we leave? I’m feeling better,” but she can see that same hesitation that appears in her daughter’s eyes every time she brings up the subject of leaving. “We can’t risk it, they can kill me,” Lupe doesn’t care that she’s being a little manipulative. She will do whatever she need to do or say to convince Juliana.

 

Juliana’s dejected gaze it’s enough for now, Lupe gets that she doesn’t want to go but she’ll get over it, eventually.

 

Lupe leaves Juliana to come to terms with it and goes, dreadful of the calls she needs to make. Since the moment she came back to Mexico, she knew this moment would come, and she’s been delaying it for as long as possible. After all that happened and how she left things between them Lupe can’t imagine how her mother would react or if she’d take her back.

 

When Juliana was born, and she didn’t have a clue about taking care of a baby Lupe missed her mother so much that there were days that the heartache of her absence burned her. Her kind brown eyes, smoky voice and rough hands cut by hard work that always remain soft to the touch. She raised Lupe with love and kindness and Lupe payed her with awful words and running away with a man she thought was worth it.

 

Her hurtful face still hunts Lupe.

 

She feels so ashamed and guilty and wishes that their reunion were under better circumstances but the most important thing is Juliana’s well being. And Lupe will do anything to protect her daughter, even if that means facing her greatest regrets.

 

Just like back then she needs to hold tightly to her daughter and everything would work itself out.

 

As long as they stay together, they’ll be ok.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

After wandering the house he finds her in the pool, drinking. He sighs. Leon thought she was past this. Apparently the fight with Eva was worse than what he initially thought. He didn’t catch what they were fighting about, only heard the screaming from the kitchen and for a moment he thought of going upstairs and demand them to stop but decided to try and talk to them in the morning. The opinion of the driver wouldn’t have being well received, anyway.

 

Eva was already gone when he got to the house. Not that she would to talk to him in the first place. Chivis said that Valentina was still in the house so he went to look for her. Approaching slowly, not wanting to upset her more, he examines her. She doesn’t look drunk, just incredibly sad. It breaks his heart.

 

Jacobo sits beside her and ask her what’s wrong, ready to help fix whatever made her sad. It reminds him when he used to ask her to tell him about her problems so he could help her fix them. He didn’t always get it right, he never knew how to properly listen. But he’s still trying, he wants to learn and be a better father, even if she can’t see it anymore.

 

She tells him how alone she is now that Guille left because he fought with Eva, “maybe I should do the same.”

 

“No, don’t say that.”

 

“Seriously. I mean it,” and Leon knows she does. It saddens him because Valentina loves living here, of the three of them she never wanted to move out. She must be really upset with Eva.

 

“Your father worked so hard all his life so you could have a home.”

 

“This place is not a home. It stopped being a home the day my mother passed away.”

 

One of the worst things of being in this body is hearing his children say these things. It’s true though, maybe that’s why is so painful to hear. He gave them a house, but it was their mother that made it a home.

 

“You have an older sister you can rely on,” he tries but he can see that’s a mistake too. The pain and anger are visible in her eyes. Clearly Eva’s not a good topic.

 

He still so bad at this.

 

And Eva’s not making it any easier. She has such a strong bond to her siblings, Leon knows how deeply she loves them. She just doesn’t know how to show it in a healthy way. She loves them so tightly that it worries Leon that she would end up suffocating them.

 

“Life’s full of bad moments,” he tries again, not knowing what else to say, “the only thing we have left is to face them.”

 

Leon needs to have a talk with Eva because she's destroying the only good thing he did. The three of them have to remain together because at the end of the day, they only have each other. They are family and they can only trust each other. Especially now, with so many people trying to take advantage.

 

Not so long ago, he thought Lucia was part of that family too.

 

“It’s fine to be vulnerable too,” that seems to be the right thing to say and he shouldn’t say anything else but he can’t help himself. “May I say something? Isn’t it a bit early to be drinking?” and she smiles, so he thinks it's safe to keep talking, “I mean, I’m not sure if drinking is the best way to cope.”

 

“I don’t know how to do it,” she murmurs, so scared. It reminds Leon of when she was a little girl afraid of clowns.

 

Simpler times.

 

“You can lean on friends,” and because he thinks is important to say, “or maybe, if you have a special friend.” He hopes that she gets what he’s trying to tell her. He didn’t understand it at first, too shocked to see beyond the complications on his plans and the years of judgment grained in his brain. But he gets it now. He noticed how happy Valentina is, how light and carefree she's become since Juliana came in to her life and that is the only thing that matters.

 

He doesn’t know her well but Juliana seems like a good kid. Definitely an improvement from Lucho.

 

The answering smile in her daughter’s face lets him know that she understood.

 

He puts all his love in the forehead kiss he gives her. Hopefully she can feel it.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Between Valentina’s lack of response and Lupe's paranoia, Juliana feels like she is about to lose it. She can’t help the anxiousness coiling in the pit of her stomach and Lupe’s making things worse, demanding answers Juliana isn’t ready to give.

 

Valentina said that she would tell her if something went wrong and she hadn’t said anything in her texts but Juliana still feels like something went wrong because it’s very likely that something happened and Valentina doesn’t want to worry her. She keeps picturing her scared little face when she left her the night before and Juliana only wants to know if she’s ok.

 

Juliana didn’t think it was that big of a deal because Eva didn’t know, and she thought Valentina was simply overreacting. But she looked so scared about the possibility, as remote as it seemed, of Eva finding out. It worries Juliana. Maybe she should have being more understanding, she doesn’t really know Eva except from a brief passing in Guille’s party and she didn't seem that scary, just worry for her little sister. But Valentina must have her reasons to be concern.

 

Valentina sent her a text the night before but she was asleep by then so, Juliana answered in the morning. Valentina didn’t text her back and it shouldn't worry her but Valentina always replies her texts quickly, even when she’s half asleep.

 

Lupe’s worse during breakfast and it annoys Juliana. She doesn’t want to talk about it and Lupe knows it but she refuse to accept it. She’s forcing Juliana into a conversation she doesn’t want to have and any other day, Juliana would ignore her but she’s anxious for Valentina lack of response to her various texts.

 

Lupe assumes things that aren’t true and Juliana won’t allow her mother to say anything bad about Valentina. After all the things Valentina has done for them, how could Lupe think anything but good things of her?  Even if they had fought, Valentina wouldn’t just throw them to the street. She’s a good person and Juliana won’t allow her mother to say otherwise.

 

She ends up screaming, and hates Lupe for it because she doesn't like getting like this. She doesn’t like shouting or yelling and her mother knows it but she still forced them into this situation. She leaves the table to try to cool down.

 

She tries calling Valentina but she doesn’t answer. Maybe she’s in class or asleep but Juliana only wants to know if she’s ok. She needs to hear her voice, only for a moment, and everything would be ok. If Valentina could just tell her that she’s being silly, then Juliana could finally calm down.

 

Lupe finds out about the death of the guy that shot her and freaks out. She talks about leaving again and Juliana understand, even if she doesn’t like it. She feels so helpless, if she could only speak with Valentina she knows that they would find a solution and that everything would work out.

 

Juliana calls her again but it goes straight to voicemail. It’s obvious that Valentina’s ignoring her and Juliana doesn’t know what to think anymore. Maybe Valentina’s mad at her. Maybe she’s in trouble. Maybe she thought better of it and changed her mind. It doesn’t matter the reason, Juliana needs to see her, even if Valentina’s mad at her and she doesn’t want to see her anymore. Juliana only wants to make sure she’s fine.

 

She's ready to leave but finds Eva on the other side of the door. Juliana only saw her once, in passing and didn't paid attention, too worried about Valentina at the time. Now she has Eva’s full attention direct at her and it’s a little frighting. She has similarities with Valentina but Eva is hard where Valentina is soft. They have the same expressive eyes but Eva’s are harsh and cutting so Juliana can only imagine why she is here. It makes her fear for Valentina.

 

Eva doesn’t even want to greet her. It annoys Juliana because it reminds her of all those time people looked down at her for her worn-out shoes and faded shirts. She knows too well that look of superiority that Eva has.

 

“I’m impressed,” Eva has a slick smirk and a displeased look, “first you seduce Valentina and then you come to live here, in Chivi’s house. What’s next, uh? To live in my father’s house?” Juliana won’t say anything, she just breathes and prepares because she can tell Eva has just started. “I know Val’s very naive, she lives in this fantasy world where she thinks everyone has good intentions,” it offends Juliana that Eva belittles Valentina like that, “but not me. I know how people really are. Who they really are, deep down. I’m her big sister, and I will always be here to protect her from people like you.”

 

“You don’t know me,” Juliana’s firm because Eva doesn’t have a clue about who she is. She just assumed things about Juliana because she’s poor.

 

“I don’t have to, I know your kind.”

 

Juliana takes a deep breath and tries to focus, she doesn’t want to argue with her. “Look, Eva, I don’t have bad intentions. I don’t want to take advantage. What I feel for Valentina is real.”

 

“I don’t care what you feel, I won’t allow you to ruin my sister’s life,” Eva dismiss her.

“Look, I don't have anything against gay people,” she scoffs, looking down at Juliana “seriously, I’m all in for sexual diversity and that they adopt kids. Get married, have parades. All of it,” the amusement in her eyes becomes aggressive, “but all that away from my family.”

 

“Eva, I’m not trying to ruin her life. We are-”

 

“Can you honestly say that you won’t?” she sneers, “have you really thought about what it would cost Valentina? She lives a life I won’t expect you to understand. You don’t have a clue about what it is to be in the public eye where everything you do is judge and mock if it doesn’t meet the standard. I won’t allow Valentina to be ridiculed because of you. So, I will ask you to stay away from my sister before you ruin her life.” Eva lowers her voice to a threatening tone, “or I will have to ruin yours,” and Juliana can see it in her eyes, that’s not an empty threat.

 

Eva leaves with a scornful smile, knowing she achieved what she came here to do. Juliana feels so empty. First her mother mockingly saying how different Valentina and her are, and now Eva telling her how she’s going to ruin Valentina’s life.

 

Juliana’s heartbroken. She can see what’s the real problem Eva has with her. Ultimately, it’s not just because Juliana’s a woman but because she’s a poor woman and to Eva, that’s the worst kind. Of course Eva would want her as far away from Valentina as possible, she would never be good enough to her little sister.

 

In a twisted way, Juliana can understand Eva.

 

Maybe wanting to be together isn’t enough.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

She ignored the texts Juliana sent her because she didn’t want to worry her. She knows Juliana would want to see her, to try and make it better but Valentina can still hear Eva's voice warning her not to bring Juliana nowhere near the house.

 

She just wanted a moment to settle her erratic mind before talking to Juliana.

 

Valentina needed to numb the pain for a little bit, so she tried with the only coping mechanism she knows and grabbed the mezcal. It didn’t work but talking with Jacobo did. At least for a while. He asked her what was wrong, ready to help her, and there was something in the way he asked that it reminded Valentina of her father. She missed him terribly in that moment.

 

In some weird and inexplicable way she finds comfort in Jacobo. He means well but she can tell how unaccustomed he is to this. She appreciates that he at least tried. Eventually he succeeded in calming, with mirth in his eyes suggesting her to trust in a special friend, if she had one. It loosened the knots in her stomach that Eva had left.

 

She went to class, or tried to because she ended up fighting with Lucho. He started with the same empty promises about changing and being a better boyfriend but when Valentina didn’t listen, he got angry and demanded to know if she left him for someone else because he would beat him up. It made her furious to think about him doing anything to Juliana. She warned him to back off. She won’t allow him to come anywhere near Juliana. His friends ended up dragging him when he started screaming and shouting at her.

 

She ignored Juliana's call even if she knew that she shouldn’t but she couldn’t talk to Juliana then, when she still feeling so fragile and scared. Valentina was barely keeping it together, and if she heard Juliana’s worried voice, asking if she was ok, Valentina would have lost it.

 

Hoping to find the quiet she so desperately needs, she ends up in her room, only for Eva to disturb her even there. It's sad to see how little Eva really thinks of her. Valentina’s so tired of discussing with someone that refuses to listen, so when she hears her brother’s voice she goes to look for him, leaving Eva talking alone.

 

“I thought it was you,” she hugs him tightly, not wanting to ever let go, “I’m so glad to see you.”

 

“How have you been?” He mumbles in her hair.

 

“Not good,” Valentina was so upset with him yesterday, but now she realizes how much she misses him. “So much has happened since you left,” they sit in the bed, “how are you?”

 

“I could be better,” he gives her a small depreciative smile, “my tires were stolen and I can’t buy new ones because I don’t have any money.”

 

“You poor thing.”

 

“I can’t find a job but I called some buddies from college, they'd help.”

 

“I will buy you new ones, if you want,” she offers. It seems that’s the only help she can give him.

 

“No, it’s fine," he smiles but she can see how defeated he feels, how much this is weighing on him. "It’s been a little harder than I thought. But that’s life, I suppose,” it breaks her heart to see him so sad and not being able to help him. “You? How are you?

 

“It’s harder than I thought it would be,” Valentina feels like crying until there's no more tears left to cry. "I told Eva," she whispers, still a little scared.

 

He winces knowing very well how difficult Eva can get, "how did it go?”

 

"Oh, you know,” she dismisses, “as we expected."

 

"That bad, uh? Do I have to talk to her?”

 

"It's ok Guille, I can handle it,” not really, but Valentina doesn’t want them fighting over her.

 

"Are you sure? Because I will fight for you,” he’s joking but Valentina knows him well enough to know how protective he can get. He smiles this big brotherly smile he has for her, eyes full of mirth. It fills Valentina’s bruised heart. “Remember that it’s my job to defend you from the evil witch.”

 

Valentina loves him, "you never were that good of a dragon, you know?”

 

"I’m offended, I’m an amazing dragon,” and he truly looks insulted at her doubting of his loyal duties as her protector. He sobers up and quietly ask, “you would tell me, right? You would tell me if she-you would tell me.” He looks afraid of what her answer may be.

 

“Yes Guille, it’s fine,” she assures him because she can’t tell him. He would never forgive Eva and she can't bear the thought of Guille losing his big sister too. They might be fighting now but they always fight. Valentina knows Guille won't forgive Eva if he finds out.

 

“Well, maybe this is how things are supposed to happen,” he says it for her sake but also for his own, “so we can finally live the lives we want to. It takes a little suffering, right?”

 

“More?” It doesn’t seem possible. Sometimes it feels like life only keeps taking from her. Still, she appreciates his optimism. “You know, everything’s easier when we are together. I mean, you clearly need me.”

 

“Deeply so,” he smiles.

 

“Please don’t be far,” she doesn’t want to lose more people, especially someone so essential to her existence.

 

“I won’t be,” he takes her hand. “I pinky promise to never leave you, remember?” She hugs him, clings to him as hard as she can because she definitely doesn’t want to let him go now. No one understands her like her brother does. He speaks her language like no one else. Valentina hates he won’t be around so much now. “Plus, I want you to meet Renata. And I need to meet Juliana too. Properly, this time.”

 

“Let’s run away, the four of us, please?” She jokes, settling into his arms.

 

"I will go wherever you tell me, Val." He whispers and Valentina can tell that he means that too.

 

Now that she is finally calm she can talk to Juliana. Guille made her realize that if all this suffering means she can have Juliana, then it would be worth it. If at the end of all this heartache she can be happy with Juliana then she will bear it.

 

They promised to not let anyone come between them and Valentina won’t let Eva break her promise to Juliana, no matter how painful it is to lose her sister.

 

Juliana is all she needs.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. Next one will be a tough one.
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. I finally figured out the time line for this! I took me forever but I'm excited for some scenes and I can't wait to share them with you :)
> 
> 2\. I still love writing Eva, sorry.


	3. Tú

 

 

 

_Eres tú, amor, mis ganas de reír, el adiós que no sabré decir. Porque nunca podré vivir sin ti._

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When Valentina finally comes to see her, Juliana doesn’t feel the relief she thought Valentina would bring. Her presence doesn’t bring the comfort she had hoped for, even when she hugs Juliana tightly and mumbles words Juliana can't hear. She only feels empty.

Valentina’s nervous. Unsettled. It’s in the way she can’t stop talking or how she hasn’t look Juliana in the eye since she got here. She looks sad, too. Hurt. Even when she tries to appear cheerful, Juliana can see the bags under her eyes, how her smile is small and her pretty eyes are full of misery. Juliana imagines why.

“Hi!” Valentina hugs her again. “I missed you today,” she murmurs the words in Juliana’s neck.

“Maybe if you would have answered at least one of my many texts or calls,” Juliana doesn’t want to sound angry but she’s still hurt by Valentina’s attitude.

“I’m sorry,” Valentina pouts, she does seems remorseful. Juliana’s heart pounds heavy with guilt.

To avoid Lupe, Juliana convince Valentina of going somewhere else, but Alirio doesn’t let her in the car. How childish can Eva be? Juliana doesn’t care but Valentina’s furious with him, even though it’s not his fault. The end up in a park near the house.

It reminds Juliana of when they met.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Juliana asks after Valentina tells her about her fight with Eva.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she mumbles, squeezing Juliana’s hand. She’s been twitching since they sat down, so Juliana took her hand, hoping to comfort her. It pains Juliana how vicious Eva can be, even with her own sister. Especially with her.

Juliana kiss her forehead and sighs, “Val, you not talking to me made me worry.”

“I’m sorry,” she nervously plays with Juliana’s hand. “Are you really that mad?” Valentina asks when Juliana says nothing else.

“Eva came to see me,” she answers instead.

“What?! When?” She lets go of her hand, withdraws into herself. She rests her elbows on her legs and looks away. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I called you, remember?”

“But you should have said something sooner!” Valentina hides her face behind her hands and growls, frustrated.

“How? You weren’t talking to me,” Juliana bites back. She can understand that Valentina’s irritated, Juliana’s upset too but fighting about it won’t help them. “I’m telling you now.”

“What did she want?” Valentina’s anger can be felt in the distance she puts between them, in the tension on her jaw and the hostility of her words. 

“For me to stay away from you because I will take advantage,” Juliana deadpans, looking away too.

Valentina gasps a couple of times. “Oh my god,” she bitterly laughs. “I can’t believe her. Who does she think she is?”

“Yeah,” Juliana dismiss, she doesn’t care about Eva and what she may think of her. They have more important things to talk about, “it doesn’t matter.” 

“It does matter, she can’t treat you like that,” Valentina’s understandably furious with Eva, but Juliana’s so tired of this whole situation. She just wants this day to be over already. “I really don’t know what’s happening. I don’t understand.” Valentina stares pleadingly at her, looking for comfort that Juliana can not longer give.

“Val,” she carefully starts, still not looking at her, afraid of seeing the same pain she feels in Valentina’s eyes. She doesn’t want to, but since Eva came this morning and with her mother dead set on leaving, Juliana knows that it doesn’t matter what she wants. “I don’t know if we should continue with this.”

Valentina’s dumbstruck. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, not knowing what to say. Juliana takes a deep breath to gather strength and looks at her in the eye.

“With what?” She eventually whispers. Juliana just looks at Valentina because they both know what she means. Her blue eyes are so sharp, so full of anguish. She’s daring Juliana to say it out loud.

Only then Valentina will believe it, only then it will be real.

Juliana wishes it wasn’t.

“With us being together,” she mutters and can see how much it hurts Valentina, how her heart breaks at Juliana’s words. Like a blow to her chest, it knocks the air out of her and she blinks rapidly, trying to hold the tears.

Even with so much pain, they are the prettiest eyes Juliana has ever seen.

“Wha- what about our pacto?” She barely says the words.

“Maybe we were naïve, Val.”

She’s looks incredulously at Juliana. Offended at the suggestion. “I’m willing to give up whatever I have to, I will fight anyone,” she’s pissed off and maybe that’s easy. “I don’t care if it’s my family, my friends. I don’t care who I have to fight so I can be with you.”

“No, Val, I’m not-“

“No?”

“No!” She shouts because that’s exactly what Juliana wants to avoid. She doesn’t want Valentina to have to choose one or the other. Valentina needs her family, her support. Juliana doesn’t want her to lose that for her. “I mean, my mom just got out of the hospital. The narcs are still looking for her.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” She blurts out. She’s too upset to listen.

“I don’t even know how long I would be in the city,” Juliana snaps. Valentina won’t let her explain, she won’t ear it.

“It doesn’t matter!”

“It does matter, Val.”

“Why are you saying this now?” She’s so lost, “I don’t understand why are you saying this.”

 

“Val, I don’t know how my mom will react.”

“It doesn’t matter how your mom will react, Juliana!” Valentina yells and Juliana doesn’t react well to that. If she’s push, Juliana will push back.

“Don’t you realize how complicated this is getting?” She tries to reason with Valentina. She knows that if Valentina would let her explain, she will see it too, she will understand what Juliana’s trying to do.

“I do not care!” She scorns. Valentina’s being so stubborn and Juliana’s losing her patience.

“I don’t want to affect your life,” why does she has to be so difficult about it? It’s not easy for Juliana either.

“My life’s already affected, Juliana!”

They are both too frustrated and angry. They should talk more calmly because all this shouting and screaming at each other is pointless. They won’t achieve anything beyond hurting each other.

“You know? Let’s not- let’s not see each other anymore, ok?” Juliana refuse to look at Valentina and see the damage she caused. She knows how much she just hurt her, but Juliana’s suffering too and is easy to focus on that.

She gets up and leaves. Even though she knows shouldn’t do it, even when she knows how cruel it is to leave her alone, especially when she promised not do it, she does it anyway. 

It’s not fair to Valentina but Juliana’s still so mad. 

At Valentina for making it so hard.

At Eva for making it impossible for them.

At her parents for still being a burden in her life.

But mostly, she angry at herself. She wishes she could have explained herself better, more calmly. Maybe then she could have made it more clear. Maybe then they could have talked about it and figure out something together. Found a less painful solution.

Life is so unfair. Juliana feels the sting of tears in her eyes.

Because Eva is wrong in a lot of things, but she had a point. Juliana loves Valentina but what can she offer her? Their reality is so different and apart that maybe love isn’t enough. She doesn’t have money or a job, she didn’t even finish high school, and Juliana knows that Valentina doesn’t care about that but Juliana does. 

It feels like she has nothing good to offer Valentina. She’s the daughter of a hitman, still trying to escape that live. 

It’s so heavy, to carry the weight of a past that’s not even her. So very heavy and Juliana’s so tired of it.

People want to kill her, because of who her father is, and that’s something Juliana can’t get away from, no matter how much she tries. Sometimes it feels like she’s still trapped in that trailer park.

It’s dangerous enough for her, she doesn’t need to drag Valentina to it too.

She deserves so much more than that.

They both do.

 

Except, Juliana doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Valentina’s an absolute wreck when she storms into the conference room. She’s hysterical, Eva can tell she’s been crying, and for a moment Eva fears that something happened because the last time Valentina was so unsettle was when Leon died.

“Can you explain to me, what were you thinking about showing up at Juliana’s house to insult her?” Valentina chokes up at the name and struggles after. 

“Valentina,” Eva warns when she realizes what this it about. Eva resist the urge to roll her eyes and curses the moment she complained about her dull day.

“At her own house? Really? I don’t understand-“

“Val, please. We are working, all right?” She points out, because Valentina may not care about the company, but Eva does.

“Ah, are you embarrassed about this? Are you- because I am embarrassed that you showed up at her house to insult her!” Valentina’s voice shakes with rage.

“Vale-“

“You are crazy! You really are-“

“Valentina, you can’t talk to me like this. I’m working,” this isn’t the time and place for one of her tantrums. “Can you leave us?” Eva scorns, honestly she’s done with this. Clearly, it’s the wrong thing to say, she can see the same stubborn look she gets in Valentina’s sharp blue eyes. She definitely won’t back down now.

“Oh, I’m going to explain to you,” Valentina turns to the man from accounting, “because it may be all very confusing for you.” Eva stands up but Valentina won’t even look at her. “What happens is that my sister is upset-“

“Valentina, stop. Shut up-” Eva tugs at her, thrust a finger in her face and warns her to stop.

“-she is upset by the fact that I like women.”

“Shut up, Valentina!” Eva’s screaming at her sister in the middle of a workday. She can see people gathering on the hallways to watch the spectacle. “Stop it, it’s enough!”

She needs to control the situation before it escalates more. She asks Mr. Ortiz to leave them alone and tries to calm down herself first. But now that she’s closer to Valentina, Eva takes a closer look at her. Valentina reeks of alcohol and her eyes have a vacant look, puffy for crying too much. It makes Eva mad, of course Valentina would get drunk, over emotional and come make a scene here.

“Vale, what is wrong with you?” She scolds. 

“It’s not that I like women. It’s one woman,” Valentina mumbles between tears, “I like one woman, who is incredible and makes me a better person,” her voice wavers but she continues, “and I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to take that away from me.”

“No, Valentina, listen.” Eva snaps. “You can’t come here and yell at me in my workplace. You are confused.” She shouts because Eva’s had enough with this nonsense. “You don’t know what are you saying, what you are feeling.”

“I am not confused, Eva!” Valentina explodes. She screams, furious at her and charges at Eva.

“Yes, you are,” Eva won’t back down but it shocks her to see so much rage in Valentina because she never thought her little sister was capable of it.

“No!” Valentina snaps, with so much venom in the word. Her piercing blue eyes have a feral, murderous look. “I’m not confused!” She grabs Eva’s hands and push. “You are the one who’s confused. You think you can tell me how I feel.”

She has all the warning signs screaming at her to treat lightly. To stop now before they cross a line from where they can’t come back later. Eva’s being wavering at the edge of the line already, since the moment she brought up their mother. She clearly saw how much it had hurt Valentina but she still didn’t apologized. She still didn’t back down then and she won’t back down now. 

She only wants to protect her little sister, even if she can’t see it.

Valentina’s being emotional, that’s all. Eva knows better, she knows how to take care of her. She’s been doing it for her whole life.

But right now, she’s losing her patience. Valentina’s beyond reason at this point, “Vale, I have had enough of this topic. I’m tired of it, stop it.”

“You are not my dad,” Valentina sneers, “so leave me alone.”

“No, I’m not your father-“ but when Valentina keeps yelling, Eva shouts louder, “you listen to me. That relationship you had with that girl is over!”

Suddenly, all the fight leaves Valentina. All the anger and fury are gone in an instant. Just like that. It’s like Eva said the magic words and they vanish. Instead, Valentina gets a bleak and empty look on her face. It’s worse that all the shouting and cutting words. It feels like she broke her little sister.

“Yeah, well-yes, it is over,” Valentina takes a deep breath. “You know, she doesn’t want to see me now and I can’t-“ she pants and more tears fall. “I can’t blame her. Nobody likes it when someone comes to their house to call them a thief.”

“Vale, listen to me,” Eva grabs Valentina’s face, desperate for her to understand. “You can’t put your neck on the line for her. You don’t know her, you don’t know who she is. You can’t do this.”

Valentina takes Eva’s hands and removes them. She speaks slowly. “I know perfectly well who she is,” her voice breaks. "She’s the only person who put a smile on my face after my dad died." Eva can see the struggle her little sister has to keep talking, how much it hurts her to say the words, “and now, thanks to you, I don’t have her either.”

Overwhelmed with sorrow, she cries. Big tears roll in her pretty face, twisted in agony. It’s unbearable to watch.

It always has been.

Eva never couldn’t stand the sight of Valentina suffering like this. Crying with so much pain and hurt. Valentina loves so deeply and she hurts just as much.

“Oh, Val. Please,” Eva begs, “please don’t-” she tries to talk pass the knot in her throat. “Please don’t get like this.”

“I can’t believe you’re my sister, I swear,” Valentina pants but the harsh words sting deeply. It’s the worse thing Valentina could say to her but Eva decides to ignore it. Valentina’s upset, she’s not thinking clearly.

“Come here,” Eva hugs her, tries to calm her because Valentina’s having trouble breathing for crying so much. “Calm down,” Eva grabs her face so Valentina can focus on her and mimic the breathing. Just like when she was little and Eva had to calm her down after one of her episodes. “You’ll see that all this will pass. It’s temporary,” she talks in even calm tones, even if she’s terrified. “You’re just confused, it’s all,” Eva tucks Valentina’s hair, trying to sooth her. “Soon, everything will come back to normal,” she promises. Eva would do everything in her power to make it so.

Valentina’s breathing slowly in an out with her eyes closed. Calm. She removes her face from Eva’s hands and looks directly at Eva. Her eyes have so much pain and misery that it breaks Eva’s heart. “I hope you end up alone. I really do.” She moves away, shaking with contained disgust. “Everything that happens from now on, Eva, is your responsibility,” she says it like a treat and Eva dreads if it is.

From the corner of her eye she can see Lucia standing outside the door. After everything Eva’s done to her, she knows Lucia’s smiling in victory. “I know this may be a good moment for you, but not now Lucia.” Eva begs, not looking at her because she can’t stand to see the smug expression that Lucia surely has.

Surprisingly, Lucia says nothing and when Eva looks up, she only sees a worry, stunned expression on her face. Lucia quietly nods and goes away.

Eva faces the wall, away from the hallway full of people and let the tears fall.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Lucia heard the screaming all the way from her office. She got out ready to lecture about the importance of professionalism in the workplace to whoever was causing such commotion. There are people whispering in the hallways, but with a single look from Lucia they go back to work.

She gets to the conference room and is surprised to see Valentina screaming at Eva. She can’t see Valentina’s face but Eva’s face is full anguish. Lucia has never seen her so affected before.

It worries her because she never saw them fight like this. She wants to go there and ask what’s wrong. She wants to make sure that everything’s fine or to help them anyway that she can. But Lucia knows that’s not a good idea. She learned the hard way not to intrude in these moments. These are siblings moments. Family moments, and she’s not welcome in them.

Instead, she observes at a distance and only approach if  it’s necessary.

When Valentina dashes out, Lucia sees how distress she is and decides to follow her. She has to make sure she’s ok because the memory of Valentina, wet and sobbing in her arms after almost drowning, still hunts Lucia. She doesn’t want to think what would have happened if Jacobo wasn’t there that day.

Lucia won’t let that happen again.

First, she would check on Eva, even if Eva ends up screaming at her too. Honestly, it would be a welcome reaction. It’s what’s normal for them and Lucia’s used to it. She prefers Eva’s spiteful dry insults to the broken plead asking her to leave her alone. They may never see eye to eye, but that doesn’t mean that Lucia doesn’t care for her. 

She’s Leon’s daughter, Valentina’s only sister, and she knows how much she means for Valentina. But by the daunting look on Eva, trying to discreetly dry a tear, and Valentina’s dishearten expression, it seems that something between the Carvajal sisters broke beyond repair. Lucia dreads that they can’t come back from this.

She quickly goes for her purse and asks her secretary to call downstairs for the driver to wait for her, and to call Mateo to the conference room.

When she makes to the parking lot, Valentina’s not happy to share the ride, but says nothing. Just sulks in the seat and ignores Lucia. Her only response is to say no when the Alirio ask if they are going to the house.

“Where do you want to go?” Lucia ask but Valentina’s quiet, looking through the window. “I have an idea, if you don’t mind.”

Silence it’s the only confirmation she gets. At least it’s not the harsh negative that Alirio got. They go to a park and she manages to coerce Valentina to go with her and sit on the hammocks. The playground is far enough that at this time of the day they can have a little privacy.

They are quiet for a long time, watching people pass. Lucia doesn’t mind, she can wait.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Valentina eventually mutters, but Lucia wasn’t about to ask either. She’s finally calm enough that can properly breathe and she’s not shaking anymore. But she’s still tense and the heartbroken expression on her face remains.

“Ok, what do you need then? How can I help you?” But Valentina gets quiet again.

“I used to come here a lot, before. It was one of my favorite places.” Lucia starts. Valentina keeps looking at her feet digging the dirt, but Lucia knows she’s listening. “I used to watch people here and imagine their lives. What they do? What they like?” Lucia used to do it a lot to escape the horror that her actual life was. She often imagined herself being friends with those people. “Are they spies on a secret mission?” She winks when Valentina looks up.

“That lady over there,” Lucia points out a woman on a bench with a dazed gaze, who’s anxiously checking her watch, “she looks like a teacher, maybe?”

“She looks like a witch,” Valentina deadpans.

It’s an odd thing to say but now that Lucia takes a closer look at the lady, she seems suspicious. The woman has dark long hair and a bunch of bracelets that ring every time she moves, which it’s constantly because she’s keeps anxiously glancing over her shoulder and muttering to herself. She’s waiting for someone and she isn’t happy about it.

“She does, doesn’t she?” Lucia tries to point out what exactly is that gives such a specific vibe, “Why is that?”

“I dont know, she just seems the type.” Lucia contemplates the eccentric lady trying to pinpoint what is it. Suddenly, a lanky grumpy man arrives and they start arguing. He’s snaps, annoyed with the woman and leaves her talking alone, almost knowing that she would follow. Which she does. They walk away, loudly arguing like an old couple.

What an odd-looking pair.

Valentina sighs and Lucia comes back to the moment. She’s gazing at some people selling lottery tickets.

“Julia-“ her voice breaks a little but she takes a breath and continues, “she- she used to sell lottery tickets in a park like this one.“ Lucia has no idea who Valentina’s talking about, but she can sense the importance in Valentina’s tone. She speaks with reverence, with adoration.

“Is that how you met her?”

“Kinda,” Valentina smiles, but it’s such a sad smile, it hurts Lucia to see it in her face. “I was really sad because of dad and I had fought with Lucho that day. She saw me crying and approach me to know if I needed something.“

Lucia feels a little lost but knows she needs to treat lightly, “that’s nice of her.”

Valentina laughs, lost in the memory. “She tried to rob me, after that.“

“That doesn’t seem so nice.”

“She was trying to cheer me up,” Valentina still smiles but her eyes shine with tears. She’s sad but speaks so fondly of her friend.

How curious.

“You know, when I met your father,“ Lucia blurts, not knowing how else to say to distracted Valentina. “I didn’t know who he was,“ a complete lie, Lucia knew perfectly well who Leon Carvajal was, “and I stopped him in the lobby of his own company, demanding his credentials.“

“Really?” Valentina.

“Yes,” it was a very calculated move but Lucia remembers it fondly. “I didn’t allow him to pass the lobby, and he only laughed at me.” She still remembers his eyes, curiously watching her make a fool of herself. “A lasting impression.”

“Yeah,” Valentina smiles, longingly looking at the people selling lottery tickets and Lucia knows they are thinking about different people.

She’s more calm now but she still fragile. Talking about the friend she made at the park seemed to calm her. Valentina beamed remembering her, even though she’s still incredibly sad. Not even speaking of Leon cheered her up like speaking of that girl did. Lucia feels like she has the answer in front of her but can’t quite see it.

Valentina doesn’t want to talk about her fight with Eva and Lucia won’t push her. She doesn’t know what made them argue so cruelly but it must be serious. Eva and Valentina don’t fight. Not like this, at least. They have had their differences in the past, they are complete opposites after all but they  love each other deeply, so Lucia can’t fathom what cause such an awful fight between them.

Valentina’s a kind, carefree person and Lucia has never seen her so angry before, especially at Eva, who despite her cruel and vicious ways, has never got a rise from Valentina before. Lucia wants to understand but she won't push Valentina to talk. Not about her fight with Eva and not about anything else, hopefully her presence it's enough.

 

Eventually they make it back in the car. Lucia foolishly believed that Valentina was better, despite her downcast expression, she seemed calmer. But that quickly vanish when they get inside the car and Valentina turns to her with eyes full of fear.

“I don’t want to go back to the house, I don’t-“ Valentina mumbles, it seems to physically hurts her say the words. “I can’t see her Lucia, please,” she grabs Lucia’s hand and begs.

“You don’t have to,” Lucia hurries to say, and at least Valentina’s not panicking but she still holding tight. “We would look someplace where you can stay.”

“You don’t have to do that, I’m not your responsibility,” she looks so lost and defeated. It breaks Lucia’s heart.

“I want to do that Valentina. I want to take care of you, in any way that you let me.” Her relationship with Leon may be based in lies and deceptions but that doesn’t mean that she genuinely loves Valentina. “It’s what your father would have wanted.”

Valentina throws herself at Lucia and cries, apologizing over and over. Lucia shush her, holding her until her sobs subside and she falls asleep on Lucia’s lap.

She’s going to kill Eva.

Which it’s ironic because Lucia always thought it would be the other way around.

Her mind is rushing through options, trying to come up with a solution. Valentina can’t be alone right now, and she can’t throw Eva out of the house, much as she wants to.

Lucia digs her phone from her purse, careful to not disturb Valentina, and calls the only person who would know what to do.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

When she finally gets to the house, she finds Chivis crying in the kitchen. Eva panics. Valentina’s threat echos in her mind. Eva’s still haunted by Valentina’s pretty blue eyes, always looking at her with love and affection, hardened with anger and so much hate directed at her. She rushes to Silvina and demands answers, but the poor woman only cries harder and mutters senseless words.

“Chivis! What happened?! Where is Valentina?” Eva loves her, but she’s two seconds away to slap her if she doesn’t answer.

“She left,” comes Lucia’s solemn voice from the other side. She’s sitting by the window, calmly drinking and if Eva hadn’t been so worry with Chivis, she would have seen her before.

“Where is she?” Eva turns to Lucia, and Silvina excuses herself the moment she lets go.

“She’s with Guille. She’s going to spend some days with him.”

“What? That’s absurd,” Eva scoffs, “what is it with these two?”

“Maybe they aren’t the problem,” Lucia answers taking a sip of her glass, not looking at Eva.

“Look, I appreciate what you did today,” she is, because god knows Eva doesn’t deserve it but this doesn’t concern Lucia. “But don’t meddle, ok? This is a family thing.”

“Eva,” Lucia puts her glass down and looks at her for the first time, “Valentina was really upset today. I don’t know what happened between you two and frankly, I don’t care,” she appears calm but Eva can see the fury behind her eyes. “What happened today, can’t happen again,” she slowly enunciates every word.

Eva rolls her eyes. “Look, I already talked to Ortiz and explained it to him.” It had taken her the rest of her day to calm the frenzy of gossip that Valentina’s outburst had cause. “I would talk to Valentina went she stops being so melodramatic about it and comes back. Don’t worry, I got it under control.” Eva pours herself a glass of wine, she fucking deserves it after this awful day. “I will explain that she can’t just show up to work and-“

“Eva, this isn’t about work.”

“Is it about her tantrum?” Eva asks puzzled.

Lucia doesn’t answer at first, she just stares at Eva in disbelief.

“Did you know she almost drowned herself once?” The change of subject stuns Eva but Lucia doesn’t wait for her to catch up. “She was really drunk and felt on the pool,” she’s looking pass Eva, with a painful expression, “she kept apologizing because she thought she was being an inconvenience.”

“Wha- Why nobody told me about this?!” 

“She stopped drinking. She was getting better, Eva.” Lucia’s stares at her with so much rage. How dare she look at Eva like this? Like she’s at fault. “And now she’s worse than when your father-“ she stumbles at the mention of Leon and Eva hates her for it. “I don’t know what you did, I don’t care. But let me make myself perfectly clear, I won’t allow you to do this to her.”

“Allow? Who do you think you are, Lucia?! Valentina’s my sister,” the nerve of this woman. First, she took her father and now she wants to take her sister too? “You don’t have to allow anything because you don’t need to protect my sister from me. I take care of my siblings. _Me!"_   She's shouting but Eva doesn't care. "Not you and certainly not my father." She's the one that had to hold Guille through the tears on his first birthday without their mother. She's the one that had to explain to a little girl over and over that her mother was gone and wouldn't come back anymore. She's the one that had to swallow her pain and suffer in silence because her siblings needed her. "I have done it my whole life!”

Lucia's a little taken aback at first but she schools her features. “I won’t tell you what to do but you should really think if it’s worth it.” Lucia stands, not reacting to Eva’s outburst. “Consider if this fight with Valentina is really worth it, because you may lose her over it.”

 

And with that she leaves Eva fuming alone in the kitchen. Why is everyone overreacting over this thing? Eva honestly can’t understand it. It’s just a girl, why Valentina’s been so stubborn about it?

Eva doesn’t know what pisses her more, Lucia telling her how to take care of her sister, or Lucia hiding the pool incident from her.

Maybe, what angers her more it’s that Lucia might be right.

Damn her.

 

 

 

//**//

 

 

 

Valentina doesn’t fully understand how she got here. She doesn’t remember falling asleep and she doesn’t remember waking up either. Everything’s fuzzy, her mind feels heavy, slow, and her thoughts make little sense.

They’re on the couch, watching a movie.

No, they are on a bed watching a movie.

Right?

The tv is background noise. Neither of them is following the plot of the show.

But, weren’t they about to watch a movie?

Maybe it’s a movie. It’s not like she’s paying attention. She can see the screen, but the images are figures and colors, and she can’t hear what it says, just hears the dim noise.

It should scare her, to feel so lost and not know where she is or how she got here. But she has always felt secure in Guille’s arms, nothing bad can happen to her here.

There’s a nagging feeling that tugs her mind and demands her attention. But Valentina knows that it’s only pain. She can feel it slowly creeping in, squeezing at her heart.

She sinks her face in Guille’s chest, chasing the peacefulness he provides. He’s half sitting against the headboard but moves to give her more room and caress her head once she settles.

Valentina knows it’s inevitable though. Now that she’s awake there’s no running away from the painful memories. Suddenly, she remembers Juliana at the park and it hurts to breathe.

Did Juliana really say that or Valentina imagined the whole thing?

The crack in her heart painfully reminds her that someone had broken it, it’s not just her imagination.

She isn’t sure how it happened, the only thing Valentina’s certain is the excruciating pain that Juliana left went she walked away, asking Valentina to not see each other anymore.

She clenches her fist with Guille’s shirt, trying to will the tears away.

It doesn’t work.

Guille just holds her, drawing circles on her back to soothe her sobs.

Valentina can’t wrap her head around it. Yesterday everything was fine, they were happy. Together. In love. And now, only a couple of hours later, she’s alone with a broken heart.

It doesn’t make any sense. How did she manage to ruin it so quickly? Was it because she didn’t answer her phone? Was it really all Eva’s fault?

They have never fought like that. The only other time Juliana got that mad with her was when Valentina tried to buy her something. She didn’t get at the time because for Valentina, it wasn’t a big deal but for Juliana it was. Valentina hated every minute they were apart.

 

It’s even worse this time because Valentina didn’t know what Juliana’s lips taste like then. She didn’t know what waking up in her arms was like. And now that she knows, Valentina’s sure she needs it more than anything. She needs Juliana’s smile in her life. She needs her pretty eyes, her hugs, her kisses, her touch, her love. Valentina needs Juliana in her life and it’s so unfair that she doesn’t have anymore because Eva decided otherwise.

Eva.

She doesn’t know what she was expecting when she went to see Eva, but she was beyond caring at that point. Valentina vaguely remembers anything other than shouting and yelling. She distinctly remembers the anger, urgent and destructive that she felt. She has never felt so much rage before. She hated her sister so much in that moment.

How someone who’s supposed to love you, who says to love you so much, can be so hurtful?

After Juliana nothing felt real, she felt spiraling out of control and fighting with Eva only made things worse. Drinking hadn’t help, the pain hadn’t numb. She still felt an aching emptiness firmly set in her chest that made it hard to breathe. 

It still feels like that.

It was the first time, since her father passing that Valentina felt that lost, not knowing where to go or what to do. She doesn’t know what she wouldn’t have done without Lucia. It had been her only comfort.

Lucia took her somewhere. It wasn’t the house, but somewhere outside.

 

Where had they go?

Valentina remembers a swing.

Was it a swing?

Yeah, Lucia had taken her to a park. Valentina recalls silly stories and Lucia’s soothing, calming words trying to calm her crying.

Not once Lucia asked about her fight with Eva.

Valentina’s so thankful for her, and while she would prefer to have never lost her mother, at least got Lucia in the end. It’s one of the few people she has left. For a moment she had Juliana too and her life felt complete.

But she doesn’t have Juliana now. Eva made sure of that.

Valentina’s so tired of losing people.

Her mother’s passing wasn’t as hard as her father’s, and even she doesn’t remember much about her, Valentina feels her absence every day. With her father, Valentina remembers everything. His kind, loving eyes. The mirth in them. His booming laugh and how he always had a smile for her, no matter what. She remembers his perfume, and how his hugs felt like the safest place in the world.

She’s still trying to deal with not having him anymore. Some days are better than others. It’s the strangest feeling, not having that steady force she could always rely on. She would be fine one moment but in the next, it would hit her all over again. It’s like missing a step and the feeling of falling, dreading not knowing how you will land, because the thing that was supposed to catch you isn’t there anymore.

Her parents’ sudden death taught Valentina that nothing in life is certain, nothing is guaranteed. Still, she always thought her siblings would be the exception and they would be by her side, no matter what. Guille tries, so hard and Valentina loves him so much for it, but he’s not there anymore. Not really, not like before.

Eva not only abandoned her but she hurt Valentina so deeply that Valentina was force to leave her house because the thought of seeing Eva makes her nauseous with panic. Eva’s sharp words cut her so profoundly and irrevocably, they harm her so intently that Valentina had to leave her parents’ house, the house she has lived her whole life. And Valentina loves that damn house. It feels like the only connection left with her parents. It has always been a place of comfort for her.

She hates Eva a little more for pushing her to doing this.

For forcing her and Guille to leave their house. Their parents’ house.

For thinking she can decide about her life.

But she especially hates Eva for hurting Juliana, who had done nothing but support Valentina and been there when one else cared.

Eva and her won’t come back from this, Valentina’s sure now.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_Te regalo mis silencios, te regalo mi nariz. Yo te doy hasta mis huesos pero quédate aquí._

 

 

 


	4. Interlude 1

 

 

 

_Hoje lembrei do teu amor, hoje lembrei de coisas que eu nunca esqueci_

_E como poderia, se você me marcou pela vida inteira._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_At first, she doesn’t know where she is. She slept so profoundly that it’s harder than usual to wake up. She feels sore and drained, heavy against the mattress. Valentina doesn’t remember falling asleep, she thinks she black out from exhaustion. But it was a good kind of tired. She stretches, smiling when she remembers why she feels she’s so satisfied. Valentina blinks the drowsiness and irritation of falling asleep with her contacts on.  Slowly Juliana’s pleased face comes to focus. She too far away for Valentina’s liking, so she tugs at the hand that’s been caressing her hip and Juliana complies, pressing closer so every part of their bodies touch. Valentina closes her eyes and hums, basking in the feeling of Juliana’s warm skin against her own._

__

_“Hi.”_

__

_Juliana kiss her cheek and whispers her reply._

__

_Neither of them wants to burst the bubble they are in. Soft words and tender, lazy touches. Juliana plays with her hair and Valentia gets lost in those brown pretty eyes, in the love she finds in them. Valentina bits her lip trying to contain the smile that pulls in her mouth. She’s so in love with this girl, so stupidly in love. They are just staring at each other and Valentina has never felt so much happiness doing something so simple. It’s ridiculous, and she feels her cheeks warm up about how silly it is._

__

_“How long did I sleep?”_

__

_“A while.”_

__

_“Sorry,” her response gets muffled by the pillow when she tries to hide her blushing face. “It’s all your fault.”_

__

_“You can’t blame me every time, it doesn’t work like that,” Juliana giggles, an adorable wrinkle in her nose._

__

_“It does when it’s true,” Valentina puffs because it is Juliana’s fault. Valentina’s only human, and there are only so many orgasms one can take before passing out._

__

_“You weren’t complaining before.”_

__

_“There was nothing to complain about.”_

__

_“No?” Her tone carries a small trace of doubt that Valentina confirms it’s really there when she sees it creeping in Juliana’s eyes._

__

_“Not one thing,” Valentina emphasizes each word with a kiss, “couldn’t you tell?”_

__

_“Mhm.”_

__

_“Should I prove it to you?” Valentina slides a leg over her hip until she’s stranding Juliana’s lap._

 

_Juliana’s laughs echoes in the quiet room. It's the sweetest sound. Valentina kiss her to taste it._

__

_It’s everything that their first waking up together wasn’t. There’s no rush to go anywhere, no need to hide, no one demanding their attention. It’s just them, and it’s the only thing that matters._

__

_Valentina wants to wake up like this every day, for the rest of her life._

 

//**//

 

At first, she doesn’t know where she is. The fogs of the dream makes her reach for someone that’s not there and Valentina’s confused when her hand only finds cold sheets. She sits up and scans the room. She was there just a minute ago. 

The warmth of the dream slowly slips away, leaving a hollow space where the happiness used to be. The distance echo of a laugh, the ghost of a touch, a faded kiss.

Valentina shudders at the sharp cold that runs through her. 

Oh, right.

She frowns at the stab of pain, and Valentina fears because she knows what’s about to happen.

_No, no,_  she pleads for sleep to return, for the dream to come back and stop this. Maybe if she wasn’t so drowsy she would have a better control of her emotions but she is, and the ball of emotion that claws at her throat, trying to break free, stings her eyes with the tears she refuses to cry. Valentina tries in vain to stop it. She presses one hand to her mouth and the other at her heart, but the memory cuts so deeply and the loneliness invades her so quickly that her chest splits open in agony. Everything’s so raw and tender.

_Come back_ she hugs her legs, drawing in herself.

_Please come back_ she begs, face buried in the pillow to try to muffle her sobs.

_Please, please, just a little while longer._  Maybe then it won’t be so painful to breathe. If she could enjoy her face a little longer, hear her voice, feel her warmth. Maybe waking up would be more bearable.

Sometimes, Valentina’s afraid of forgetting her. Her perfume or her laugh. What her kisses tasted, of how her hugs felt. But this is so much worse. It’s like reliving it all over again.

Sometimes, Valentina wonders if it wouldn’t be better forgetting all together.

 

 

//**//

  

 

_“Is this you?” Juliana’s holding a picture with three children. A boy struggling with a little girl on his back, a little girl that’s holding his neck with one hand and with the other she’s grabbing at the other girl in the picture, pulling her closer._

__

_“Yes,” Valentina happily replies._

__

_Little Valentina has a crooked ponytail and her little face is smudge with dirt but she’s smiling so big and carefree that Juliana can see a missing a tooth. She’s on top of Guille, who bears most of her weight but Eva’s lifting her up too. Valentina’s holding tight to both of them. They all have beaming smiles._

__

_“We took this picture here, before. When-” she stumbles but Juliana doesn’t need her to clarify. “Before,” Valentina settles in a whisper._

__

_“You look the same,” Juliana says, tracing Valentina’s happy little face._

__

_“You think so?”_

__

_Juliana nods, staring at Eva because out of all of them, Eva’s the one that surprise Juliana the most. She remembers the only time she saw her. “Eva’s different here.”_

__

_“I guess she’s the one that changed the most.”_

__

_“When I saw her at your brother’s party, she seemed- intense.” Granted, she was furious with Valentina that time, but Juliana sees a picture in the corner, a more recent one, where she has the same severe expression on her face. “She seems the type of person you call to kill someone.”_

__

_“Uhm, no,” Valentina snorts, “Eva is the one you call to hide the body. Guille is who you call to help you kill someone.”_

__

_“Really?” Juliana’s surprise, she thought it would be the other way around. She squints her eyes at Valentina, “it sounds like you have thought about it.”_

__

_“Of course I have,” she easily replies, tugging at Juliana to settle more comfortably besides her. “What’s the point of having siblings otherwise?”_

__

_“I wouldn’t know,” Juliana sighs. It used to make her sad, not having a little brother or sister. Not having someone to play with, or to share secrets with. Someone to share the burden, to help her carry it. Someone to not feel so alone. Eventually, Juliana realized that it was better that way. She doesn’t wish the life she had on anyone._

__

_Sensing her sour mood, Valentina kiss her cheek. “Don’t worry, I will help you with the killing and the hiding. I will even let you borrow my siblings,” she seals her promise with another kiss._

__

_“How thoughtful, thank you,” Juliana laughs. “Is that your mom?” She points at a picture with a woman making silly faces at a little boy._

__

_“Yeah.”_

__

_“She’s beautiful.” Valentina only hums and Juliana tries to gauge her mood, if the subject is bothering her, but Valentina only brush her arm, lost in though. “You are a lot like her,” Juliana eventually says, looking at another picture where the same woman’s smiling at something beyond the camera._

__

_“That’s what everyone keeps telling me.”_

__

_“You don’t think so?” Juliana moves so she can see her face better. Valentina shrugs one shoulder, indifferent but she won’t look at Juliana. “Does it bother you?”_

__

_“No, it’s not that. It’s just- I don’t remember much,” Valentina quietly confess, it’s clear that it pains her to say it. “Everyone always says that I look like her but I don’t know if I am like her.”_

__

_“Oh, Val,” it breaks Juliana’s heart. She strokes Valentina’s cheek, her jaw, her hair. Anything to stop the hopeless look in her eyes. She wishes she could do more. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”_

__

_“No, it’s ok.” Valentina kiss the hand caressing her. “No one never wants to talk about it. It’s like she never existed,” she bristles, resentful. “I was five when she passed away, I can barely remember her and the only people that can tell me, doesn’t want to.”_

__

_“Well, I don’t know if it helps at all but I would listen. Whatever you want to tell me, I want to know.”_

__

_Valentina’s awed for a moment, lost for words so she gives a firm kiss at Juliana. “It does help. Thank you,” she murmurs._

 

_//**//_

 

Juliana settles the frame on the shelf. Silvina’s younger in the picture, but the same loving look with which she sees at Valentina, remains. The little girl in Silvina’s arms has two askew pig tails, a stuffed bunny and a beaming smile. She’s missing a tooth in this one too.

Even if she hadn’t seen her before, it’s impossible not to recognize Valentina. Somehow, after everything she’s been through, Valentina’s still has the same bright, contagious smile.

It painfully tugs at her heart, Juliana misses her so much. She doesn’t know how much she will be able to stop herself from calling Valentina and ask for forgiveness.

A good side of leaving this house is that she won’t be haunted with these pictures anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Hoje lembrei do teu sabor, do gosto da tua boca antes de dormir._

_Tanto te conhecia, e você despertou tudo o que eu sentia._

 


	5. Loved By You

 

 

 

_Bless my soul, I've been alone too long. Somebody without someone is no one at all._

_Baby, all these nights I've struggled and fought my pride. Scared that someone your type couldn't see past my flaws._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first couple of days are some of the hardest, she goes through a flurry of emotion that leaves her dizzy and drain. Some days, her head is heavy with grief and her heart sore with a sadness that sits in her chest and makes it hard to breathe. Those days, she doesn’t get out of bed and Guille nervously lingers at edge of the bed, not knowing what to do. He tries talking to her but quickly gives up at Valentina’s lack of response and ends up lying in bed with her. Another movie in the background.

Other days Valentina bristles at the anger that viciously curls in her belly. It rises to her throat and stays there, heavy and thick. It blinds everything. Valentina tries to contain it, locking her jaw, biting her tongue and counting her breaths but she can’t help lashing out her grumpiness at people that had nothing to do with it. At first, Guille tried to make fun of her but one murderous look of Valentina made him quietly retreated. Eventually, they end up quietly working out at the gym with Valentina furiously hitting her anger away and Guille warily watching her. Valentina knows it worries him, to see her so harsh and aggressive but the anger gets so intense and destructive that punching a bag is the best way to get it out.

 

Anger at Juliana, for leaving her. At Eva, for hurting her. For meddling and forcing this entire situation. 

 

Mostly, she’s just annoyed with herself. She barely sleeps those nights, tossing and turning in bed, thinking about missed opportunities and furious yells.

But the worse are the days when she dreams of happier times and wakes up in a cold sweat, desperately reaching for someone that’s not there anymore. The hopelessness lingers in her, nipping her heart, making her shiver for the rest of the day. Guille hopelessly brings her an extra blanket and tea to bed. Yet another movie in the background.

Juliana’s absence still bleeds sadness and Valentina’s exhausted. So very tired of missing people.

On more than one occasion, she’s been tempted to drown herself in alcohol, wishing for the blissful numbness it provides. But the constant presence of Guille, and Lucia’s persistent visits stop her. She doesn’t want to let them down, to worry them even more. Even if there are days when the pain feels unbearable.

Also, she is not sure where the alcohol is in this house. She tried that first day but at Guille concerned face she gave up. Valentina’s not really sure how it happened, but during her break down Guille and Lucia decided that they would be staying at Camilo’s house. Who has been very generous and kind, letting them stay here.

It’s so embarrassing. No one has said a word and every time she tries to bring up the subject everyone brush her concerns away. She doesn’t want to be an inconvenience but Camilo insist that is not bother at all, that he’s happy to have them.

 

Despite the chaos that her life has become and the turmoil of her emotions, she manages to settle in a routine- wake up, have breakfast, go to class, try to study, have dinner, go to sleep and star all over again.  It’s not easy and from time to time she still looks for the alcohol in the house, but little by little and with help she pulls through.

 

Guille finally found a job, thanks to a friend who got him an interview in a small business. He’s now working in the legal department of a construction company and Valentina couldn’t be more proud. She didn’t doubt for a second that he would make it. He’s the son of one of the most powerful men in Mexico, with an ivy league education. It was only a matter of time.

He wakes up every morning eager to go to work, and comes back tired, rambling about all the new things he has learned. It took him some time but eventually he got used to the routine. To the hard work. He still complains, of course, but he’s so excited to make his own money without having to answer to anybody. He’s like a little kid with a new toy. Valentina feels guilty for dragging him into this mess, but every time she tries to say something he only smiles and answers  _I pinky promised, Val._

Sweet, kind, loyal Guillermo.  


She insists that is not necessary for him to stay, that she can be alone but he only asks what movie should they watch next and it may be selfish but she’s so glad he’s here. Even if she’s being an inconvenience, she’s so happy to have him back. Because he knows how much she needs him, even when Valentina says otherwise.

 

She doesn’t know what she would do without him or his silly movies.

Every night, since they got here, she and Guille watch a movie. Or at least, try to. More often than not, Guille watches and Valentina get lost in the soothing white noise they produce. It’s something they used to do a lot when Eva went to college. Valentina was sad and Guille didn’t know how to cheer her up, so he came up with a way to distract them both from their sadness. Back then, they watched old home made videos that her mom used to film, but it became too painful and they switched to movies. 

 

Currently, they’re going through Brendan Fraser’s filmography. Again, because if there’s one thing that can cheer her up is his handsome face and his cheeky grin. Specially if it’s Rick O’Connell fighting mummies. Valentina’s pretty sure Guille has a crush on him and honestly, she can’t blame him.

College’s been a welcome distraction, too. She struggles with it, mostly because the mess that her life has become, but it’s nice to have something to take her mind out of everything because despite Guille’s movie nights and Lucia’s lunch dates, Valentina still cries herself to sleep.

She just misses Juliana. It constantly aches. Sometimes lulled, in the back of her mind, and sometimes deafening, painfully clinging in her heart. Always present, persistently reminding her of what she lost.

Valentina wants her back. And it’s not just her kisses or her touch, Valentina needs her comfort, her steady presence, her hopeful smile. She’s the first person Valentina wants to tell about her day or to laugh about how useless Guille can be. Juliana’s the person Valentina wants to share her dreams and concerns with.

 

Juliana’s her first thought of the day and her last sigh before falling sleep and Valentina wants to spend the rest of her life with her. It’s a thought that should scare her. To feel so much so suddenly, but it only makes her miserable because Juliana’s not here anymore.

Valentina replays their conversation over and over, trying to understand what happened. What could she have made differently?

She shouldn’t have ignored Juliana’s calls, knowing how worried she was.

She shouldn’t have dismissed her concerns, or argued when Juliana tried to explain.

Valentina shouldn’t have shout at her.

 

She was so mad at the time. Furious but mostly embarrassed for Eva. How could she think it was okay to treat anyone that way? Especially Juliana, someone she knew was important to Valentina. She couldn’t see beyond anger at Eva and she ended up snapping at the wrong person. Juliana didn’t deserve that.

 

Valentina should have listened.

She should have paid more attention to what Juliana was trying to say.

Most importantly, Valentina should have stopped her.

She should have asked her to stay, because Valentina wasn’t lying when she said she’s willing to fight whoever or to give up anything for them. But when it mattered, when she should have fought for Juliana, she didn’t. Because Valentina didn’t think she would have had to fight against Juliana too.

Valentina has lost count on how many times she tried to call or text her. The pictures on her phone of the two of them are ingrained in her brain at this point, and she only wishes she could have taken more. Or that Juliana would care more about social media, so at least Valentina could have that.

At last, after an excruciating long week, she gets an unexpected text.

_**Juliana [09:39]:** **Can we talk?** _

Valentina drops the fork and Guille glace from the other side. She stares too long at the text, not knowing what to do. In a moment of panic, when the phone threatens to go dark, she touches the screen and abruptly gets up from the table, ignoring Guille’s questioning look. She goes to the living room, pacing back and fort trying to calm the anxiety quivering in her stomach that’s going to make her puke any minute now. Her heart beats so loud that she barely hears the dialling tone.

“I’m calling because last time you said I didn’t call, so-” She blurts out, and it’s a stupid thing to say but Valentina’s not thinking clearly.

_“Val,”_  Juliana’s soft voice whispering her nickname sends a shiver through Valentina’s spine. She closes her eyes at the joy she feels of hearing her name pronounced with such devotion. She missed that voice so damn much. _“Hi.”_

“Hi,” she dumbly repeats. It’s all she can do.

_“I’m glad you called.”_

“Yeah.”

_“I wanted to call before, but I didn’t know if I could,”_  Juliana’s careful. _“I didn’t know if you would answer.”_

Valentina’s eyes sting with tears. “Juliana,” she mumbles, trying to talk through the lump in her throat. “It was you who said that we should see each other anymore.”

_“I know and I’m sorry, I didn’t- I shouldn’t,”_  Juliana exasperatedly blows air, frustrated with herself.  _“I didn’t know if you would want to talk to me after. I wanted to give you space.”_

That is the last thing Valentina wants. “I always want to talk to you,” she confesses, words thick with emotion, “I always want you close.”

_“I’m sorry, Val.”_

“Juliana-” she pleads and her voice breaks.

_“Can we talk? Can I see you?”_  Juliana interrupts and Valentina’s definitely crying now because that’s the only thing she has wanted for the past week.  _“I understand if you don’t want to but- but I want to see you,”_ Juliana steady voice carries through the phone, but there’s an edge of fear in it too. _“I want to explain. I-I want to apologize.”_

Valentina remains quiet. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see her, it’s that she doesn’t know if she would be able to let her go after.

 

_“Please, Val."_

 

“Ok.”

_“Yeah?”_  She sounds so relived, like she really thought Valentina would say no.

“Yeah.”

_“Ok, tell me when and where, and I will go.”_

“I’m free now. I can go get you-“

_“Val, no. Tell me where you are and I will go to you,”_  there’s movement on the other side of the line. _“Are you in your house?”_

“No. I’m- I’m staying with my uncle.”

_“What? Why?”_  But when Valentina doesn’t answer right away, Juliana moves on,  _“you know what? It doesn’t matter. Send me the address and I will go.”_

“Ok.”

_“Ok, I will see you in a bit,”_  Juliana promises and Valentina barely manages to murmur a weak goodbye, overwhelmed with the sudden possibility of finally seeing Juliana. 

 

As soon as the call disconnects she text Juliana the address, Guille attentively watching her but Valentina ignores his curious eyes.

“You won’t tell me?” He whines.

“I don’t know what are you talking about.”

She’s shaking, buzzing with nervous energy, and Valentina can see how much he wants to ask. He stares at her for a moment before getting up. “Ok, I would let it pass this time because I’m running late but I expect details later,” he concedes with a kiss on her forehead.

Valentina sighs in relief but knows he would pester her later. The moment he leaves her alone, Valentina runs to change her PJ’s and loses track of time, changing clothes so many times that she barely makes it before Mercedes, the housekeeper, announces that Juliana’s at the door. 

Even thought Valentina knew she was going to see her and has been mentally preparing herself for it, Juliana still takes her breath away. Valentina’s frozen, muscle lock in place. Slack-jaw, throat dry and heart beating so loud that Juliana’s sure to hear it but Valentina can’t help herself, she forgot how mesmerizing Juliana is.

She hasn’t notice her presence yet and Valentina takes the opportunity to bask at the sight of Juliana being so close after so many days. She’s curiously watching at Camilo’s bookshelf, by the window. A stream of sunlight illuminates her, bathing her in a soft glow. She seems out of a dream and Valentina’s terrified of waking up, even when her whole body is screaming at her to go and touch Juliana, make sure she’s real and end this torture.

 

Juliana’s so beautiful. And Valentina’s so in love with her.

 

Suddenly, the ache of missing her gets too much. Valentina’s been deprived too much of her. She needs Juliana’s eyes on her to calm her erratic heart.

She carefully approaches her and shakily breathes a weak, hi. She must look like a lovesick puppy but Valentina doesn’t care, she missed her.

“Hi,” Juliana turns, wide-eyed, like she was caught snooping. But when her pretty eyes settle on Valentina, they turn soft, relieve. Valentina feels it too, is the world realigning itself. Finally.

They just stand there, basking in each other's presence for a moment too long, it gets awkward because they don’t know how to greet each other. Valentina’s not sure what’s allow anymore so Juliana ends up deciding and moves closer. She hugs and leaves a lingering kiss in Valentina’s cheek. It probably last too long to be considerate an innocent greeting but Valentina doesn’t care, she just close her eyes and tilts her head an inch, pressing closer and taking the moment in.

Juliana’s soft skin. Her perfume, her slight touch. Her tender kiss. Valentina feels dizzy, bombarded with so much Juliana after spending days with nothing.

“How are you?” Juliana slowly pulls away from Valentina’s personal space.

Valentina shrugs, trying to clear her hazy mind. “I have been better,” she mumbles and Juliana gives her a sad knowing smile. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Juliana replies, defeated. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did. I didn’t mean to react that way,” she looks down, regretful. “I’m sorry that I left.”

“Why did you? I thought we were in this together,” Juliana looks up, surprise at Valentina’s aggressive tone. Valentina doesn’t want to but the sight of Juliana walking away still hurts, and she feels the frustration slipping in her words. She needs to take a better grip on her emotions because she’s taking it on Juliana again. “Sorry.”

Juliana looks away. She presses her lips in a thin line and squeezes her hands tight. She’s angry. “It just- it was too much, you know? My mom started talking about leaving again, and I didn’t know what to do. I was worried about you because I didn’t know- I knew something had happened but I didn’t know what. And then Eva showed up and started saying all these things. I just- I thought-” She presses her lips more firmly trying to contain her emotions and finally looks at Valentina. And it’s so clear, the overwhelming feeling is crisp and open in Juliana’s eyes that Valentina doesn’t know how she couldn’t see it before. “I thought it would be easier if we- if we just stop.”

Before, Valentina was too upset to see how scared Juliana was. Valentina went looking for comfort and ended up disappointed and angry when Juliana didn’t provide it. Now, she can see that Juliana was looking for the same in her, and Valentina failed to give it too.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.”

Juliana’s surprise, not expecting an apology. “I understand, you were dealing with your sister.”

“I could have at least let you know. I should have call sooner.”

“It would have been nice,” Juliana concedes with a half-smile, “but I’m still sorry.”

“I just- I was so-” Valentina can feel the sadness pushing from the corners of her mind, demanding attention. She had managed to keep it at bay, mostly by ignoring it. She’s afraid of what would happen if she allows herself to feel it. It would probably swallow her whole. “I don’t even know how I was feeling,” Valentina can feel the control quickly slipping away, and she struggles to contain it but she needs to explain. She needs Juliana to understand that it wasn’t her. It wasn’t Juliana’s fault. “I was trying to make sense of my fight with Eva and I didn’t want to worry you.” It all seems so silly now, they could have avoided so much heartache if they have only talked to each other. The tight hold she had loosens and a sharp pain squeezes her heart.

“Eva left such a chaos in my head, is like she broke something inside,” she sobs and Juliana is at her side immediately, grabbing her hand trying to comfort her. Valentina probably doesn’t make any sense but now that she started, she can’t stop. It’s the first time she admits how much Eva hurt her. It’s the first time she feels comfortable enough to do it without having to worry about ruining her siblings relationships, or giving Lucia more reasons to fight. “Nothing made any sense, you know? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I mean, how could she do that?” Juliana hugs her and Valentina cries harder, finally allowing herself to fully feel the heartbreak that Eva cause. “I was just trying to put myself together before seeing you. I’m sorry I didn’t call, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry-” she desperately weeps in Juliana’s neck.

“No, Val, don’t apologize,” Juliana’s stroking her back, trying to easy the pain away. “It’s not your fault. You needed time, I understand that. I wish I could have helped you. I’m sorry I made it worse, I’m sorry that I left you.” She’s grabs Valentina’s face between her palms and dry her tears, softly caressing her. She pouts in that adorable way she does and Valentina missed her so damn much.

“I’m sorry that I yelled. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen,” she whimpers but Juliana just smiles, kisses her cheek and tucks Valentina’s head in her’s neck, giving her the support to cry her pain away. Valentina desperately clings to it, tightly hugging Juliana, and crying the hurt and betrayal Eva cause and she’s being ignoring.

 

“We need to learn to talk to each other,” Juliana murmurs after kissing her head.

 

The laugh bubbles breaks free from deep inside Valentina’s chest before she can stop it. Now is funny. Now, she can laugh about it. It’s funny in a sad kind of way how simple everything could have been avoided. They only needed to talk to each other. It doesn’t fix anything. Valentina’s still deeply hurt by Eva, living in someone else's house and Juliana still has to go. Valentina doesn’t know where they stand or if they can be anything other than friends, but at least she has this moment.

 

It’s nothing, but it’s everything too. Because they would figure it out. Valentina’s sure about it. Even if they end up in different states and long distance friendship is all Juliana’s able to give her. Valentina would take it.

 

The alternative hurts too much.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Lupe’s been none stop calling people all week, trying to plan where they would go but Juliana’s not sure if she succeeded because Lupe’s been growing more and more frustrated after each call. Every time she tried to ask, Lupe brush her away and told her not to worry, that she would fix it. But Juliana’s not worried, she is in no hurry to leave. Not yet, at least.

 

She needed to apologize first, it’s the least Valentina deserved. So, Juliana woke up this morning determined to overcome her fear and fix things with Valentina, even if Valentina want nothing to do with her now, Juliana would at least try to make things better before leaving. She had too. She’s been delaying enough.

 

She has regretted their fight and how she reacted it since that day and if she hadn’t apologize sooner is because she fears what Valentina would say to her. Juliana’s scared that she’s hurt her beyond forgiveness, and it terrifies her that Valentina, the only person that’s truly believe in her, might hate her. After what Juliana did, Valentina’s well in her right to and it wouldn’t surprise Juliana if Valentina doesn’t even answer her text.

 

So, it’s a complete shock went as soon as she sent the text her phone rings with an incoming call from Valentina. She didn’t expect a call, much less an agreement to a meeting. It doesn’t matter if it’s only for Valentina to say to her face that she wants nothing to do with Juliana, that it was all a big mistake and they are better off like this. It doesn’t matter because she agreed to see her, Valentina’s willing to at least hear her apology and that’s so much more that what Juliana was hoping for.

 

She’s a ball of nerves when she gets to Camilo’s house, not really understanding why Valentina’s here but having hear her hesitation through the call, Juliana knows it’s a sensitive subject.

 

It breaks Juliana’s heart to see Valentina so heartbroken. She does her best to comfort her, soothing her sobs and holding her through the pain but it’s not enough to ease the deep sadness Valentina experiencing.

 

“What do we do now?” Valentina quietly asks once she’s calm enough to talk. After the ugly cries that wrecked her whole body she only hiccups every once in a while. She needed this, they both did.

 

“I don’t know, I still have to go. Lupe’s been talking none stop about it.”

 

She can feel Valentina’s discomfort at the news, even when she doesn’t say anything. She just fuss in Juliana’s embrace, angrily puffing and turning. She apologizes for wetting Juliana’s shirt but makes no sign of leaving the spot under Juliana’s neck.

 

“I don’t want you to go.”  _I don’t want you to leave me._

“I don’t want to go either.”

 

Valentina takes a deep breath, “We’d figure it out. It’s going to be okay.” She sounds unsure but determined.

 

“Yeah.” Juliana gets it, she feels it too. The future is uncertain for them but they’d be okay now that they have each other again.

Just this little moment, being in her presence makes everything better, and if that is the only thing they can have then it’s enough for Juliana. It’s a great moment, after being apart so long they and thinking she wouldn’t have it anymore, this may be the best moment ever. And Valentina seems to feel the same way.

 

They spend a long time basking in the peace and warmth that the other provides, until Valentina gets a call from Chivis letting her know that she can go now that Eva’s not at the house. Juliana doesn’t need to ask but Valentina tells her, anyway.

 

“I don’t- I can’t see her yet. Not after our last fight.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Juliana squeezes Valentina’s hand, wishing she could do more.

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

“I’m still sorry. I know how important she is for you.”

 

“Yeah,” Valentina’s eyes wet with new tears but she blinks them away, refusing to keep crying over it.

 

It would take time for Valentina to recover and Juliana’s not entirely sure if she will. She doesn’t fully understands the nuisances of sisterhood, especially the one Eva and Valentina have but the one thing Juliana does get is what is to sacrifice part of yourself to take care of someone else and Eva’s the foundation for which Valentina grew. Her anchor. And is heartbreaking to see Valentina lose that.

 

Juliana hopes they work it out. For Valentina’s sake.

 

“Oh, I forgot my bag,” Valentina suddenly stops at the door.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no. Wait me on the car, I’ll be right back.”

Before Juliana can say anything else Valentina’s gone, and she’s left waiting outside. It may be best if she waits for Valentina because last time Juliana saw Alirio he didn’t let her get in the car. She doubts this time will be different.

She’s watching people pass, until a black car parks in the curb, but instead of Alirio, a man she never thought she will see again gets out of the driver seat. At first, she doesn’t recognize him. He’s so different from the man she grew up with. He’s clean, with his combed hair and trimmed beard. Well-dressed. He even carries himself differently, so it takes a minute for Juliana to recognize him but once her mind does, her body’s already halfway to confront him, pulling his arm and demanding answers.

 

“Where have you been?!” She shouts. His eyes get big with fear when he sees her, she can see the recognition in them.

“Juliana! What-” he nervously looks around, “What are you doing here?”

“That’s what I want to know,” he tries to grab her, pull her to the side, but she yanks her arm free, “do you have any idea what we went through?!”

“Juliana, please, let me explain. It’s not what you think.” He’s soft, pleading. He’s never been like this with her and it would shock Juliana if she thought he was being genuine but he keeps watching around and Juliana knows that it’s because he doesn’t want to get caught.

“What am I supposed to think then?”

“Please, Juliana, be quiet.”

“I won’t allow you-” she shoves a finger in his chest, pushing him. Surprisingly, he goes with it.

“Juliana, stop!” He tries to grab her again, keeping an eye at the front of the house but still not being aggressive about it. Not like he used too. Like he’s always been with her.

Neither of them sees the man approaching from the other side until he’s over them.

“Excuse me, what is happening here? Is this man bothering you?” The man politely asks. Juliana has never seen him before but El Chino seems to know him because he immediately releases her and puts himself between the man and Juliana.

“Mr Corona, what are you doing here?” He asks, but the man ignores him, his green calculating eyes focus on Juliana. It makes her uncomfortable.

“Do you know him?” He insists. There’s something displeasing about him. The glasses are too small for his face. The suit he’s wearing is fitting, custom-made. Expensive. But just like with the glasses, the suit seems too small for him. He’s a tall, build man that tries very hard to present himself as the opposite. Shoulders down and hands claps at the front. He speaks to her in calm tones but it unsettles Juliana because she can see it’s an act. “Where do you know him from?”

“Mr Corona, are you following me?” Chino intercedes, he tries for casual but Juliana can see the irritation in his posture, she can hear the tremble in his voice.

“Why? Do you have something to hide?” It’s the first time he acknowledges El Chino and his attitude changes. It’s subtle, almost imperceptible, and if you weren’t closely looking you wouldn’t see it because he does it so easily, so quickly. Juliana sees it. His eyes harden, not holding that false kindness, instead he looks at El Chino with pure rage. “Who is she?” He scorns, pointing at Juliana.

“She’s none of your business,” Chino’s voice comes low and threatening.It’s the first time he sounds like the man Juliana remembers.

“Why? What are you hiding?” Mr Corona comes closer to him but turns to Juliana with the same angry look in his eyes. “Who are you? How do you know Jacobo?”

“Jacobo? Who is-” Suddenly, it all makes sense because Juliana remembers where she knows that name. “You are Valentina’s driver?!” She grabs at him and pulls, turning him to face her. “What are you up to?!”

“Juliana!” He scolds.

“Miss, how do you know this man?” Mr Corona asks, using that murky sweet tone again.

She sees the pleading look on El Chino but she’s so tired of his lies that just to spite him she turns to the man, “I’m his daughter.” She doesn’t take pleasure in his disappointment, and there's a nagging feeling that she did something wrong.

“His daughter? Well, isn’t that interesting,” his lips curl in satisfaction.

Chino squares his shoulders, ready to fight, “Jhony, stay out of this.”

“Why? What do you have to hide?”

“This is none of your business,” he grits out.

“Really? Because I think Lucia would like to meet her.” He takes pleasure irritating Jacobo.

“Juliana has nothing to do with this, leave her out,” the growing tension between them frightens Juliana because she doesn’t know Johny but she knows her father. She’s acutely aware of what he’s capable off.

“Excuse me, miss,” he directs at her and it distracts Juliana of the fuming rage in her father’s eyes. Johny drops his shoulders, trying to make himself small. Unthreatening. But Juliana knows his type. “Hello, my name is Johny Corona,” he says with a slick, menacing smile. “What’s yours?” He tilts his head and comes closer to her when Juliana shakes his hand.

“Juliana,” she answers. She doesn’t trust him, especially when he puts his other hand on top.

“And your last name?” His voice dark and holding tighter when Juliana tries to pull her hand free.

 

“Look, Sir, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what’s going on here-“

“Oh, nothing for you to worry, my child,” the condescending tone he uses irritates Juliana more than when he tried to be sweet. “It’s just that I would like to know who is working for the Carvajal family.”

Juliana looks at El Chino’s pleading eyes behind Johny. She doesn’t trust him one bit, but she trusts this man even less. At least she knows her father. “I don’t really know him that well,” she answers and it’s not a lie, Juliana doesn’t have a clue who El Chino is. “Nor I know you,” she adds, pulling her hand free.

“But you were arguing,” he insists, tone growing aggressive, he’s losing patience. “What was that about?”

 

“It’s none of your business,” she snaps, he grabs her by the arms. El Chino tries to step in but Johny won’t let go of her.

“Tell me” He demands, giving up the pretense. El Chino starts screaming at him to let go but Johny just press tighter, hurting her.

 

“Johny!” Valentina shouts, charging at him, “what are you doing? Let go of her!” He immediately lets go. The change is so swift and smooth that Juliana wouldn’t believe if she wasn’t in the middle of it. It’s like a switch went off and he’s plaint and docile again, just like that. He falls back at every shove Valentina gives. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” She shouts, Jacobo has to stop her because she is about to punch him. Juliana has never seen her so angry before.

“I’m sorry Valentina, I’m sorry,” Johny repeats, over and over, with his hands up, trying to placate her. “I’m sorry, miss,” he directs at Juliana but Valentina shifts in front to block his view. “I’m sorry, truly I am, but this man isn’t who he says he is,” he points to Jacobo who's still trying to contain Valentina.

 

“What that has to do with Juliana?!” She growls, “who do you think you are-“

“Look, Valentina, I don’t expect you to understand but I was just trying to protect you. Protect the family.”

“I’m so tired of all of you diminishing me, like I’m too stupid to decide on my own,” she stops fighting with Jacobo’s hold. She’s disappointed. Defeated. But Valentina still lower her voice, threating to him, “listen to me very carefully because I will only say this once. Stay away from Juliana.”

“I apologize, Valentina. I was only trying-“

Valentina’s done with him. She turns to Juliana, all the anger and fight gone, her voice becomes soft, concern, “are you ok?” She gently takes Juliana’s face in her hands, so tender and loving. It’s hard to believe that only seconds ago she was ready to fist fight a man double her size. Juliana can only nod, still a little shaken up. “Are you sure?” She asks, kissing her forehead and turning Juliana to the car.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Today's not a good day.

 

Leon’s thoughts are going a mile a minute trying to decide what to do next. Juliana finding out about him wouldn’t be so bad if she hadn’t done it in front of Johny. He’s really screwed now. He can’t go back to the house, even if Lucia doesn’t believe Johny and Valentina tells her about Johny getting violent with Juliana, it’s only a matter of time before Juliana tells Valentina who he is and then everything would be truly lost for him.

Johny already went to Lucia, Leon has no doubt about it. He’s probably giving her his twisted version at this very second. And soon Valentina would find out too. He could see it in Juliana’s face, she won’t lie for him, especially to Valentina.

It surprised him that she hadn’t done yet. Or maybe she’s doing it right now. Although, it doesn’t look like it. Leon’s been keeping an eye on them from the review mirror and they’re in the same position they were twenty minutes ago, Valentina anxiously fretting over Juliana. It might look like Valentina’s trying to calm Juliana, but Leon knows it’s the other way around. The incident had shock Juliana, but it wrecked Valentina. She’s been reluctant to leave Juliana’s side, constantly asking her how is she, if she needs her to stay and if she is sure. Leon can’t blame her, after the last couple of days he understands how much Valentina needs her.

He’s happy they made up. Not that he fully knows what happened between them in the first place, but seeing Valentina so torn up the last couple of days made him realize how lonely she has been. For the first time, he could see how much her little girl has been suffering. 

It makes him feel so guilty to not have seen it before. Valentina’s been shouting for someone to notice her since her mother passed away, and it’s only now that she’s found someone who listens. Truly listens to her. Truly sees her. So, he’s glad that Juliana’s still around. Even if it makes it worse for him. It has always been a possibility, given how close Valentina had been with Juliana, but it would have been nice to have a heads up.

 

Admittedly, he got a little glad the first time he heard Juliana wasn’t around anymore. He’s not proud, it would have made everything much more easy for him, and at the time revenge and anger blinded him. But the days passed and Valentina didn’t get better.

 

The first time he saw her, after her fight with Eva, he didn't recognize her. He had never seen her so hearbroken. It was torture. Camilo had to talk him out of going to Eva and demand her to fix whatever she had done. Lucia did the best she could, it surprise him she cared enough and despite his feelings towards her, he’s grateful. At least, Valentina has someone, even if that someone is Lucia. Guille’s doing his part too, to the best of his abilities. It doesn’t surprise Leon one bit. He’s been devoted to his little sister seen the first time he saw her at the hospital.

 

Leon tries too, every morning when he takes her to class. He tried talking, about movies or books. He tried music and her favorites candies. He even thought of buying her with something but she isn’t a little kid he can bribe anymore. Despite everyone’s efforts, Valentina didn’t get better. He could see that she was trying her best but the sadness still lingered in her eyes. 

 

He thought her sorrow was for Eva but now he can see that it was Juliana. At least, part of it. A big part.

 

Leon takes a deep breath. This day is getting worse and worse by the second. A heads up would have been nice, that's all he's saying. Maybe then this could have gone better. In the meantime, he will have to hide and hope for the best. Clearly, Juliana's not going anywhere and it's a good thing. Regardless of him and his plan, Valentina needs Juliana and that's all that matters.

 

He’s startled by Valentina entering the front seat. She slams the door, fuming. Leon knows where this is going, so he takes a deep breath and quietly starts the car.

“What the hell happened Jacobo?!” She harshly demands, body tense in anger and frustration. She’s clenching her jaw trying to contain herself, “why did Johny grab Juliana like that?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know what happened. One minute I was talking with Miss Valdés and in the next, he comes out of nowhere and starts getting aggressive with her.” It’s a temporary lie that won’t last but it would buy him some time.

“Why didn’t you do something?” She’s mad at him now, he can see why. He should have done more. Johny should never have touched Juliana.

“I tried but I honestly never thought he would get violent with her.” He knows Johny isn’t the man he thought he was, but Leon never thought he would be capable of this. It makes him think if that is a common occurrence with him. Maybe Lucia- 

Valentina lets out a frustrated exhale through her nose, turning to the window. Her anger is misplaced, but he knows she’s just upset with herself for not doing better. As irrational as that sound. They are too much alike, unfortunately.

“I’m sorry, Valentina. I should have done better.”

“Yeah, you should have,” she snaps but after a deep breath she mollifies, “but I understand, it’s not your fault.”

“It happened so quickly, I don’t know what came over him.”

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.” She turns to him, “what did he mean with you being somebody else?”

He was hoping she had forgotten about that part. Today’s not his day.

“I don’t know. Clearly he’s insane. I arrived at Camilo’s house and Miss Valdés was outside waiting, so I introduced myself. We were waiting for you when Johny showed up,” he stalls, trying to think, “I thought- I don’t know- He approached her and started asking questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“About how we knew each other. I tried to explain to him that we had just met, but he didn’t believe me.”

“What?”

“Yeah, exactly. I always knew he didn’t like me but this is a whole new level of crazy.”

“It’s just- I have known Johny my whole life, and he has never been violent. He seemed like a completely different person.”

“Appearances can be deceiving,” he keeps his eyes on the road but tries to judge her reaction from the corner of his eye.

“Clearly,” she’s quiet for a moment. Thoughtful. “It’s so weird because my father used to trust him so much.”

“He was wrong,” he can’t help the aggressiveness of his tone.

Valentina stares at him, startled. He knows she doesn’t like that he spoke ill of his father but she can’t deny that they all got it wrong with Johny.

 

“So, I was surprise to see miss Valdés this morning,” he deflects because despite all the chaos that happened he has been wondering.

 

“Oh, yeah.” She answers, flushing.

 

“Are you two- Is she-” he clears his throat. “Everything is okay now?”

 

“Yeah, we-” she frowns, “we are talking again, so that’s good but it’s not like before. And I don’t know what we are anymore, because after everything that’s happened I’m not sure if she wants that and I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t, you know?” She blurs out. “I mean- yes, we are good.” She finishes and looks away, clearly embarrassed.

 

Leon’s uncomfortable too, they never talked about this stuff. But maybe, now they can. “I’m sure you’ll work it out. Whatever it is, if she’s worth it, you would find a way.”

 

“She’s worth it.”

 

“Then, you’ll make it.”

 

“You really think so?” She asks, hopeful.

 

“Yeah,” he answers, parking the car and her eyes spark with joy.

 

“Thank you, Jacobo,” she murmurs, hugging him. It almost makes it worth this awful day.

As soon as Valentina enters the house, he turns the car around and goes back. He needs to talk to Juliana, even if it is a lost cause he has to try. She doesn’t like him, that much is clear, but she specifically dislikes him being anywhere near Valentina, and for what he knows about El Chino, Leon can really blame Juliana for that.

 

As expected, she’s not pleased to see him but she’s not surprised either.

“I was wondering how long it would take you,” she deadpans, and despite her annoyance at him, she opens the door to let him in. But Leon hesitates, glancing around. “Afraid of Lupe?” She asks with a cheeky smile.

Honestly? Yes, there’s no reason to complicate things further. “Can you blame me?”

“Not really. But she’s not here, so.”

She doesn’t wait for him. He quietly follows her to the kitchen. She doesn’t offer a sit, or something to drink, it’s not a social visit and he’s not a welcome guest. She just leans against the counter, crossing her arms and waits. There’s a quiet fury behind her eyes, she’s impatient but still waits for him to start.

“So,” he drags out. He still hadn’t decided on what to tell her. “How have you been?” He tries but the skeptical look she gives him tell him they are pass that. “First, I want to apologize for Johny, I shouldn’t have let you-”

“What are you doing working has Valentina’s driver?” She cuts.

Straight to the subject then, he shouldn’t have expect otherwise. “It’s not what you think.”

“You keep telling that but I still haven’t heard you say what it is”

“I don’t think you’d believe me, I can barely believe it myself.” This is a bad idea. She won’t believe him, he can see it in her eyes, but what other choice does he have? He takes a deep breath, here goes nothing, “I told you already, I’m not your father.”

She rolls her eyes, “this again?”

“It’s true!”

“Why are you doing this, Chino?” She shouts, “what are you expecting from the Carvajals?”

“I’m not El Chino, I’m telling you the truth,” but she just scoffs at him. Leon sands up. There has to be a better way to explain it. “I was-There was an incident in my other life,” she puffs through her nose, impatiently. “-I was murdered,” he continues, “I died on the ambulance. It was like- for me, I just fell asleep and then- when I woke up I was on that chair, being electrocuted.”

“How long are you going to keep this up?” She won’t listen to him. It doesn’t matter what he says she won’t believe it.

“What you want me to say, Juliana?” He’s starting to lose his patience, “I just want an opportunity to explain myself. I’m not your dad, I’m sorry but I’m not! I’m a businessman, I have 60 years old. I have my own family, my own life that. I’m a completely different man that unfortunately transmigrated to this body!”

“I know perfectly well who you are. A liar who is about to hurt someone that I care deeply about.”

“I am not your father!” He shouts. “You didn’t notice anything wrong? Before, when I woke up,” he tries to remember but everything is a little fuzzy. “Like during the hurricane! You look at me like- do you remember?”

“No, I can’t-” she frowns, hesitates. “You are a liar. You would always be a liar.”

“Juliana,” he sighs. God dammed this awful man and his awful behavior that makes it impossible for his own daughter to believe anything he says. “I don’t know how else to tell you, I’m not your father. You know this, deep down, you know I’m not him.”

She locks her jaw, lips set in a firm line. She’s upset. But her eyes are telling, they helplessly look at him. She knows, it’s barely there, but she knows he’s not her father even if she doesn’t want to believe it. Leon only stares at her, hoping she can see the sincerity in her eyes. There’s nothing else he can do, she would believe him or not, either way the conversation is over.

“I won’t lie for you,” she bristles.

“I know,” he whispers. He knew that from the moment she found out.

He leaves the house, already planning his next move. He’s so engrossed on what to do next that he doesn’t see the man approaching from behind. He’s hopeless against the punch. Leon doesn’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late, the last thing he remembers before blacking out his the sharp pain at the back of his head.

 

God damn this fucking day.

 

 

//**//

 

 

When Johny burst through the office’s door, agitated and fidgeting Lucia’s first thought is that he received another threat. Instead, he starts rambling about Jacobo again. Lucia rolls her eyes, tired of his ridiculous jealousies. She’s about to dismiss him until he names a Juliana.

“Juliana? As in Valentina’s friend?” She asks, confused because that can’t be right.

“Yeah, I think so- Maybe, I don’t know. But it’s obvious that they are all working together-”

“What?”

“-they are trying to robe us!”

 

“What?!“

 

He grabs her hands, wide-eyes and desperate. “They are all after our money, love. We have to go, now.”

“Johny, you are not making any sense.”

“Don’t you see? Don’t you see what they are doing?”

“Who, Johny? What are you talking about?”

“Jacobo and that girl!” He screams, painfully squeezing her hands, “They are plotting against us, why can you see?!”

“Johny, calm down.” He’s spiraling out of control, more anxious. Paranoid. Unpredictable. Lucia needs to slow him down before it’s too late and she can’t rein him in. Before he gets violent. She grabs his face, hoping he would focus on her, “what does Valentina’s friend has to do with this?”

“She’s his daughter! They are all in this together.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why are you doing this?! Why don’t you want to see?” He holds her jaw, hard.

“I’m trying, please Johny. Help me understand,” she strokes his hand, he releases some pressure but doesn’t let go. “What happened?”

“I saw them arguing, she told me- Juliana told me she’s his daughter.”

What is it with this Juliana girl that keeps coming back? It can’t be a coincidence. “Whose daughter?”

 

“Jacobo’s! I told you already, he’s planning something against us.”

 

“Wha-” Jacobo has a daughter? Lucia feels dizzy, why hadn’t he say anything to her? What else is he hiding? She tries to talk through the lump in her throat, “where did you find them?”

“That doesn’t matter right now, the important thing is that we have to go. I will make the arrangements and we can be out of here first thing tomorrow,” his eyes are wild, delirious, and his lips curls with dangerous violence. 

“No, Johny, wait-“

“Why?! Why do we have to wait now? You are trying to make me mad!”

“No, listen-“

 

“We need to go! There’s no reason for us to stay here!”

 

“Yes, there is!” She snaps, standing up to him. “That girl is Valentina’s friend and if you are right, then Valentina’s in danger.” There are a lot of things she would tolerate of him. A lot of things she allows him, but not this. Never this. Lucia lowers her voice, firm so there’s no doubt in his mind, “I won’t leave her.”

 

She doesn’t wait for a response, it doesn’t matter if he agrees because she already decide it. She grabs her purse and leaves the office. He saw the determination in her face, it doesn’t matter how much he screams and bullies her, she won’t back down. He mumbles a response but Lucia doesn’t hear it.

 

After the last couple of days Valentina’s had, the last thing Lucia would do is leave her. Specially if she’s in danger. What’s Johny thinking, honestly. She loves Valentina, she’s the closest thing she has to a family. At what family is supposed to be like, because Lucia knows that is not always the case. But Valentina’s a good, loving person and Lucia wants to take care of her, it’s the least she could do.

 

She needs to talk with Valentina as soon as possible. But at the first opportunity she has, her first call is to Jacobo. He doesn’t answer and is nowhere to be found when she gets to the house. Chivis says he left early, something about a family emergency. Of course. Luckily, Valentina’s in her room, packing a small bag.

“Valentina?”

“Lucia!” Valentina rush to hug her, “finally, I wanted to talk to you.”

“And I want to talk to you,” Lucia sit at the end of the bed. Lucia watches her, she seems different today. More light, more happy. “About your friend, Juliana.” At that, Valentina’s good mood fades.

She tenses up, “what about her?”

“Did you know Juliana is Jacobo’s daughter?”

Valentina sits and stares at her, dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Jacobo, the driver, he is Juliana’s father.”

“What? No-“

“For your reaction, I imagine you didn’t know either.”

“No, that’s not possible.” Valentina scoffs, “I don’t know who lied to you but it’s not true.”

“Ok, what did she say about her dad then?”

“Nothing good, actually. She hasn’t spoken to him for a long time,” she doubts for a moment, “she said that he’s an awful person.”

“How awful?”

 

“She- Juliana said-” Valentina’s reluctant. “It doesn’t matter, it’s not true.”

 

“Valentina, what did she say?”

 

“She said that he’s a _sicario_ , okay! She said that her father kills people for money.” At Lucia’s wild eyes Valentina quickly adds, “but that’s not who she is, she has nothing to do with him.”

 

“Val, of course I know that,” Lucia grabs Valentina’s hand, trying to calm her. Nobody knows better than Lucia, your parents don’t define you, your past does not define you. Still, “I just don’t understand. If she is your friend, why did she lie to you?”

“Why is she the one lying?” She bristles. Defensive. “I don’t know where you get your information but it’s not true.”

“But what do you really know about her?” Lucia tries to reason with her, “how did you meet her? You said that she approach you in the park, don’t you think that’s a little suspicious?”

“Why are you being like this? You don’t even know her,” her forehead wrinkles in frustration. It’s the first time Valentina’s annoyed with her.

“I’m sorry, Val. I just- I worry.”

“Who told you this?” Eyes narrow, mouth set.

“Johny. He’s worried too.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. As soon as Lucia says his name, Valentina tenses her jaw in anger. “Oh, Johny told you. Did he also tell you about how he treated her? How he got violent with her?”

“What?! He did what?” Lucia should have know better than to trust Johny. She knows what he’s capable, but she never thought he would do something like this. “What happened?”

“He grabbed her by the arms, Lucia. He was shouting at her!” Valentina stands up, shaking with barely contain rage.

 

“Did- did he hurt you?” Her voice shakes, she knows what he’s capable, she’s very aware of how much he can hurt. But she never thought he would do something like this. She’s going to kill him, there’s no doubt in her mind about it.

 

“He didn’t do anything to me,” Lucia sighs in relief, the fear and anger rushing so quickly out of her she gets dizzy. “Not that it matters, it doesn’t make okay what he did to Juliana,” Valentina fumes. “Maybe, next time you should consider who is informing you before making accusations of someone you don’t even know!”

“Val, I’m sorry. You are right-”

“I don’t understand why you are all so obsess with making her the bad guy. First Eva and now you-” Oh, so that’s what happened there, “-and you don’t even know her, you didn’t even try!”

“I’m sorry, Val. Please,” the last thing Lucia wants is to fight with Valentina, “you are right, I shouldn’t have assume. And I didn’t know about Johny. I apologize.”

Valentina lessens some of the tension but she’s still upset. “I would talk to her, I’m sure this has an explanation.”

“No, Val, I don’t-” Lucia stops herself at Valentina expression. She doesn’t want to anger Valentina more than she already did. Juliana’s special for her, so much so, that apparently she fought with Eva about it. Lucia remembers how turn up Valentina was that day, she can’t make the same mistake Eva did. Lucia needs to treat carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t see her,” Valentina rolls her eyes, so she hurries to explain, “at least until we figure things out, okay?”

 

“Why? It’s easier if I just ask her.”

 

“It may not be safe, I don’t want you to risk yourself. Please Valentina, just for a little while, okay? Give me a couple of days to make sure she’s safe.”

Valentina stares uncertain, reluctantly she nods. Lucia doesn’t fully trust that she will stay away, but it’s as much as Valentina will give her. It would have to do for now, she can’t force Valentina, specially with this. Eva’s fight. Johny’s outburst. Valentina’s fierce determination to defend her. Lucia thinks she understands, now. She knows the feeling behind Valentina’s eyes. But she’s not sure, not really.

 

Lucia needs to meet Juliana and see what all this fuss is about.

 

 

//**//

 

 

When Valentina first got to the apartment, she was fuming. She bursted through the door an angry hurricane of frustration and annoyance. She walked in circles, ranting about Eva, Johny and now, Lucia too. Guille anxiously fretting behind her, trying to calm her while Renata finished the dinner.

They offered to help but they are useless in the kitchen, Renata guess that’s what happens when you grow up with a personal cook. 

Valentina kept going in circles until Renata sat her down and gave her a drink, that she slow down enough to make sense.

“He did what?!”

“I know, I couldn’t believe it either,” Valentina answers, hand over her face and spread out on the couch. Exhausted.

“Well, he did seem suspiciously nice all the time. Like way too nice, all the time.” Johny Corona has always irked her.

“I don’t know what dad saw in him,” Guille’s tone has an edge of jealousy. It doesn’t surprise Renata, Leon parade Johny like he was the son he never had, meanwhile Guille never set foot in the company until his father passed away.

“I don’t know and I don’t care. Nothing justifies what he did to Juliana,” Valentina bites back, still upset.

“No, of course not.”

Renata doesn’t know what happened with Valentina and Eva, beyond the vague office gossip Micaela passed her. She said the screams were heard on the whole floor before Lucia showed up and send everyone away. Nobody understood what happened but Micaela suffered the consequence of Eva’s fury afterwards.

Guille didn’t say much except that he was moving with Valentina to his uncle's house. Renata didn’t ask because it wasn’t her place, and despite the seriousness of the matter, she felt relieve of taking a break from playing house with Guille. He could be a lot. Especially to someone like Renata who is so self sufficient, and he can’t even do the laundry right. So, living together has been a challenge, there are a few issues they would need to work out, but they love each other. That’s what matters.

Now, through dinner, Valentina generally explains her the fight with Eva, the incident with Johny and Lucia’s involvement.

“Why was he so angry with her? Had he met her before?” Renata asks.

“I don’t think so. He told Lucia that Juliana’s Jacobo’s daughter.”

“What?”

“Of course he didn’t tell her about how he got violent with her.”

 

“What do you mean she’s Jacobo’s daughter?”

“I don’t know, that’s what he told her.”

“Is it true?”

“I don’t know. And Lucia doesn’t want me to talk to Juliana,” Valentina rolls her eyes.

“Why?” Guille asks, puzzled.

She hesitates, “Juliana’s father is not a nice person.”

“What do you mean?”

“Apparently, he’s a _sicario_ ,” Valentina mumbles.

“What?!” He shouts. “Well, Lucia’s right, you can’t see her anymore.”

 

Valentina frowns and Renata rolls her eyes at him, “Guillermo.”

“What? She’s right, it’s too dangerous,” he directs at Renata.

“Juliana’s father has nothing to do with her,” Renata calmly answers. He’s so overprotective when it comes to Valentina.

“Exactly!”

“Valentina,” he warns but they both ignore him.

“What are you going to do?”

“I think I should talk to her.“

“No, no. That’s a terrible idea,” Guille steps in, offended at their indifference. “You have to stay away from those people.”

“You sound like Eva,” Valentina scoffs.

“I don’t want you getting hurt, Val. This is dangerous,” he pleads. “They are dangerous.”

“Her dad is a bad person, not her. Not Juliana. You don’t even know her, Guille.”

“But it is suspicious that she’s Jacobo’s daughter, why did she never mention it before?”

“We don’t even know if that’s true!”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“Guillermo!” Renata cuts them off, once they start they don’t stop. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with them talking,” they both look at her sharply. Guille in hurt and betrayal, but Valentina’s eyes are hopeful. “I mean, what harm could it do? It’s just a talk and she can even come here, if it makes you feel better.”

He’s angry at her, for meddling between them but especially for taking Valentina’s side. Renata understand how protective he is of her little sister but she also knows that Valentina’s much more smart that people give her credit for. They’re going to have a fight about it. It’s set firmly in his frown and the hardness of his eyes. Renata knows how special their relationship is, but he needs to understand that after everything that happened with Eva, for Juliana no less, Guille should know better than to make the same mistake. She would have to talk to him and make him understand because she can see it in his eyes, he’s going to do something stupid.

Renata breathes a heavy sigh. When she invited them for dinner, Renata thought it would be a peaceful affair, but at this point, she should know better. Nothing is peaceful with the Carvajals.

Valentina gives her a grateful smile.

Hopefully, the desert will go better.

 

//**//

 

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. The happiness of making up with Juliana, the relief of seeing her after so many days. The overwhelming sadness that she finally allowed herself to feel. The rage of Johny hurting Juliana. The disappointment in Lucia and Guille. Valentina’s exhausted.

What had started like a beautiful, promising day got clouded with stupid Johny, and the bitter taste of Lucia and Guille. Valentina has enough people telling her what to do, they don’t need to add themselves to that list.

She understands that they want to protect her, but it’s just like Eva. Why can they trust her? Why do they think they know better when none of them even met Juliana? Just because Juliana grew up surrounded by awful people doesn’t make her a bad person. On the contrary, Valentina has never met someone as beautiful and good as Juliana.

Juliana answers at the third ring and Valentina could cry in relief. She gets to do that now, she can call Juliana and they can talk about their problems.

_“Hi, Val.”_

“Juliana,” Valentina happily exhales, burying her face in the pillow.

 

_“I’m really glad you call.”_

“Why? Is something wrong?” Valentina sits in the bed, already thinking how fast she can get to Juliana.

_“No, I just- I wanted to hear your voice.”_

“Yeah? Me too, I’m glad we could talk today,” she lies down again, “I missed you.”

_“Me too. It’s not just- I missed everything about you, but talking to you is what I missed the most.”_

“I know. I feel the same way,” about everything Juliana said but what she didn’t say too. “I need to see you. Can I see you tomorrow?” Valentia knows she sounds needy, but she doesn’t care, is true.

_“Yeah, I think we need to talk.”_

She sounds so serious that a cold fear crawls at Valentina. “Are you- is something wrong?”

_“No, I just need to talk to you about something. But it can wait until tomorrow.”_

Valentina wants to ask, she wants to know right now. Voices echo at the back of her mind. Lucia’s pleadings, Guille’s warnings, but worse of all, the loudest voice is Eva’s.

_“Val, today was a good day. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”_

Juliana is begging for Valentina to not push the matter. At least for today, and she understands. They deserve to enjoy today.

“It was a good day,” Valentina smiles, leting go of everyone else, only Juliana's voice in her mind. She hears Juliana relief sigh.

They keep talking until one of them falls asleep. If it were up to them, they would stay in this moment forever, hearing the other one peacefully breathing through the phone.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I think Guille was a lawyer. One of the most ridiculous things they did is Guille not finding a job sooner.
> 
> 2\. Micaela is Renata's friend and Eva's secretary. Right? I can't remember the name, so now she's Micaela.
> 
> 3\. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sometimes I like it too.


	6. Desencuentro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it felt like forever too. But I do hope you enjoy it!

 

 

 

_La casualidad de poder vernos se escapa. Somos diferentes cielos, en un mismo mapa._

_Échale sal al café, no está mal ir a probar. Tenemos la misma sed, con distinto paladar._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s the first time she has slept through the night. Not restless dreams that turn into nightmares, nor painful memories that hunt her until the morning light comes. Valentina doesn’t remember falling asleep but she does remember the feeling of peace before closing her eyes.

 

She remembers Juliana and a smile settles in her face. Juliana’s kind eyes, her soothing voice and her lovely perfume. Valentina’s not fully awake, her mind is still foggy. Slow. She feels light, warm and happy in this perfect space, this little in between. And it’s like her tired mind knows how rare this blissful moment is, how flitting, so the unconsciousness tugs her to Juliana’s hugs for a little while longer. 

 

Valentina snugs more tightly, ready to keep dreaming about sweet kisses and tender touches, unfortunately the obnoxious beeping doesn’t let her. She grunts.

 

A hand ventures out of the cocoon and blindly searches the phone. Once it’s found, the hand retreats. Suddenly Valentina’s sitting up, hair sticking in all directions, trying to read the text. It’s blurry, but she sees Juliana’s name and just like that her happy bubble pops and her brain catches up.

 

Guille. Lucia. Jacobo.

 

Johny.

 

A cold shiver runs through her spine and dread settles in her stomach. Valentina’s never been a violent person but as soon as she saw Johny so close and aggressive with Juliana, she lost it. The harsh, violent anger she felt in that moment blinded everything and everyone. It didn’t matter that Johny’s twice her size, nor that he could easily hurt her too. All that mattered was protecting Juliana.

 

_“I don’t expect you to understand but I was just trying to protect you. Protect the family.”_

 

How dare he? Even if he’s right and Juliana’s part of some evil plan to scam her, Johny had no right to touch her. And who does he think he is? The family’s keeper or something equally ridiculous?

 

_“But what do you really know about her? How did you meet her?”_

 

Juliana approached her because she wanted to help. Valentina was crying and Juliana just wanted to know if she needed anything. She was being considerate to someone who was suffering.

 

_“Don’t you think that’s a little suspicious?”_

 

No. Lucia doesn’t know her. She doesn’t know how compassionate and giving Juliana is. If it were anyone else, it may be suspicious but not her. Not Juliana, who is willing to help strangers just because is the right thing to do.

 

_“But it is suspicious that she’s Jacobo’s daughter and she never mentioned it.”_

 

Guille doesn’t know her either, he’s just being the overprotecting brother he’s always been. Over reacting and seeing danger in everything.

 

_“You can’t put your neck on the line for her. You don’t know her, you don’t know who she is.”_

 

Of all the voices that echo in her mind, that’s the one that scares Valentina the most. The one she can’t quiet down because what if Eva is right? If Eva is right with this, does it mean she’s right with everything else?

 

_“Thank goodness dad isn’t here because if he was, he would be very disappointed in you.”_

 

Valentina squeezes her eyes and refuses to keep crying over it. She’s so tired. Exhausted that the words still hurt. Valentina’s afraid they won’t ever stop hurting.

 

They don’t know Juliana. None of them do and neither of them tried to. Juliana will explain and it would be okay. It is suspicious, there are things that don’t match up but there must be a perfectly good explanation for all of it. It has to, Valentina’s sure of it.

 

Breathe in. She just needs to trust Juliana. Trust the feelings she has for her and it would be okay.

 

With her mind made up, she texts Juliana back. Renata had kindly offered her apartment but Valentina doesn’t want to cause more trouble between her brother and his girlfriend. She decided to meet Juliana at Camilo’s and is nervously playing with her hair when Mercedes brings Juliana to the living room.

 

Breathe out. It would be okay.

 

“Hi, Val.”

 

“Hi,” Valentina’s dumbstruck but she can’t help it, Juliana’s breathtaking. Her head understands that they need to talk but her body doesn’t. Her arms ache to reach out and hold Juliana.

 

Breathe in.

 

Juliana hesitates before sitting, unsure how to act around her and the longing in Valentina turns to anxious nerves. Why is Juliana so nervous?

 

_“...what do you really know about her?”_

 

Breathe out. Valentina knows that Juliana’s ticklish, that her laugh is sweeter in the morning and her kisses are Valentina’s greatest comfort. But does any of that matter?

 

“How are you?”

 

“Fine,” Valentina croaks past the lump of fear in her throat. “You?”

 

“I’m really glad to see you,” Juliana’s smile is forced.

 

_“...she approached you in the park, don’t you think that’s a little suspicious?”_

 

Valentina needs to know, she needs to quiet down the taunting voices.

 

Deep breath in.

 

“I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.” Juliana’s whispers a defeated  _okay_  and looks down. It feels like an answer already.

 

“Is Jacobo your dad?”

 

Juliana looks up and Valentina sees the answer in her eyes before she says anything. Juliana presses her lips together, trying to contain the words.

 

“Yes.”

 

Breathe, just breathe. Valentina tries but it’s so hard. She knew it was coming but it stings so much. It pierces right through her heart, knocking all the air out.

 

_“You can’t put your neck on the line for her. You don’t know her, you don’t know who she is.”_

 

How could she have been so blind? Was she so desperate and lonely that a perfect stranger could deceive her so easily?

 

“Val-” Juliana’s eyes are full of remorse but it only angers Valentina.

 

_“You don’t know her, you don’t know who she is.”_

 

“I can’t believe you lie to me. I thought-” Valentina’s incapable to hold the tears anymore.

 

“No, Val-“

 

“-I thought you trusted me-“

 

“Val, please.“

 

“I thought I could trust you. Did you lie to me this whole time?”

 

“No.”

 

“But you did!”

 

“No, I didn’t! I didn’t know my dad worked here.”

 

“How could-” Valentina struggles to talk through the pain clawing at her throat, “how could you not know that?!”

 

“Val, I have never seen him here! The first time I saw him was yesterday.” Juliana’s pleading brown eyes begs Valentina to believe. “I never lie to you, I don’t have any reason to lie to you. I have never lied to you.”

 

She sounds so genuine and honest. It makes hurt so much more.

 

_“You don’t know her, you don’t know who she is.”_

 

Valentina believed in Juliana like she believed in breathing. It was something that just was. As easy as that. Juliana’s kind nature, her caring love and genuine concern made trusting her effortless. And falling in love with Juliana felt so natural and fitting that Valentina never even questioned that Juliana is a woman. She had been concerned but she never questioned her feelings for Juliana.

 

Something as pure and bright couldn’t be wrong. But the betrayal poisons every little bit of that love, turning it in helpless pain.

 

“Val,” Juliana begs, “I thought I would never see him again.”

 

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Valentina grabs her head, the room is spinning. The axis of the world shifted and everything is lopsided. “It doesn’t make any sense because the person you say your father is and the person I met are two completely different people. You say your dad’s a  _sicario_ and Jacobo’s a beautiful person that works here. Someone who talks with me and cares for me. He saved me-“

 

“Valentina-“

 

“No! You know what? I don’t know what to believe.” It’s all too much. Between the pain, the hurt and anger, Valentina feels like she’s about to explode. “I think you better leave, Juliana.”

 

“No! No. Val, wait. You have to listen to me. Please, just listen,” her voice trembles. “I would go after, but I need you to listen to me first. Please, Val.” Valentina remains quiet, unable to deny the desperation in Juliana. “I told you, my mom and I came to Mexico looking for El Chino. He left us in Texas, and it wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t stolen money from some  _narcos_ and left us there to answer for him.”

 

“Juliana-” but Juliana waves her hand, dismissing the subject, like it doesn’t matter, like her life being in so much danger is something to brush about.

 

“We didn’t know where he was. I think I saw him at the hospital, when my mom was there but he disappeared before I could talk to him. If I had known where he was, don’t you think I would have told those awful people so they wouldn’t hurt Lupe?”

 

Valentina remembers a horrible man in an elevator, asking for El Chino. Dangerous men shooting in a hospital because they were looking for Juliana’s dad. Lupe’s injury and Juliana’s panic through it all.

 

“I didn’t know where he was, I didn’t know he was working here. The first time I saw him since he left us in Texas was yesterday when he climbed out of your car.”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

 

“Because I didn’t know what he was doing or why he was pretending to be a driver. I was asking him when Johny Corona show up and started screaming at me.” Juliana doesn’t seem particularly upset about it but the memory still unsettles Valentina. “He started shouting, demanding to know how I knew him and I didn’t know who Johny was or what he had to do with El Chino but I know how dangerous the people surrounding him can be.”

 

“Did you talk to him?”

 

“He came to the house after. I asked him what he was doing here but he told me the same dumb story from before, that he is not my dad.”

 

“What- Who is he supposed to be then?” Valentina snaps, tired of this matter.

 

“I know how it sounds-“

 

“That’s- You have to understand- It doesn’t make any sense!”

 

“I know. I just- I don’t know how to explain it to you.” Juliana hesitated. “He says he’s not my dad, that he’s someone who died and woke up in my dad’s body- I know! I know how it sounds but that’s what he said. It’s crazy and obviously I don’t believe him but the problem is that my mom does.”

 

Of all the things she could have said, Valentina wasn’t expecting that. She had read a lot about it but she never thought it could be truly possible. How could it be? There are more probabilities to Juliana lying to her than this story about reincarnation being true.

 

“Val? Say something.”

 

Valentina’s still trying to wrap her head around it, but something is clear. “I think- I think there’s someone we need to talk to.”

 

She’s about to go look for Camilo when her phone rings, Guille’s goofy face flashing on the screen. She needs to take care of that before he comes kicks down the door with the police. She grabs her phone and goes to the other side of the room.

 

_“Val! Why haven’t you answered my texts?! Did you meet Juliana? Are you okay?”_

 

Valentina rolls her eyes, “yes, Guillermo, I’m okay.”

 

_“Did you meet her?”_

 

“Yes.”

 

 _“What did she say? Is it true?”_  Valentina hesitates. _“Valentina!”_

 

“Guille! Don’t worry, I have it under control.”

 

_“Valentina, this isn’t a game. She lied to you.”_

 

“It’s not that simple-“

 

_“Yes, it is! It’s not like your girlfriend simply forgot to mention her sicario father works as our driver-"_

 

“Guille!” Valentina interrupts him, turning away from Juliana before she can see the deep blush Valentina can feel the heat burning her face. She knows he didn’t mean anything about it but the word still throws her off.

 

_“Look, I know she’s special to you but-"_

 

“Guillermo, please.”

 

_“Okay. I won’t- just please, please be careful.”_

 

“I will be.”

 

_“Pinky promise, Val.”_

 

“Yeah, okay. Bye.”

 

She hangs up and goes to look for Camilo. A brief glaze to Juliana brings the heat to her face, the damned word echoing in her mind.

 

 

//**//

 

 

After mumbling an excuse, Valentina goes to look for her uncle and leaves Juliana alone. Juliana doesn’t know why Valentina wants her to talk to him but at least she hasn’t kick her out yet.

 

She’s reading the back of some books when Valentina and an old man enter the room. He doesn’t look like a doctor, with his messy white hair and slack clothes.

 

“Camilo, this is Juliana. Juliana, my uncle Camilo.”

 

“Hello, how are you?” 

 

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

 

He shakes her hand and offers a seat to them.

 

“You look better,” He says to Valentina. Juliana looks puzzled but Valentina avoids eye contact.

 

“I’m fine, much better,” she’s embarrassed and Juliana doesn’t understand why.

 

“Yes, I imagine,” he has a teasing glint in his eyes. “So, Valentina, what can I do for you?”

 

“Jacobo Reyes,” Valentina says and his mirth vanishes. “We want to know why are you friend with a  _sicario_?”

 

He gives a long sigh, sitting more comfortably but doesn’t answer.

 

“Juliana and her mom came here from Texas, running away from  _narcos_ because he abandoned them. Then he comes to work at the house because you recommended him. And now he’s saying he’s not her father.”

 

“Which is obviously a lie,” Juliana continues. Camilo brings a hand to his face, which is half covered in shadows by his long shaggy hair. He’s quietly calculating what to say, Juliana can see it in his thoughtful eyes. It bothers her. He knows something. “I don’t know how many people he’s been lying too, but I won’t allow him to keep doing it anymore.” Camilo’s eyes narrow. He’s testing her but Juliana’s not bluffing. She learned how to play cards before she learned how to read. “I will go to the police.”

 

“Wait, look.” Juliana wants to roll her eyes, they are so predictable. Just like with El Chino and all his associates, _'police'_ is a magic word. “I can explain, but it’s complicated. He- Jacobo Reyes died and he reincarnated in El Chino’s body. I know how it sounds,” he says at their laughing faces.

 

“Are you being serious?”

 

“Yes, I know how it sounds, it’s complicated and very difficult to understand but I’m serious.”

 

“It’s absurd. It doesn’t make any sense, right? I mean-“

 

Juliana’s getting sick of this stupid lie, “this doesn’t happen. It’s ridiculous.”

 

“It has to do with what I’m currently studying: soul transmigration.” He says it like it’s a big revelation, like it supposed to mean something to Juliana.

 

“You mean- like what I read in your first book?”

 

“That’s about reincarnation, which is completely different from transmigration. In transmigration, the human being who dies keeps the conscience of their previous life.” Wait, what? “Juliana? If you want, I can give you my first book so you can study-“

 

“Wait, you mean to tell me he’s telling the truth? That this actually happened? You can’t be serious.” He would have to excuse her skepticism, she doesn’t mean to insult his life work but this can’t be real. 

 

“There’s something I don’t understand,” Valentina cuts in, “if Jacobo isn’t Juliana’s dad, then who is he? You have to know who Jacobo is.”

 

Juliana’s still trying to wrap her around the fact that apparently someone else is wandering around in El Chino’s body but Valentina’s question unsettles Camilo. Transmigrating souls didn’t bother him, but this does.

 

“Jacobo is-he’s a dear friend of mine. Someone that I’m very fond of,” he stumbles, not looking at Valentina. “He’s a very good guy, a very good person.”

 

“Okay, well-” Juliana barely restrains from rolling her eyes. Usually, when someone insists so much on the goodness of another person, it’s because they’re not. “I’m sorry but- there’s- I’m-” deep breaths Juliana, deep breaths. “If this transmigration thing was real, everyone would know it. People would talk about, it would be on the news.”

 

“Totally.”

 

“Yes, absolutely. You’re right but the subject of transmigration isn’t well-known in the west. But it is present in other cultures, like Tibetan and other millenary cultures through-”

 

Juliana laughs, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to offend you but it sounds like you took this from a movie.” 

 

“Yes, I know. I understand. It’s logical, to believe or not to believe. To see to believe,” he laughs and points to them, he’s trying to say something but Juliana gets distracted with Valentina.

 

She hadn’t realize how close they were. She feels every little part of their bodies that are touching, despite the large couch they are in, they ended up sitting almost on top of each other. And it’s not until Valentina laughs and bumps her head into Juliana’s shoulder that she realizes how close their faces are.

 

Camilo keeps talking but he sounds so far away. Juliana looks straight at him, trying to focus on his words. But he keeps rambling on and on about things that Juliana’s having a hard time following. It’s all Valentina’s fault. Juliana feels the intensity of her gaze all over her body and the room quickly becomes hot.

 

Camilo’s staring at her, waiting for an answer. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“The police, I don’t think it’s a good idea to call them. It would be a big mistake to turn an innocent man-“ 

 

Yes, of course. “Okay, well, if Jacobo’s not El Chino then where is El Chino’s soul? Is it missing? Is it in another body?”

 

“Those questions don’t have answers yet. I don’t have them. But I will, eventually.”

 

“Well, while you wait for those answers to come, I will talk to Jacobo and find out where my dad is.” She doesn’t mean to be rude to him but Juliana’s tired of all this secrecy.

 

“But you don’t know where he is or how to find him.” Juliana narrows her eyes, how does he know that? “I mean, very dangerous people are looking for him. It’s safer if you leave this to me.”

 

“Yes, he’s right. I don’t think it’s safe, Juliana.”

 

“I will find him, when he calls me I will bring him here and then you can talk to him.”

 

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Valentina insists, eager to keep Juliana out of danger. 

 

Juliana agrees, if only to calm Valentina’s nervousness.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Lucia storms through the office, furious with the entirety police department of this city. The employees wisely avoid the wrath path, they see her coming and hurriedly cower back. This city has the most incompetent police force of the whole country, and Montilla has to be the most worthless Inspector that has ever grace the uniform. 

 

She went to Montilla early in the morning, hoping he could find Jacobo and get a head start to Valentina, who, Lucia knows, won’t keep her promise to stay away. Surely the police can track Jacobo’s phone or something. But apparently that’s asking too much of Inspector Montilla, who is more interest in knowing about Lucia and her concern in Jacobo Reyes, than he is in finding a  _sicario_  imposing a driver.

 

Honestly, this people. She’s going to be late to a meeting because a bunch of arrogant men can’t do the bare minimum of their job.

 

Including Jacobo, that has conveniently disappeared in the middle of the chaos. Lucia can come to understand the conveniently forgotten daughter and that he may not want to talk about it. But the  _sicario_ part needs explanation, quickly. If he could just answer his damn phone and talk to her.

 

How hard can it be to find someone? They must be doing it on purpose, Lucia can not believe the police department have such an incompetent group of people.

 

She’s still fuming with Montilla when she enters in her office and sees Guillermo looking at the view.

 

“Guille, darling. I didn’t know you were coming,” Lucia was expecting him, after everything that happened with Valentina he was bound to come sooner or later. “How are you? I was about-“

 

“I need to talk to you.”

 

“Can we do this later? I’m a little busy at the moment.”

 

“It’s about Jacobo.”

 

The hard edge of his tone makes her stop. A cold dread sinks in her stomach. Slowly Lucia turns. Guille’s downcast eyes, his somber attitude and a glass in his hand. She lets her secretary know not to pass any call and uneasily sits.

 

“What happened? Is there any news?” She works out through the lump in her throat.

 

“I learned about something and I- I wanted to tell you.”

 

Horrible scenarios run through her mind, one worse than the other. “What happened? Is Valentina alright?”

 

“Yes, I think she is.”

 

“What do you mean you think? How can you not know?”

 

“She is with Juliana-Yes, I know.”

 

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.” Lucia knew this would happen. “Is she okay? Is she safe?”

 

“They are with Camilo.” Guille hesitates, “Lucia, Jacobo is Juliana’s dad.”

 

The words punch all the air from her lungs. “So, it’s true,” she mumbles, not looking at Guille, lest he sees her heart breaking.

 

“Did you also knew that before being our driver, Jacobo was a  _sicario_?”

 

“That’s- Is it true?”

 

“Juliana told Valentina. His own daughter-“

 

“But how sure are we? What-did she say those exact words?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“And Juliana? What does she have to do with this?”

 

“I don’t know! I only know what Valentina said.”

 

“So, we don’t even know if Juliana is involved,” Guille looks at a lost and it infuriates Lucia even more, “and you let Valentina meet her alone? Why didn’t you go with her?”

 

“You try to tell Valentina what to do!” He burst and Lucia blows air, frustrated because she did tried, apparently with the same success Guille had. “Jacobo’s a good person. I know he is. He helped me so much that I refuse to believe this is true.”

 

She thought the same thing. Lucia’s eyes sting and the string around her heart tightens. She thought that what they had was real. For a moment she dare to believe she could be happy again.

 

“I appreciate you coming here to tell me this,” she looks away, brushing a tear.

 

“I don’t know how to process this,” he sounds like a lost little boy asking for help Lucia isn’t ready to give.

 

“I really need to go to this meeting.”

 

“What do we do, Lucia? Do we talk with Jacobo? With the police?”

 

“I don’t know. The police needs to take care of this,” she laughs bitterly. They are all useless but she can’t cope with this right now. “I don’t know, Guille. We just need to take care of Valentina, okay?”

 

“What are we going to do?” He brokenly asks, desperate for her to take care of it, of him.

 

Lucia can’t hold him when she’s barely holding herself together. She didn’t ask for this; she didn’t ask for them.

 

“I just-” she just needs a minute to breathe first. “We would talk to Valentina and decide later.”

 

All of her life, Lucia felt at the verge of drowning, with constant weights pulling her down waiting for her to give up and let herself be pulled down. But Lucia never did, she never stopped fighting, even when the weight felt unbearably heavy, she just kept going. Through any means necessary, she kept herself afloat.

 

Leon allowed her to breathe. He made the burden more bearable, and she believed that they could have made it together, even with Johny’s constant heaviness. But Leon died, because Johny killed him, because Lucia helped him, and her suffocating reality came back.

 

Then Jacobo appear and made everything better, with him all heaviness disappeared and Lucia was finally free. Because he wouldn’t care about her past or her weights. Apparently that’s a lie too.

 

She just needs a minute to get used to the weights again.

 

 

//**//

 

 

_“I’m coming, I’m coming. You are going to throw the door down!”_

 

The words come muffled and thick.

 

_“Beltran, he is- He’s- What is he doing here? Why did you bring him here?! He’s bleeding!”_

 

He’s being drag somewhere.

 

_“Shut up! Take this and go to the pharmacy, bring everything you need to heal him.”_

 

There’s some ruffling and he’s been laid down. He quickly blacks out again. When he recovers consciousness, he’s laying on a couch, dizzy and with blurry vision that makes him even more light-headed. The strong smell of incense doesn’t help either.

 

A woman approaches.

 

“Where am I?” She doesn’t answer, just examines the wound in his head. She’s too old to have been the one that hit him and brought him here. “What is this place?”

 

“Shh, just sit. Easy,” she gives him a glass of water and pills that he refuses to take, even though his head’s killing him. “It’s for the headache, don’t be difficult.”

 

“What am I doing here? What do you want with me?”

 

“What do I want? I want to stop babysitting kidnapped people, for starters. I also want that you people would stop coming to my house like is some kind of hotel!”

 

“You people? What are you talking about?” He tries to stand and realize that his hand is handcuffed to the couch.

 

“Not my idea, if it was for me you would be more than welcome to leave.”

 

“Who did this? Is it Johny?”

 

“I don’t know who Johny is, but Beltran will be back shortly. Hopefully, you will be out of here then.”

 

“Beltran? Who is Beltran? Does he work for Johny?”

 

“I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me anything!” The bell rings and the woman stands to leave.

 

“Wait! Don’t leave,” Leon yanks the handcuff. “Help! Someone help me! They kidnap me, help! Help!”

 

“Come on, man, don’t be like that. I gave you the pills and I didn’t have to do that, you know?” She brings a plate with a questionable sandwich. “They won’t hear you back here, anyway. I need to work, so be quiet.”

 

He sits, fuming and pulling the handcuff.

 

“What? Not even a thank you? You all so ungrateful. I don’t even know why I bother.” She goes but sticks her head a moment later, “Beltran will be back soon, behave until then.”

 

Yeah, right. He’s going to pick the handcuff and leave before this Beltran dude shows up. At the groan his stomach makes he warily looks at the plate on the table. Rolling his eyes he grabs the soggy sandwich, poisoned food is the least of his worries.

 

 

//**//

 

 

“Do you believe me now?”

 

It’s not fair that she asks that question with such a pleading look. Valentina rolls her eyes at herself, she can’t deny her anything like that.

 

“I do. I’m sorry for how I reacted.”

 

Juliana shakes her head, “you thought I lied to you, that I was using you. You had a right to be upset about it.”

 

Valentina never said that’s what scared her, Juliana lying to gain something from her. That everything that had happened between them had been a lie. She never said the words out loud, but Juliana still knew.

 

“Still, I should have trusted you- I should have known better.”

 

“Well, you know now. We both do.”

 

They do. It’s something that her heart always knew but by others meddling, her head had a hard time believing. Finally, the voices are quiet and the lie that contaminated her feelings with pain has evaporated.

 

Valentina wishes people would stop interfering in their relationship. It feels like they are being tugged apart by expectations about what other people think they should be or how they should be. Valentina had never questioned it. What makes them think they can? 

 

And it’s not even about the romantic aspect of it, it’s their friendship too. They have a problem with Juliana. She doesn’t understand why they care so much, Valentina doesn’t and that’s all that matters.

 

“How are you feeling with all that Camilo said? I know you got upset.”

 

They are sitting on the steps, in Chivi’s house. Valentina offered to bring her, but she’s not ready to say goodbye yet.

 

“Val, I just- I’m having a hard time believing in all of this stuff.”

 

Valentina knows how hard is for Juliana. It’s not only because of her dad but the whole spiritual part of it too. Juliana needs to see in order to believe. Except when it comes to them. With them, Juliana has more belief than Valentina. Which it’s perfectly fine, if Juliana can believe for the both of them with that, then Valentina can believe for the both of them with this.

 

“Can I tell you something? That book is magical,” Valentina grabs the book she lent to Juliana. “You need to give it a chance, you get very skeptical and I know you won’t believe anything but this book changed my life. Look,” she finds the bookmark and reads,  _“Different spiritual disciplines state that souls reincarnate in the same family, be it by blood or friendship.”_

 

Valentina lifts an eyebrow challenging but can’t contain the laugh that escapes her. “Think about it, it makes sense.”

 

“Yeah, it does.”

 

“And, if that’s true, then I could reunite with my family again,” she had never said that aloud before but it’s the main reason why she believes in this stuff. “And, I don’t know- maybe you could have been my prince charming in another life,” she jokes. Kinda, but not really. “Which makes so much sense and would explain a lot, don’t you think?”

 

That pretty smile and those playful eyes. Valentina has to look away, lest she ends up doing something silly, like kissing her.

 

“Yes. With that argument I supposed I could start to believe in these things.” Juliana gets up and holds her hand to Valentina, “come on, let’s eat something. You have an awful habit of not feeding me breakfast.”

 

Why is she being like this? It’s not fair to Valentina. It’s a dangerous game to play, especially because Valentina knows she will lose every time. And going by Juliana’s cocky smile, she knows it too.

 

“It’s not my fault! None of those times were my fault and you know it,” Valentina grabs the hand and miscalculates the pull. They end up dangerously close.

 

Juliana just smiles and goes inside. Valentina may need a minute.

 

“Which one do you want? With or without butter?” Juliana asks her, putting bread in a toaster.

 

“Uh, with?” Valentina sits on the counter.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Uh-uh.”

 

“You sure? You don’t sound sure,” Juliana takes the bread out of the toaster, only one side toasted. Valentina smiles. “Here, take both.”

 

“Do I look hungry?”

 

“Yes,” Juliana laughs.

 

“So, are you going to believe now?”

 

“If you keep giving me those lovely arguments, then I have to.”

 

“I would be happy to.”

 

“Val. It’s not like- I don’t dismiss the reincarnation thing but- it’s a lot to take in.”

 

“Wait a second, did I hear that right?” Valentina hops from the counter, “you don’t dismiss the reincarnation?”

 

“Well-” Juliana fumbles with the bread, embarrassed.

 

“No, no. Wait, stop everything you are doing. I need all of your focus,” Valentina turns Juliana to her, pulling them in each other space. That’s her first mistake. “Clearly you’re not getting the whole picture. You can’t leave me alone on this.”

 

“On what?”

 

“On this!” Being so close to her after so long, Valentina can’t resist the need to touch her. She strokes Juliana’s face, tucks her hair, breathes in her perfume. That’s her second mistake. “This absurd belief, what will people think of me if you don’t trust and believe in me? What would they say?!”

 

“That you’re crazy, obviously,” Juliana’s eyes are full of tenderness. “You’re so crazy.”

 

“You are so rude!”

 

“Why?”

 

Everything slows down. Valentina feels so much love and happiness bubbling inside of her. Surely she’s about to explode from it. She loves this girl so much. The need to kiss Juliana overwhelms her. Since the moment she knew what Juliana’s lips tasted like, Valentina knew everything else would be ruin for her.

 

Valentina wishes she could kiss her. She sees the same desire reflected it in pretty brown eyes. But they broke up. Juliana said she needed time, she said that she needed space.

 

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Valentina backs away. “This transition is a bit difficult”

 

“Val,” Juliana sighs. "We’ve talked about this.”

 

“Mhmm.” They did, but it doesn’t mean Valentina has to like it. And she doesn’t like it, not one bit.

 

“Val, it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped feeling what I feel for you.” Valentina rolls her eyes, annoy at the situation. “With everything that’s happening- I don’t think this is the right time for us to be together.”

 

Juliana’s right, Valentina knows she is. It still doesn’t mean she has to like it.

 

“Val,” Juliana approaches her, pressing their bodies together. Valentina avoids eye contact until Juliana whispers a quiet look at me. That’s her third mistake because they are so close now. “If all that reincarnation thing is true, then perhaps we will find each other in another life.”

 

Valentina doesn’t want another life, she wants this one. She doesn’t want to wait a lifetime to be with Juliana, Valentina wants to be with her now.

“What happens if I’m your grandmother in that other life?”

 

“No, I don’t want you to be my grandmother.” Juliana laughs and keeps playing with Valentina’s hair, touching her, caressing her.

 

“I don’t want to be your grandmother either,” Valentina feels a single tear fall. She doesn’t want to wait.

 

They press their foreheads and breathe. Valentina needs to center herself, she’s trying very hard not to cry. It’s so unfair. She wants to be with Juliana and Juliana wants to be with her. Why would anything else matter?

 

Juliana strokes her cheek, her nose, and brings both hands to cup her face with the same tenderness she has always treated Valentina with. Juliana breathes in Valentina’s sigh, and she’s helpless to it. Juliana pulls and Valentina happily follows, crossing the remaining space, Valentina kisses her.

 

Her lips are as soft as Valentina remembers, she doesn’t need anything else in life. Just this girl and these kisses. Valentina’s hands tightly grip the counter, giving Juliana complete control of the kiss. She can do with Valentina as she pleases, she doesn’t care as long as she keeps kissing her like this.

 

 

//**//

 

 

The elevator doors open and she finds someone she had forgotten. There, on the other side, is the same lost boy she used to hold when he cried himself to sleep because they didn’t have a mother anymore. Eva’s surprised to see him here like this, so sad and afflicted. For one horrified second Eva thinks his mood has to do with Valentina but when he sees her inside the elevator, his sad eyes fill with disdain. He doesn’t say anything, just enters and pushes the button. Guille wouldn’t do that to her if there was something wrong with Valentina, he wouldn’t hide something like that from her.

 

 

It must be something else. Eva wishes she could hug him like when he was little, but it’s clear that her comfort is not something he looks for anymore.

 

She’s late to a meeting in this floor but she stays put.

 

“Are you finally back to work?”

 

Nothing.

 

“To what do we own the pleasure of your presence then?”

 

Eva’s roll her eyes, why they have to be so difficult?

 

“When are you and Valentina going to stop with this foolishness?” His shoulders tense up but doesn’t answer. “Come on, Guillermo, don’t be dramatic. You can’t ignore me forever. I expect this behavior from her, but you should know better.”

 

He bristles but remains quiet.

 

“I know we have had our differences, but I thought that we would always agree on Val.”

 

Finally he turns, eyes full of rage, “are you serious?”

 

“What?! I knew you would take her side but this is getting ridiculous. I tried talking to her but she won’t answer my calls. What do you want me to do?”

 

“I want you to try harder!”

 

“How?! She won’t talk to me, she’s been unreasonable.”

 

“She’s unreasonable?!”

 

Eva leaves a heavy sigh, “what did she tell you?” Surely Valentina exaggerated the story. He falters and Eva’s eyes narrow. “She didn’t tell you?”

 

“No, she didn’t,” he grumbles, displeased.

 

“Well, it doesn’t matter. She would get over it, eventually.”

 

“How could- You have no idea- no ideal of how much you pain you put her through,” he steps forward, fury flickers in his eyes. They have fought a lot, but he’s never been this angry with her. “I lost count how many times I heard her cry herself to sleep.”

 

“Guillermo,” she whispers, stunned at the accusation. Valentina’s been suffering. Because of her, because she hurt her.

 

“I don’t recognize you anymore,” he continues. It all becomes quiet, strain and heavy with his anger. “Mom would be ashamed of you.”

 

The sharp crack of the slap echoes in the elevator. Eva doesn’t realize what happened until she feels the heat in her hand, but even then she’s having a hard time trying to comprehend beyond the painful heartbeats of her heart.

 

Guillermo slowly looks up, his cheek starting to red where Eva’s hand hit him. He doesn’t look surprised, just disappointed. It’s worse, somehow.

 

“Fix this,” he lowly warns before getting out.

 

A cold sweat runs through Eva, her vision narrows and she has to lean on the elevator wall for support. He had never been so cruel before, and it terrifies Eva to think he may be right.

 

 

//**//

 

 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, he’s only aware of waking up. Groggy, slow and heavy. Everything’s spinning and the voices sound muffled and far away.

 

_“How much did you give him?”_

 

_“I don’t know, a couple.”_

 

_“You better not have killed him!”_

 

_“I’m not a nurse, I don’t know how much is too much! And I’m tired of being your on call babysitter-"_

 

“Where am I?” Leon drags the words out. It feels like he swallowed cotton.

 

“Look! He’s waking up.”

 

“You drug me?”

 

“You can’t blame me! We both know you wouldn’t have stayed put otherwise.” The same woman from before smiles from the coffee table, she’s way too close to his face. Leon hates her.

 

“What is this place?” Leon tries to stand but the drugs in his body make it difficult. He barely manages to sit straight.

 

“Barbara, bring him some water,” says a voice from behind. Barbara rolls her eyes, displeased with the order but following it, anyway. 

 

The man sits beside Leon and brings his lanky face too close for Leon’s taste. Do they not know personal boundaries?

 

“Are you Beltran? Why am I here? What do you want?”

 

For a long moment the man doesn’t answer, just stares at him. He’s studying Leon, analyzing every inch of his face. “I don’t know how I end up here either. I don’t know who I am or what I am anymore.”

 

Leon rolls his eyes. Great, he has been kidnapped by another displaced. He recognizes that crazy look anywhere.

 

“Because we are-“

 

“Transmigrants, yeah, yeah. I know,” Leon tries to create a little space between them, the man’s suffocating him.

 

“Yes! That’s the word.”

 

“So, why did you kidnapped me?”

 

“I know you.”

 

“You know me or my body?”

 

“Who are you?” He asks instead, ignoring the question.

 

“A man that had it all until he ended up in this body and lost everything he had.”

 

“Are you a poet now? What’s your name?”

 

“Why do you care?!”

 

“Easy, easy! Sit,” the man forces Leon to the couch. He’s stronger than his wimpy figure appears. “Listen to me, I’m just like you. A transmigrated, right? So, tell me who are you.”

 

Leon doesn’t trust him. But the desperation in his eyes is so familiar. Just like his own.

“Leon Carvajal.”

 

“Does it still hurt here?” The man grips Leon’s shoulder and squeezes and Leon recoils at the pain that burns his arm. “This is my body. I am El Chino Valdes.”

 

“You are El Chino Valdes.” Leon dumbly repeats.

 

“Yes, that’s my face and my body and my hands. I spend a lot of time looking for you. I saw you at the hospital but when I turn around you were gone.”

 

“I had to leave because there were people trying to kill me!”

 

“You should be more careful with a body that’s not yours, I don’t want people shooting at my body.“

 

“They were looking for you!”

 

“Hey, don’t believe everything you hear.”

 

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you have cause me?!”

 

“It’s not like I did this on purpose!”

 

Leon could strangle him. If he weren’t so drugged up and weak, he may do it. He tries to calm down and takes a good look at El Chino. He doesn’t seem so intimidating with the glasses, the mustache, the quirky face and flimsy body.

 

“That body you are in, who it belongs to?”

 

“Beltran Camacho. A college professor,” Chino replies, stretching on the couch and playing with his glasses. “It has a wife, a kid and a dog and everything! A pretty boring life if you ask me,” he’s bored, almost repulsed with this man’s life. “But I put a little fun in it,” he says with a slick smile.

 

“You are so funny,” Leon rolls his eyes, only imagining what El Chino considerate fun. “How did he die?

 

“Car accident.”

 

If that man died and El Chino has his body, and Leon has El Chino’s body, then, “where the fuck is my body?!”

 

“I don’t know, but I do know that I want my body back!” El Chino grabs his arm, like it would be that simple.

 

“Get off of me!” Leon swats his grabby hands off.

 

“Why is this happening to us?!”

 

A bell rings and a butterfly comes flying from the other room. It passes between them.

 

_What the fuck?_

 

“You know what I don’t get?” Says Barbara, suddenly appearing. They both jump scared but she ignores it and sits between them. “I don’t know if I believe this was your body, Beltran.”

 

“Of course is my body. Why do you think I care?”

 

“I would have been more welcoming if you had this body.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You were a lot more pretty before.”

 

“I know!”

 

“Okay, enough!” They are bickering like children and they have more important issues. “There’s people looking for me.”

 

“The police?”

 

“And  _narcos_.”

 

“A good thing out of this mess is that I don’t get shot,” El Chino smirks. “Those hurt like a bitch.”

 

“I don’t wanna get shot!”

 

“Calm down! Nobody’s going to find you here.”

 

“Here?” At that, Barbara turns to El Chino, “here?! No, no. The _sicario_ won’t stay here.”

 

“I’m not a _sicario_! He is a  _sicario_.”

 

“I am not, I’m a college professor.”

 

“I don’t care! No one stays in this house!”

 

“Come on, Barbara. Remember our little deal,” El Chino’s eyes gleam behind the glasses.

 

“You are abusing it, man. I’m starting to believe it’s not worth it anymore.”

 

 

//**//

 

 

Admittedly, she has been avoiding the call. Lupe’s not a coward but she is afraid. It’s not like her mother will say no, it’s she will say yes. In a heartbeat. No questions ask. There’s no doubt in Lupe’s mind that her mother will forgive everything and welcome her with open arms. And, in a way, that’s worse. To know there was never a real reason for their strangled relationship.

 

How could her mother so easily forgive so much heartache? After everything Lupe’s done. After saying those awful things and casting her away. Lupe can’t reconcile with it yet, she can’t forgive herself. She’s not ready to face the guilt of her actions, so she’s avoiding it. But at least she managed to get the money for the bus tickets, all she needs to do is make the call.

 

She’s looking for Juliana to give her the good news when she enters the kitchen. At first she doesn’t get it. She knows what she sees: Juliana kissing Valentina, but her mind can’t make sense of it. Why would Juliana be kissing Valentina?

 

“Juli-” They turn. Valentina hides her face behind Juliana and her daughter’s pleading eyes make Lupe’s mind click. 

 

“Mom,” she pleads, but it’s pointless.

 

“Juliana!” At her angry shout Juliana’s swallows all the fear and turns it into anger, eyes set in determination. She grabs Valentina’s hand and pass through, ignoring Lupe.

 

“No, no, where are you going?” Lupe’s mind is stuck. It doesn’t seem to catch up to what she just saw. It can’t be true.

 

“Mom-” Juliana warns, but Lupe can’t hear her. It just doesn’t make any sense!

 

“Can you explain to me what this is? Because I saw you two kissing!” Her voice comes up high and hysterical but Lupe’s having a nervous breakdown. “All this time you- this is what- I can’t-“

 

Juliana walks faster, Valentina trying to keep up behind her. It infuriates Lupe even more, how protective Juliana is of her and how Valentina cowardly let’s her. She hadn’t seen Lupe in the eyes not even once. This is all her fault. The anger throbs, it contracts and expands beyond Lupe’s control, darkening every thought. It’s impossible for Lupe to think clearly.

 

“What did you do to my daughter?!”

 

“Mom! What’s your problem?!” Juliana puts herself between Valentina and her, shielding her. “She didn’t do anything to me. This is both of us.”

 

“I’m your mother and I know you’ve never done anything wrong in your life.”

 

“This isn’t wrong. Love isn’t a perversion, okay?” Juliana’s tone is firm, resolute. “And you know what? This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life.” She grabs Valentina’s hand, she may intend to show Lupe how harmless it is, but Lupe sees it like a provocation.

 

“Love? She took advantage of you!” Lupe pulls them apart, she can’t stand the thought of her little girl ruining her life like this.

 

“Mom! Mom! She didn’t take advantage of me,” Juliana’s furious.

 

“Yes, she did. Who else knows about this?” Neither of them answer, just look in disbelief at Lupe. They look at her like Lupe’s crazy, like she’s being irrational. They act like what they were doing is right, but it’s not. It is not, and it’s all Valentina’s fault. She deceived her daughter, she used her and Lupe won’t allow it. “Get out of here!”

 

“Mom! Mom, hey!” Juliana pulls Valentina behind her, protecting her. “What do you mean  _‘get out’_?” Juliana steps forward, a disapproving frown set in her face. “Are you throwing her out from the house she lent you?”

 

Everything becomes still. Lupe hadn’t considered it before. The house, the food, the clothes. Everything is because of Valentina. How could she not see it before? Everything she had done, everything she had given them. She has been trying to charm Juliana all this time, to persuade her to do this. How could Lupe have been so blinded?

 

Valentina leaves without a word, but Lupe can hear her crying. Juliana stares hopelessly at her and turns to Lupe. There’s so much disappointment in her eyes. It’s the first time she seems ashamed of her mother, but Lupe won’t back down. She doesn’t care if Juliana’s angry with her now, she would get over eventually.

 

She would fight for Juliana’s well-being, even if it is against Juliana herself. A mother knows best.

 

Juliana shakes her head and side passes her. She sits on the bench and Lupe falters when she sees her hunched shoulders and the devastated expression on her face. Suddenly, Juliana’s a little girl again, desperately trying to contain tears because her dad yelled at her. She’s heartbroken. It breaks Lupe’s heart to know that despite every sacrifice she did, she still ended up failing with Juliana.

 

“Why did you do this to me?” Lupe whimpers, but Juliana clenches her jaw and ignores her. “What the hell did I do wrong? Where did I fail?”

 

“This isn’t your fault. It isn’t about you!” Juliana grits out. “It isn’t anyone’s fault! I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with a woman.”

 

What does she know about love, she’s just a kid! “You don’t know what you are saying.”

 

“But I do know, I know what I’m saying.” She defies. “I had never fallen in love with anyone. And it turns out that the first human being I fall in love with happens to be a woman.”

 

“No.”

 

“Whatever! Why can’t you understand that?”

 

“I’m not going to let you ruin your life. We are leaving this house immediately because I don’t want to own anything to that girl, she won’t keep dazzling you with her money-“

 

“I’m not an idiot,” slowly the anger in Juliana is replaced with disappointment. "I’m not blinded by anyone’s money. And I’m going to tell you something. I’m in love with Valentina and that won’t change because you say so."

 

And Lupe believes every single word. It’s written all over Juliana’s face. She’s not being stubborn or sentimental, Juliana just being factual. It is a fact she’s simply stating and infuriates Lupe because she knows there’s nothing she can say or do to change it.

 

Panchito sits in front of her, his worry face blurred by the tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t know when Juliana left, nor when he arrived, but Lupe throws herself to his waiting arms. He’s a comfort she didn’t know she needed. He holds her through her sobs not knowing what happened but consoling her, anyway.

 

“They were kissing Panchito, I saw them kissing!” She mumbles into his shirt. 

 

“Who were kissing?”

 

“Juliana and Valentina! You were right, Juliana had a secret and that secret turn out to be Valentina.”

 

He’s quiet for so long that Lupe’s sure he didn’t hear her. Eventually he says, “and?”

 

“What do you mean  _‘and’_?” Lupe sits up and frowns at him.

 

“Yeah, what’s the problem?”

 

“Do you think that’s normal?”

 

“Well, yeah. I don’t see anything wrong with it. She fell in love with her friend.”

 

“How can you say that? You are all acting like I’m the crazy one!” She shouts, standing up.

 

“Lupita please, calm down. Don’t make a scene out of this,” Panchito apace. “What is happening to Juliana is normal and it can happen to anyone.”

 

“What do you even know?”

 

“Believe it or not, I have read about this and I know that homosexuality exists since the beginning of humanity. For years!” He says as if Lupe had simply confused facts, like she’s being silly.

 

“Also wars! And not because of that it’s okay to go out and kill people.” He rolls his eyes at her outburst. “All I care about is my daughter’s future. She has had enough with the father that she has. The last thing I need right now is that people start calling her-“

 

“Hey, Lupita. Calm down.” He stands too, “I’m going to give you an advice: please leave your prejudices behind, they only exist to tear down people’s happiness. Open your eyes.”

 

“No, Panchito. This can ruin my daughter’s life.” He doesn’t understand, Juliana already has a lot against her, she doesn’t need this too.

 

“How would you know that? What do you know about-“

 

“I know more than you. I’m her mother.”

 

“Well, I hope you open your mind before you hurt her more and drive her away from you.”

 

He doesn’t get it. No one does, and no one ever will. She is Juliana’s mother, she carried her inside of her. Only Lupe knows how that feels. She was there in every step she gave, through every tear and every laugh.

 

Lupe loves her more than her own life. And she will protect her, from everything and everyone.

 

 


	7. Interlude 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five truths about Juliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be my favorite chapter yet! I hope you like it too.

 

 

_Eu sei que tudo vai ficar bem, e as minhas lágrimas vão secar_

_Eu sei que tudo vai ficar bem, e essas feridas vão se curar_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_1\. Juliana is kind._

 

Juliana’s five years old when she learns about kindness. Like most things in life, she learned it from her mom, by example, from watching Lupe be considerate and friendly with everyone. But the first memory Juliana has of the importance of kindness is when she met Ms Martin.

Every Sunday, Lupe goes to help the old lady from the trailer park. Juliana doesn’t understand why Lupe wakes up so early on a day she doesn’t have to and goes to Ms Martin’s trailer. 

When she asks Lupe about it, her mom explains that when you see someone that needs help and you can help them, then you must. 

“But she’s so mean!”

“She’s not mean. She’s just lonely, _ mija_.”

“Lonely people are mean?”

“Sometimes, lonely people can be mean. But she is not mean, you just don’t know her.”

“But mean people are mean because they are lonely?”

“Sometimes, yes.”

“Is daddy lonely?”

Lupe smile falters and she takes a lot of time before answering, “sometimes.”

“But how? He has us, how come he can be lonely?”

“You are too little to understand, but it can happen. You can be surrounded with people and still feel lonely.”

At Lupe’s sad expression Juliana stopped asking, but she never truly understood the part of being mean, not like her daddy could be. And she still doesn’t understand why the help has to be so early in the day but come next Sunday, Lupe takes a very grumpy Juliana with her.

 

The old lady had always scared Juliana, like every other kid on the trailer park. So much so, that they all referred to her like the witch of the trailer park. She lives on the verge of the lot, near to the woods, in one of the oldest trailers in the lot. It stands desolated and worn out under a big tree, with scary dark shadows. The mismatched chairs and broken windows covered in newspaper completed the somber look. 

Juliana’s a little afraid of going but Lupe doesn’t give her a choice. So, shaking and firmly gripping her mom with her tiny hands, Juliana meets the witch of the trailer park. But the woman who greets Lupe at the door is nothing like Juliana imagined.

 

She's small with white big hair and wrinkled brown eyes. A square face with hard lines, a sharp nose and strong jaw, give Ms Martin a stern looking face that scared Juliana in passing. She always seemed angry and mean. But the woman before her is not what she looks like.

“Good morning, Ms Vera.”

“Lupe! Hi, how are you? Come on in,” she ushers them inside. Warm and friendly. “I see that you brough company.”

“Oh, yes. This is my daughter Juliana. Juli, say hi.” Lupe tries to draw Juliana from behind her legs, but Juliana only grips tighter.

“Hello, how are you?” Even her voice sounds hard. Rough and low. But her tone is gentle, and behind big glasses, Juliana can see kind eyes wrinkled by a smile. It puts her at ease.

“Hi,” Juliana timidly whispers.

“Hello, Juliana. I’m glad to finally meet you, your mother talks about you a lot,” she offers a hand. It’s cold and bony but gentle. Soft.

She gives cookies and milk to Juliana while Lupe tidies up the trailer. Vera has trouble walking, so Lupe comes every Sunday to give her a hand: tiding up, shopping her groceries or just sitting with her outside on the ugly lawn chairs she has. Lupe doesn’t have to do any of it, but after that first visit Juliana understands why she does it. A simple action can do so much for someone. She sees how light and happy Ms Vera is after they leave and how pleased she gets at seeing them approach every Sunday.

From then on, every Sunday Juliana goes with Lupe. At first, for cookies and milk but later, when she’s older, Juliana goes to visit Ms Vera every few days. She still gives her cookies and milk. She always makes sure to have the ones Juliana likes.

Ms Vera helps Juliana do the homework El Chino’s supposed to help her with. She teaches Juliana about literature and history. She lends her books and fashion magazines. Ms Vera gift her a fancy big box of colored pencils for Juliana’s twelve birthday. The first and only ones she gets. She’s kind, patient and knows what Juliana likes and dislikes, and the day she dies, Juliana experienced heartache for the first time.

Ms Vera teached her so much, but most important thing Juliana learned with her is that kidness is easy to give and it may be so important for the other person. And you may gain so much from it too, like Juliana did.

 

 

//**//

 

_2\. Juliana is honest._

 

Juliana learns about honesty when she’s eleven years old and surprisingly, she learns it from her dad. Mainly, by what not to do, because El Chino lies and cheats in everything. In little things like cards and games but in important things too, like when he says to Lupe that he came home early and spend all day with Juliana.

 

She doesn’t understand why he lies. Even at eleven years old, Juliana knows that lying is bad: it never last and it only end up hurting people. But for some reason they mattered to her dad, because it’s the only thing El Chino took the time to teach her.

 

“Isn’t it cheating?”

 

“Not with cards. Here, you have to lie to win. The other players can’t know if you have a good hand.”

 

“But lying is wrong. Miss Lopez, said so.”

 

He rolls his eyes and deals the cards, “Miss Lopez doesn’t know everything.”

 

“Yes, she does. She’s a teacher.”

 

“Kid-" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, like he does when she’s asking too many questions. But Juliana’s not asking questions this time, she’s telling him. “Don’t you want to win?

 

“I guess.”

 

“You guess?” He scoffs. “Of course you want to win, everyone wants to win! Why would you play otherwise?”

 

“I don’t know. Because you like it.”

 

“You don’t like it?” He sounds disappointed and it surprises Juliana that he cares about if she likes playing with him or not. It’s not that Juliana doesn’t like it, she just wishes they could do other stuff, play other things. Like before.

 

“I don’t like lying.”

 

“You may not like it but you have to learn how to do it. Everybody lies!”

 

“Mom doesn’t lie.”

 

“Yes, she does.”

 

“No, she doesn’t.”

 

“Yes, she does.”

 

“No, _you_ lie. Lupe doesn’t lie!”

 

His eyes flicker in fury. “Look kid, your mother’s not the great person you think she is.”

 

Sometimes, he says things like this, harsh words full of anger and resentment, aiming to hurt her. Juliana can see the intention in his cold blue eyes. The cruel want to upset her, to provoke her, to inflict pain. Juliana can sense the dislike directed at her growing each day, and she doesn’t understand what she did or why he doesn’t want her, but as time passes, there are no more playful card games or secret ice cream cones before dinner. Only broken promises and lies that after a lot of heartache and tears, Juliana learned to accept.

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Everyone lies Juliana, the sooner you realize, the better.” He bitterly snorts.

 

Juliana’s so tired of him. Of his vicious words and taunting jokes. Of his lack of love and care. She locks her jaw, trying to contain the angry tears that sting her eyes. “I don’t care, I won’t be like them.”

 

He smiles that slick smirk that Juliana hates, and lays his cards on the table. All the same suit. El Chino stands up, not waiting to see her hand. “You would be,” he threatens before leaving.

 

Juliana grips hard the cards in her hand. She doesn’t want to be like him. She can see the disappointment in her mother’s eyes, how her eyes dim a little bit every time El Chino doesn’t keep his promises. It must be the same look Juliana used to get when she believed him.

 

Juliana refuse to be the reason someone feels like that. She won’t put someone throught the pain and misery that El Chino put her throught with lies and empty promises.

 

With tears streaming down her face Juliana unfolds the ruined cards. Same suit and consecutive. She won’t be like her dad, she swears she won’t be.

 

That’s the last time they play cards.

 

 

//**//

 

_3\. Juliana is brave._

 

Julliana learns to be brave all by herself. Not from her mom that keeps coming back to her dad, nor from El Chino that flees through the back window every time the  _narcos_ come looking for him, leaving Lupe and her to deal with them.

Brave isn't the absence of fear, it's having the courage to do things in spite of fear. And there are a lot of different ways to be brave. Juliana has learned to be brave in simple little things and in big complicated things too.

Juliana's brave when she refuses to let her past dictate her future. Because she dares to dream for a better life for herself. Because she fights for it, even when no one believes she could make it.

Juliana's brave when she kisses Valentina on a pool, and every time she holds her hand after that. She is brave every day she refuses society's views that try to put her into a box she doesn't belong to. She's poor, so the only way she can succeed in life is through lies and deceives, but Juliana won't become her father. She's a woman, so she must fall in love a man and start a family as soon as possible, but Juliana is in love with Valentina. She is brave because she won't compromise who she is for other people. Not even her mom.

Juliana's not aware of how brave she is until she's force to prove it. Because it requires a special kind of bravery to stand up to someone you love. Not everybody can do it, and up to that point that Lupe enters the kitchen, Juliana didn't know that she was capable of it.

 

She was so lost in Valentina's lips that she didn't heard Lupe. Juliana's first instinct was to beg her mother not to act like Juliana feared she would. Either she couldn't see Juliana's pleading eyes or didn't want to, because the moment Juliana saw the hot fury in Lupe's eyes replaced the surprise and disbelief, her hope crumbled.

 

Juliana remembers Valentina's shaky breath behind her neck and the heavy dread in her stomach. But mostly, she remembers the need to protect Valentina. To shelter her from the violent anger she knows Lupe is capable of. After everything that happened with Eva, the last thing Valentina needed was to heard Lupe explode in cruel, hurtful words.

 

How dare she accused Valentina of taking advantage? How dare she blame her after everything Valentina has done for them? How dare she make Valentina cry? After all the hardships they lived, and everything Lupe putted them through looking for El Chino, this was the first time Juliana came close to hate her mother.

 

Juliana stubbornly holds to the fury cursing through her, afraid to let it go and feel the pain of Lupe's poisonous words. She can feel the venom of Lupe's ire cutting the corners of her mind, wrecking everything Juliana thought dear. She needed to hold herself together, at least until Valentina was safe. But now that she's gone, Juliana feels her control slipping away between her fingers.

 

“Why did you do this to me?” Lupe whimpers and Juliana clenches her jaw, trying to contain the fury and not lash out like Lupe just did with her. “What the hell did I do wrong? Where did I fail?”

 

“This isn’t your fault. It isn’t about you!” Juliana grits out. “It isn’t anyone’s fault! I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with a woman.”

 

“You don’t know what you are saying.”

 

“But I do know, I know what I’m saying.” Juliana knows what she feels, just because she's young doesn't make her feelings less true. “I had never fallen in love with anyone. And it turns out that the first human being I fall in love with happens to be a woman-”

 

“No.”

 

“-whatever! Why can’t you understand that?”

 

“I’m not going to let you ruin your life. We are leaving this house immediately because I don’t want to own anything to that girl, she won’t keep dazzling you with her money-"

 

The realization hits her hard. The burning rage quickly retreats leaving cold heartbreak behind. The fight she so desperately griped abandons her tired mind giving pass to aching emptiness instead. “I’m not an idiot. I’m not blinded by anyone’s money."

 

Lupe won't get it, she would never understand. It's not Valentina or her money, it's because is a woman. Lupe would never accept that, she would never accept Juliana. And here is where Juliana learns how much it would cost her to be brave. That special kind of brave that requires an extraordinary kind of strength to stand up to someone you love.

 

It turns out, it costs too much. That's why there's only a handful of people willing to pay it. Courageous people, with extraordinary strength, because in that moment Juliana feels her soul rip in the middle.

 

Juliana's life may have lacked some things, her childhood may not have been ideal, with the big house and fancy toys, but Juliana never resented Lupe for it. Her mom did what she could and Juliana understood that. Juliana always understood the difficulties that Lupe had to deal with, but now, after all they have gone through, Lupe won't understand her. She won't even try.

 

Everything else, Juliana can forgive. The lost childhood, the unloving father, the broken family. The loneliness, the danger, the broken promises. All of it, Juliana accepted. Because Lupe loves her and she loves her mom.

 

Until now. Until this. Because Juliana won't allow Lupe to take this too.

 

"And I’m going to tell you something. I’m in love with Valentina and that won’t change because you say so."

 

She doesn't care if Lupe believes her. Juliana’s not being sentimental, she's being truthful.  It is a fact. A reality that Lupe can either accept or not, she loves Valentina and nothing would change that.

 

She won't  compromise herself anymore.

 

 

//**//

 

_4\. Juliana is in love._

 

Juliana learned about love at a young age, without really knowing it. Lupe is her first memory of love, because her mom loves her. And her dad is her first heartbreak, because Juliana used to think he loved her too.

But it wasn't until she met Valentina that Juliana learned how powerful love could be. She never knew that love could be so intense and overwhelming. It can be the greatest feeling in the world and the worse one, all at the same time. A beautiful contradiction. So many things simultaneously exploding into a million different things. Growing, always expanding.

Unexpected happiness at the most silly things, like a burst of laughter or a gleam of love in blue eyes. Or unbearable sadness at the absence of those things. Scary too, it can be so scary. Like free-falling, not knowing when the land would be or how it would be. It would be free of pain? A blissful landing in the arms of the love one. Or it would be a explosive crash and burn into reality? So brutal and severe that everything around gets crushed. If so, is it worth it?

 

So much pain and hurt is worth it?

Juliana used to think is wasn't, but since that first time she saw her, Juliana felt a inexplicable pull towards Valentina. A tug in her heart directly link to the pretty girl crying on a bench. She couldn't explain it.

 

Why Valentina's smile fluttered her stomach so much? Butterflies senselessly flying out of control. Nerves and anxiety wrap in a ball of giddiness that makes her want to throw up. But in a good way. A exciting way. New and wonderful.

 

Why did her lovely eyes calm Juliana so easily? All the chaos around cease to exist when Valentina looked at her. All the craziness and confusion of their lives could wait a little longer if they were together.

 

How something as simple as her presence made Juliana so happy? Not words were required, only Valentina.

She couldn't explain it then and she still doesn't understand it now.

Because Juliana doesn't believe in a lot of things. She doesn't believe in transmigrating souls or reincarnation and she has her doubts about religion. Juliana doesn't believe when her mother says El Chino can change because he loves her. Juliana didn't believe in love either.

Until now, until Valentina.

Because Juliana believes in certainties. Like every gentle touch and concern look Valentina gives her. The adoration in blue eyes and the joy in every smile she gifts only to Juliana. She believes in Valentina, and what she feels for her because loving Valentina is like breaking the surface and finally being able to properly breathe. Everything in her life felt so hard. Demanding and exhausting. But Valentina's love is a comfort Juliana never thought was possible.

Juliana believes in Valentina's love because she can touch it and feel it in every moment they are together. Like now that she tries to comfort Valentina, soothe the misery in her blue eyes. She caresses her cheeks, her nose, her jaw. Breaths in her sadness. To hold her close after so long it's intoxicating. Juliana misses the comfort Valentina's lips provide that is not a conscious decision to kiss her.

Loving Valentina it's so easy. So natural that Juliana feels that she was born to do it. Something that fit so perfectly can only mean that's right. Juliana pulls and Valentina follows, freely giving herself. They kiss slowly, trying to enjoy the moment. Relish the delicious opportunity to taste Valentina's lips. Juliana never felt she belong anywhere until Valentina kissed her in a pool.

Juliana doesn't know what would happen to her. She may go tomorrow, never to see Valentina again. Or maybe Valentina would eventually move on and forget her. She can't control anything beyond this instant, pushing Valentina against the counter, pressing their bodies together. The heat of Valentina's body, her taste and the sound she makes when Juliana catches her bottom lip. Valentina gives herself completely to Juliana and Juliana's going to take it.

Juliana's going to take advantage of what they are allowed. Even if the goodbye hurts more for it because she knows the answer now, without a shadow of a doubt.

 

It is worth it.

 

 

//**//

 

_5\. Juliana is special_

 

She doesn't know it but she is. Juliana is a miracle. There's no other way to describe how exceptional she is, how unique and rare it is that despite the life she's had, Juliana has the ability to love. Life tried its hardness and Juliana's still soft and loving. After every obstacle, difficulty and misfortune were it would have been so easy to give up and become resentful and bitter, she remains kind and considerate.

It was not magic. It wasn't a mishap that accidentally occurred by divine intervention. It's all Juliana's doing, because she chose to. Everyday, a conscious decision that Juliana takes. Not to allow the hardships of life sway her nor compromise who she is. And for it, she is stronger than she thinks.

 

Because Juliana's so, so strong. 

It's not easy to endure so much and remain honest, gentle and selfless. It's exhausting and frustrating. A heavy weight to carry but Juliana did it. Still does it. In grant part, is do to her mother's love, because Lupe's love was a solid ground in which Juliana could grow. A unquestionable truth in a grueling life that made it all bearable. Such a heavy burden is not impossible to carry if someone helps you.

It's the one truth Juliana always knew. The one she never doubted. Lupe loves her.

 

Her mom loves her.

_“Why did you do this to me?”_

Lupe lamented, accusing Juliana as if she had purposefully hurt her. As if it was something done to Lupe. A punishment. A penance Lupe has to pay. That's how her mom sees her. It breaks something inside Juliana, the sharp pain of her rejection is unbearable to ignore anymore, and Juliana lets the tears fall freely.

Her mom loves her.

 

_“What the hell did I do wrong? Where did I fail?”_

The words resonate sourly in her mind. Its echo destroys it all. A love she thought unbreakable, shatters in a million sharp pieces that cut her with every breath. Broken pieces fractured beyond repair or recognition. They won't ever fit again and Juliana feels the hopeless reality of it. Lupe asked where she failed and it is here, in this very moment that Juliana needed her the most where she failed. It hurts and bleeds in places Juliana didn't know she had.

Her mom loves her.

 

She's still her daughter, she is the same Juliana. She's still the person Lupe raised her to be. And for it to mean nothing just because Juliana fell in love with a woman. How can that be more important? How can that little thing define everything Juliana is to her own mother? The person that raised her.

Her mom loved her. It's a truth Juliana can't doubt.  


 

She breathes a shaky sob. She would allow herself this moment of weakness to feel the extend of her heartbreak and mourn a relationship ruined. Forever tainted with hateful accusations and angry attacks. Just this one moment she would be sad about it, and after Juliana will swallow the excruciating pain, bury the wasted hopes deep down and move on. 

 

Juliana is not her dad but she won't become her mother either. She is kind and honest. And brave, so very brave. Juliana is in love with Valentina and she's special for it. She's not twisted or evil because she fell in love with a woman. It doesn't matter how loud Lupe screams, or how cruel her words become, Juliana's not wrong. She's not immoral.

_"You can't let them win, kiddo."_

No, Juliana won't let them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Se recebo dor, te devolvo amor_

_E quanto mais dor recebo, mais percebo que sou Indestrutível._

 


	8. Silhouettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fic turned one year old. Can't you believe? :D
> 
> I hope you like this one! And buckle up, it gets tricky from here.

 

 

 

_It's hard letting go, I'm finally at peace but it feels wrong._

_Slow I'm getting up. My hands and feet are weaker than before._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Juliana's not sure how long she's been sitting on this bench, but the tears are mostly stopped. The ache is still there, it all feels tender and fragile, but breathing gets easier. Bereable. Her head feels clear, she can focus more clearly.

First, she needs to decide what to do. What does she want? Soft kisses and a joyful laugh echo in her mind.

A new wave of pain bring tears to her eyes. Juliana learned a long time ago that what you want is no always possible. And Valentina's something she may no longer have. She wants to be with Valentina, it's a beautiful dream to have but Juliana's never been a dreamer.

What does she need? Juliana knows she can no longer live with Lupe, there's too much harm for it. Wherever Lupe decides to remain at Chivi's house or not, Juliana can't stay there anymore. So, she would need a place to stay. Lupe may leave but Juliana wants to stay here, she likes this city.

She would need a job. The lottery tickets won't be enough to rent a room but maybe Perla can help her look for a job. It's one of the only people Juliana knows that could help her. It's not certain, there's a million things that could go wrong and she's all alone now, but Juliana only needs to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Just little steps, one by one.

The argument can be heard from the gate. Lupe's harsh shouts and, surprisingly, Panchito's calm replies. With a heavy heart and nerves curling in her stomach, Juliana enters the living room.

"I'm so sorry you had to find out that way," she interrupts Lupe. "I understand that you can't wrap your head around it. It took me a while too, but I'm not going to change what I feel, especially to please someone." She pauses, the words feel heavy on her tongue. Once she says them, there won't be going back. "I'm going to go to live alone." At Lupe's shocked face, Juliana turns and goes to her bedroom to gather her things.

"So, now you are going to leave? Just like that? As if someone did something wrong to you." Lupe follows closely behind. "The only one that did something wrong here it's you!" Lupe screams.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Juliana shouts, "I only did what I felt and I'm going to keep doing it. Whether you like it or not."

"What the hell did that girl do to make you do this?!"

Hot, urgent rage burst in Juliana. "What the hell are you talking about? Why do you keep saying stupid things like that?" She fumes, tired of Lupe's ridiculous accusations. "She didn't do anything, no one planned this. It just happened."

"Well, you won't leave," Lupe decides, as if she had any say in the matter. As if Juliana still care.

"Are you going to accept me?"

"You are my daughter. Of course I accept you," for a moment, Lupe's eyes lose the hardness and Juliana can see her mom's tender love shine. Juliana wishes it could be like that again. "But I'm not going to accept you doing indecent things."

Juliana exhales a shaky breath. "Well, then. That's why I leave, 'cause you wouldn't understand."

"Yeah? And where would you sleep? On the street?"

"I don't care where as long is not here, with you!"

"No!" Lupe crosses the room and grabs Juliana by the arms. "What you want is to leave to be with that girl!"

Juliana's stunned quiet at the violence in Lupe. She doesn't recognize the person before her. Panchito, whose been hovering in the door enters, he gives Juliana a sympathetic look and takes Lupe away.

Juliana won't cry over this anymore. She locks her jaw tightly to control herself.

She knew the news would upset her but Juliana never thought Lupe would get like this. It breaks her heart to see someone she loved so much, change into this bitter version of her mom with so much violent anger directed at Juliana. So much fury towards her own daughter, someone she proclaims to love more than anything.

A lonely tear falls as Juliana recovers from the shock. She starts packing, hastily throwing her things in a bag. Julians needs to get out of here, there's nothing more worth staying over for.

 

//**//

 

She doesn't particularly like drinking. It's not wise to let her guard down with alcohol, but every once in a while Lucia indulges in one or two glasses of wine. But now, she's hoping to numb the pain with whiskey. It's still not wise to do but she doesn't care anymore.

"Celebrating?"

Lucia's laying on the chair, with her bare feet on the glass window. She's in no condition to have this conversation. It's why she had asked her secretary not to be disturbed but of course Johny wouldn't listen.

"There's no celebration here, Johnny." She remains looking at the view.

"Did something happen?"

"A lot has happened. It's a little delicate." Her voice cracks and she doesn't want to but a tear still falls. "It's about Jacobo."

"What's more delicate than what we already know? Did you find something new? Is the girl his daughter?"

"I found out that besides being marry and having a daughter," her voice shakes but she forces herself to keep going, "before working as our driver, he was a  _sicario_."

"What?"

"They give him money and he kills people, Johny."

"Are we sure?"

"Yes," Lucia turns her head to look at him but doesn't move otherwise. Her body feels heavy. Her answers lethargic. "Juliana, his daughter, told Valentina." She bitterly laughs, "his daughter told Valentina that her father kills people for a living."

"Well, I didn't see that coming." He's concerned about something but Lucia's too drunk to read him. "Do you think someone send him for us?"

"I don't know." It's very possible that's what happened but Lucia doesn't need Johny's panic now.

He comes closer, Lucia looks away. "Are you crying about the driver?!" He bristles.

She downs the rest of the glass, welcoming the burn it brings. It distracts her from the ache in her chest. "Yeah, I am crying about the damn driver. You were right, okay? You were right like you always are!"

"I told you, I told you!" He towers over her, furious eyes and clenched fists. He wants to hurt her, but Lucia's so far gone to care at this point.

"Yeah, you told me. What do you want me to do now?" She looks away, drying the new tears. "You were right, like always. Congratulations."

"I want you to explain to me, what did I not give you?" He fumes, all tight muscles and low threatening words but he doesn't touch her. "Where did I fail you, for you to go and sleep with-" Abruptly he stops, glazing at the rest of the office floor, the curtains are wide open. Lucia rolls her eyes as he changes tactics and kneels at her side. "I always look out for you, so no one could take advantage of you, my love," he says, grabbing her hand.

She swats it away. "I'm the stupid woman that Jacobo fooled. Just like you did."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Both of you are liars." Slowly Lucia stands on wobbly feet and looks down at Johny. She hates him so much at that moment. "For years you promised me a wonderful life, full of money and glamour," she stumbles to the cabinet behind her desk. "And the only thing you did was make me your accomplice of murder!" She swirls and the drink slosh everywhere.

"So now it's my fault?" He snarls, standing up. "The only thing that I always did was try to give you the life you deserved!"

"Yeah, you are right. We have the life we always wanted." She pours another glass. "I'm just not sure this is what I want anymore."

"You are drunk," he dismisses and Lucia may be but it doesn't make it any less true.

Montilla barges in, Lucia's secretary closely behind trying to stop him without success. It doesn't surprise Lucia, another man who refuses to listen.

"Good, you are together. I need to talk to both of you," he announces and Lucia tries very hard to get her emotions under control, but the alcohol swirling in her veins makes it very hard. "I have sensitive information that I wanted to tell you in person."

"That's good. Finally you have news. Tell us, please." Lucia smirks at Johny's response. He's a horrible person, but it amuses Lucia how condescending he can get with Montilla.

"Jacobo Reyes, your driver, is a dangerous criminal." Lucia rolls her eyes and drinks. This man may be the most useless Inspector of the whole world. At the lack of surprise from them, Montilla continues, "you are not surprised. You already knew."

"We just found out." 

"Almost everyone finds things before you do, Montilla." She mumbles. Normally, she would control herself more, but the alcohol loosed her tongue.

"I imagine you found him already, seeing that you are here and not out there, looking for him." Johny interjects before Montilla can say anything. Lucia leaves the glass on the table and goes to her chair by the window.

"My men are looking for him," Montilla directs at her, ignoring the jab. "Lucia, did Jacobo contact you?"

Lucia shakes her head, focus on trying not to fall face first while putting her heels back on.

"No, he didn't," Johnny sides step him, blocking Lucia from him, as she slowly puts the chair behind the desk. "And you don't have to worry for us, we will double the security. Especially Ms Borges' security. But I do wonder, on the list of suspects of Leon Carvajal's murder, in what place is Jacobo Reyes?"

Lucia frowns at Johny.

"Look, I do the investigating here. Now I need to talk with Lucia but don't go far, I need to interrogate you too."

Johny's about to protest but she shakes her head. "Of course, it's always a pleasure to help you, Inspector. I will be close." He mocks Montilla with a smile before leaving.

Montilla waits for her before siting down. "Did you know Jacobo before he came to work here?"

"No, I didn't. Camilo Guerra recommended him."

"Did you know that Jacobo Reyes is not his real name?"

"What?"

"Jacobo Reyes doesn't exist. That's why it was so difficult to find information about him. The real name of your driver is Macario Valdés."

She doesn't understand why it surprises her, he lied with everything else, of course his name would be another lie. Tears prickle at her eyes and her throat burns with the pain and hurt Jacobo cause. 

"Lucia?" But Lucia doesn't say anything for fear of crying, the last thing she wants is to break apart in front of this man. "Ms Borges?"

She stands abruptly and the nausea hits her so hard that for a second Lucia's sure she's going to trow up on Montilla. "I have nothing more to tell you, Inspector." Her legs waver, and Lucia holds to the desk but she's grateful her voice barely shakes.

"Are you sure?" He slowly stands, carefully watching her. Lucia knows he can see it, he may have his doubts about her relationship with Jacobo before, but it's all over her face now.

"There isn't."

Lucia waits until he closes the door and pours another glass. She drags the chair to the window and sits, looking away to hide the tears falling.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Camilo's surprise to see her in his living room. It shouldn't though, with more than half of the Carvajals kids living here it was bound to happen, the missing sibling would eventually show up. He just assumed she would take longer.

"Hello, Eva," he smiles warmly. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Camilo, hi. I don't want to intrude, I was hoping to see my sister." Her tone's firm but her eyes show how scared she really is.

"I don't think she's here right now."

Eva's jaw twitches in anger but there's relief in the way her shoulders drop some of the tension. Camilo sits and patiently waits. He knows her tells, he knows how to treat her, one has to wait it out with Eva. She may act tough but Camilo remembers the loving little girl she used to be.

She frets a long time before sitting down. Eventually and through gritting teeth, she asks, "how is she doing?"

"She's getting better. The first couple of days were rough but she settling into a routine now, which is good."

Eva press her lips in a tight line, upset at the answer. "This has gone long enough, she's been doing foolish things. Valentina's been depress for a long time now and I think you should medicate her."

Camilo gives her a humorless smile, no wonder they fought. "What she needs is family support."

"She has our support."

"Does she? Supporting someone means comfort and love and care-"

"I love my sister, I care for her. More than anyone," her hard eyes are a clear warning, Eva won't allow anyone to doubt her in this but Camilo isn't questioning Eva's love for Valentina.

"I know that. But support also means being there even when you don't agree with their decisions."

 

Eva rolls her eyes, "this again- Loving someone also means to protect them from making a mistake."

"At what cost, Eva? She's all alone-"

"She's always surrounded by people." She bristles, exasperated. "The house's full of people!"

"Yes, the house is full of people. But who listen to her? No one." He thinks for a moment. "It's just like with your father, he was always so worried about what you may need but he never asked. He never listened."

"Camilo." Eva stares wide-eyed, shocked at Camilo badmouthing his best friend. But it needs to be said, it's long overdue.

"I loved your father Eva, but he made so many mistakes. Specially with you." Camilo see so much of Leon in her, and not in a good way. She didn't used to be like this. He would never forget how soft and warm she was. Camilo hates his friend a little bit for turning her into this cold, hard version. "Don't make the same mistakes he did, Evangelina." Her eyes fill with tears and she looks away trying to dry them.

Their mother's death was hard on everyone but it was especially cruel on Eva. She took care of them, but no one took care of her. There was no one to comfort her or defend her. Eva had no one to hold her. Leon failed his daughter but Camilo failed his goddaughter too. It's Camilo's fault as much as Leon's.

He didn't do enough, he forgot her too. But it's not too late, he can change it. "How are you?"

She's startled at the question. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Yeah? You know, my house is always open for you too."

"I don't think Valentina would like that," she mumbles, timid and afraid. In those little moments she allows herself, he can see the carefree little girl she used to be. The one that wasn't afraid to be vulnerable or caring, the one that wasn't scared of asking for help.

"I think Valentina would like to have her sister back."

Eva looks away, choke up with emotion, "you think so?"

"I know so." Camilo firmly believes they can still fix this. Eva can still fix her relationships with her siblings. "Remember to listen to Valentina, really try to hear what she's saying. Do you understand?"

Eva gives him a shaky nod and Camilo hopes that she does before it's too late for her too. She goes without saying anything else but Camilo doesn't mind her cold shoulder, he knows it's all an act. He understand her like her father never did because Leon never bother to tried.

A call from an unknown number brings him out of his thoughts.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Panchito manages to calm her down enough that she's ready to talk to Juliana again. Lupe needs to convince her to stay, to talk some sense into her. But Juliana gets out of the bedroom with bags and Lupe freezes. Her heart breaks and tears fill her eyes. Lupe knows her daughter better than anyone, and the determination set firmly in Juliana's face can only mean one thing, she won't back down.

"Don't leave," Lupe begs. "Understand me,  _mija_. We always got each other. We told each other everything. This is a lot for me." It's not fair, Juliana can't leave her. She has to understand. "I never left you, tell me what I did wrong."

"Mom, what I feel has nothing to do with how you raised me. It's not fair that now you feel guilty for something that has nothing to do with you."

But it has to do with her. Everything concerning Juliana has to do with her, she's her mom. "Stay. If you leave you are going to worry me. And worse, if you go to Valentina's house."

At Valentina's name Juliana's eyes flicker with sadness. "That's not going to happen," she murmurs and it's the first time Lupe's sees something other than clear resolution in brown eyes. "Valentina and I are not together anymore. Because people judge what we feel. Like you."

Lupe's never seeing her so heartbroken before. She wishes she could fix it, to make it better so her baby stops hurting. But Juliana won't let her, she's pulling away from her and Lupe doesn't know how to stop it.

Juliana leaves and Lupe has never felt so lost before.

 

 

//**//

 

 

"So, what do you know?" El Chino asks and at Leon's confused expression, he clarifies. "About our situation."

"Not much. I have a friend, a doctor, he's been investigating."

They are in Barbara's tiny kitchen. Leon still doesn't trust them but at least they took the handcuffs away and gave him a phone. El Chino refuses to give him back his phone, saying it's not safe. He calls Camilo to come pick him up. It's the only number he memorized for exactly this very reason.

"Doctors don't understand, I tried everything! Neurologist, priest,  _chaman_. Witches," he points to Barbara. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Barbara scoffs.

"Well, almost nothing."

"What about the ritual the  _chaman_ did? You only remember what's convenient for you."

"I don't want to remember that!" El Chino barks and Leon looks warily at him. He's still trying to get used to the contrast between El Chino's violent nature and Beltran's frail appearance.

"So, you don't have any answers either."

"There's something I do know. Something she made very clear, " El Chino's tone becomes somber, serious. He's more terrifying this way. "She's coming for me, soon."

"She? What do you mean- Wait,  _you_ you or  _me_ you?"

"I don't know."

"Do you have a mark?" Barbara asks but El Chino doesn't wait for Leon to answer and checks for himself. 

Leon swats his hands. "Yeah, we all have them." 

"Did you find a lot of transmigrated?"

"I think death is behind all of this, your encounter wasn't by chance," Barbara interrupts. "She must have chose you two for a reason."

"Death?" Leon asks, skeptical.

"Yeah, Barbara speaks with her."

She has that crazy look that Leon learned to fear. "At this point, we have to believe, am I right?" 

"How do you know she's The Death?"

"She made me know."

"And how do you call her? Do you text her?" Leon's being petty but he still hasn't forgive her for drugging him.

"No, she comes to me when she wants to."

"Yeah? And what does she say?"

"Weird things, things that I don't fully understand yet-"

"And that's what scares me, The Death is behind all of this. She made all of this happen," El Chino's expression makes Leon stop. He's scared. It unsettles Leon. Something capable of scaring someone like him, that kills people for a living, must be very dangerous.

"Do you seriously believe this? A witch that talks to the death?"

"We died and woke up in someone else's body, how can you not?" He has a point, but still. A witch? This one? Leon looks doubtful at Barbara but she just smiles at him. "Does your doctor friend know why did this happen to us? Does he know how to fix it? Or why the marks bleed?" At Leon's silence El Chino leans back on the chair. "You don't have answers either, so."

Leon doesn't want to admit it but El Chino's right. They are not better. They went about it in different ways but they are all on the same place, without answers.

"Beltran, you are right," Barbara mumbles, close to Beltran but with her eyes fix on Leon. "He has beautiful eyes. Tempting."

Leon rolls his eyes, Camilo can not get here fast enough. When he finally arrives and explains to Leon that he had to escape his house because the narcos went looking for El Chino there, Leon realize how dangerous everything has become.

"Where's Valentina? And Guille?"

"They are not at the house right now, but I will call them to let them know," Camilo says, phone in hand.

"They can't stay there anymore. It's not safe. I don't care if Valentina's still fighting with Eva, she needs to go back to the house," Leon snaps. "You can't stay there either. I'm so sorry Camilo, I didn't expect this to happen."

"I know, it's not your fault. We will figure it out, don't worry. But- uh." He hesitates, eyes darting to the people behind Leon. "There's something we need to talk about." At Leon anxious look, Camilo gets closer before whispering, "regarding Valentina and- her friend."

Leon's eyes open wide, he grabs Camilo's arm in warning and pulls them further away. "Are they okay?"

"Yes, it's not- I may have kinda told them that you are a transmigrated."

"What?!"

"Shh! Calm down, they don't know who you really are but they know you aren't El Chino."

"You didn't tell Valentina then?"

"No, no. It's not my place." Leon leaves a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "But we would need to address that can of worms at some point." Camilo gaze fixes on El Chino and Leon rolls his eyes because that's a given.

How come everything got so fuck up so quickly? He knew Juliana wouldn't lie to Valentina but he didn't think Camilo would tell them the truth. Suddenly, Camilo's phone starts ringing and he looks dreadfully at Leon. Looking at the phone, Leon grabs it before Camilo can stop him, and goes to the other room to answer the call.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Eva barges into the office and Lucia's seriously contemplating about firing her secretary. She shouldn't have stayed here, specially after Montilla's visit.

"This is not a good time. I'm not in the mood, Eva."

"I need to know if you already knew that Jacobo is a  _sicario_."

Lucia tiredly sighs. Of course, Eva would want explanations. Well, Lucia would want some too. "Yeah, I heard. I don't feel good about it either."

"This is all your fault!" Eva yells, "you brought Jacobo and put my family in danger!"

Lucia frowns, "it's my family too."

"No, it's not. You won't ever belong." It cuts her deeper than it should. If Lucia weren't feeling so vulnerable already, she would be able to brush it off. But her walls are down and the words hit right in the middle of her chest. They sit there, uncomfortably painful. "I know you came to this company looking for money. I had hope that by now, you would have had enough to leave, once and for all."

Eva's lashing out on her, god knows why now. But she's not wrong. Not entirely, and maybe that's why it hurt so much to hear it. It doesn't matter that Lucia ended up truly loving Leon, Eva will never see her as nothing more than a gold digger. It's all she would ever be. So why should Lucia keep pretending? She's been torn apart today but they keep asking things from her. Guille and Johny and Montilla and Eva. She doesn't have anything more to give and has Eva so kindly put it, she doesn't own them anything.

They are not hers to take care.

"Well, no. It's not enough yet," her voice comes off raw and shaky, certainly Eva's going to pick up how affected Lucia is, but Lucia doesn't care anymore.

"Because of you, my dad died." Lucia can see how much it hurts Eva, how much she hates her for it. It pains Lucia too. "And now, you took my sister too. What more do you want? When would it be enough?!"

Eva's not wrong with Leon but Lucia had nothing to do with Valentina, that's Eva's doing. Eva still doesn't get it and she may never will.

"What? You are not going to say anything?" Eva stumbles, a little lost at Lucia lack of response.

"No," Lucia lowly answers, barely passing the word through the lump in her throat.

"Because you know I'm right." But Lucia still won't react. Eva turns to leave but stop at the door. "You should do the right thing and leave us."

The door loudly closes when she finally leaves. Alone, again. Just as she wanted. In the end it's always going to come to that, but Lucia knew that already. She's only got herself.

_"You won't ever belong."_

It logged firmly in her chest and it makes it difficult to breathe. They don't consider her part of the family and it's not a surprise, Lucia knew that. But it still shocked her to hear it, so honest and brutal, spitted out so bluntly in her face.

_"You won't ever belong."_

Why does it hurt so much? Eventually she was going to leave. Take the money and leave everything behind. So why does this, of all the things Eva said, is the one that hurt the most.

It's the first time, in all the time she has known her, that Lucia truly hates Eva. She hates Eva for what she did to Valentina, and for always meddling in everything. But mostly Lucia hates her because she's right. She's right and Lucia's been so stupid for believing otherwise.

She hates Guille for dumping all of this on her and expect her to fix it. 

She hates Johny for putting her here in the first place, and for going off the rails and fucking everything beyond repair.

She hates Leon for making her care.

She specially hates Jacobo for making Lucia fall in love with him.

And Camilo! She fucking hates Camilo. This is all his stupid fault. He brought Jacobo in to their lives, he's the one that should answer for him. She fumbles with her phone and calls him to let him know how shitty his recommendations are.

_"Lucia."_   The voice that answers startles her. She checks the contact on the screen, maybe she's more drunk than she thought. But she dialed the right number.  _"Hello, Lucia?"_

"Jacobo?"

_"Yes."_

"Now you answer?!" She yells.

 

_"Please Lucia."_

 

"Honestly, I didn't expect a fugitive to answer their phone when they are on the run."

_"Lu- Lucia, I know this it's all weird but please, I can give you an explanation."_

"Lie to me, you mean. Because that's the only thing you know how to do!"

_"Lucia, you know that things are not always what they seem to."_

"I really doubt this is the case. All the evidence confirms the vile way you lied to me."

_"Lucia-"_

"How could you betray me that way?" She blurts out. She's too emotional to have this conversation now, too vulnerable but she doesn't care anymore. "I trusted you and the only thing you did was make me fall in love with you, and for what?! To destroy my life?"

_"I didn't- that wasn't a lie! What we have-"_

"Why didn't you tell me you were married, that you have a daughter! They are probably your accomplices to get to the Carvajal family, right?

_"Lucia, please, listen to me. Things are not like that. I- I love you Lucia."_

"Shut up!" Lucia shouts. She can't bare to hear him say those words, her hearts still flutter when his voice says them. It's so unfair. It hurts so much. "Just- Shup up. Don't use that word, you don't know what love is. You have no idea what it is to love someone." It may not have been real for Jacobo, but it was real for her. "But I do know. I know what love is, I found out with you. And you betrayed me like this."

 

He angrily breathes out and his tone changes. _"How dare you to give me speeches about love? After everything that you did!"_

"What I did? You are the one who lied about everything! Even your name is a lie."

_"Yeah? What about you with Johny Corona? How you fuck over Leon Carvajal?!"_

What the fuck that has to do with anything? "You can't seriously compare one infidelity with what you did. With what you do. You are a  _sicario!_ " It infuriates her that he's trying to turn this on her. Stupid asshole. "And you know what? I'm going to participate in everything that I can with the police, so they find you and make you pay for everything that you did!"

 

She doesn't wait for an answer and hangs up. Fuck him. What does it matter if she cheated on Leon with Johny? Why does he care? She never pretend to be something she's not with Jacobo and he never judge her for it before. That's what she liked about him. He knew about Johny and he never seemed bother for it. Until now. Until he's in the wrong and suddenly, Lucia's wrongdoings matter.

How dare he to judge an infidelity? He kills people for a living but he's going to judge her indiscretion? Fuck him.

Lucia grabs the portrait that sits on the desk. So poised and collected. Elegant. Dignified. What a fucking lie! She holds so tightly that it hurts her hand but she doesn't care. The picture mocks her. Of what she pretended to be, what she so very much wanted to be and, for a moment, what she so foolishly thought she was.

Lucia throws the damn picture of her against the wall, the shattered glass flies everywhere. Her secretary, frightened by the noise, tries to enter but a quick glace at Lucia tells her that's not a good idea. Lucia needs to get out of here.  She looks for her bag and start shoving her belongings. Johny's right, they should leave now before it all blows up in their faces. She's got the money, so what's stopping her? Jacobo end up being a lie and the Carvajal are nothing to her. They are not her family. They don't need her and she doesn't need them.

She doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't.

 

The sharp ring of her phone halts her. The tears streaming down blur the screen but when Lucia picks out the silly face on the screen everything stops. A broken sob escapes her.

Hastily she dry her tears, swallows her pain and try to control her emotions. After a deep breath, she picks up the call.

 

 

//**//

 

 

All of her life, Valentina had trusted her feelings. She's not hard like Eva or guarded like Guille.  And it's not like she feels differently, it's just that her emotions are so loud that she can't ignore them like Eva or shield herself like Guillermo. Valentina gives herself completely to them, without restraint or qualms. Good or bad, she feels deeply. Sometimes it's unbearably brutal and painful, but it can also be the most beautiful thing life has to offer.

Valentina has never doubted her feelings, and she doesn't doubt them now. She doesn't. It's just- when people you love, that you care about, spit so much hate and shout so loud about the wrongness of those feelings, it's hard to remember the beauty, the magic they hold.

 

She blows a shaky breath, trying to control her breathing. The tears finally stopped but everything still feels raw and tender. Lupe's yelling brought back Eva's painful words, and the wounds she had thought healed, opened again.

Would it always be like this? Valentina knew it wouldn't be easy but the reality's so much harder. Crueler. Painful. Valentina never thought the hateful words and judgments would come from the people that are suppose to love you not matter what.

Why it bothers them so much? How come someone that raised you, that has know you your whole life, can suddenly stop loving you? Just like that, gone. All the hours spend healing a scraped knee or taking care of a cold. All the silly stories they had to make up to make reality softer. All the tears they dried, all the hugs and kisses they gave. The love, the care, the warm. All gone in an instant, vanished because this one little thing now defines everything that Juliana and Valentina are.

It didn't matter if she was a good, kind, caring person that loves Juliana. It didn't matter everything that Valentina had done to help them. Suddenly, she is a horrible person that's taking advantage of her daughter. Lupe would never see her like anything more than that, just like Eva would never see Juliana as nothing more than someone taking advantage of Valentina.

There's a hollowness in Valentina's chest, an Eva like shape gap, harshly carved out without warning or care. Lately, it's so small that Valentina can pretend it's not there anymore. But every now and then, something comes along and it gets overwhelmingly vast, impossible to ignore. And Valentina needs a moment to calm down and learn how to breath again. 

She just needed to get away and put herself back together. Just for a second, just one minute to make the Eva shape gap in her chest tiny again. One minute to quiet down Eva's painful words that blended with Lupe's angry yells. Valentina didn't mean to panic. She didn't mean to leave Juliana. But she did, she abandoned Juliana when Juliana needed her the most.

A new wave of tears burns her eyes. She just walked away from Juliana, again. Juliana needed her and Valentina left. She fumbles for her phone. Would Juliana want to talk to her? Valentina hesitates for a moment and calls but Juliana doesn't answer. A painful knot settles in her throat. Valentina just wants to know if she's okay, if she needs anything, if she's hurt. She wants to apologize.

Maybe she should go back. Valentina bites her lip. What if Juliana's hurt? Lupe doesn't seem like the violent type, but she didn't seem like the homophobic type either. She stands, ready to leave but, what if Juliana doesn't want to see her? Maybe Lupe convinced her and now Juliana doesn't want anything to do with her. Valentina won't be able to deal with Juliana's rejection.

_**  
** _

**_Me [16:03]:_ _Are you okay?_ **

She waits and waits, but Juliana doesn't answer, not matter how hard Valentina looks at the unread message. Her last connection was this morning. Valentina starts passing. She doesn't know what to do. Anxiety curls on her stomach, what is she going to do now?

Fury flashes and she hates Eva in that second. It's not fair because Eva left her and took away the one person Valentina could always count on to fix things. Guille won't do it, he wants Juliana as far away from Valentina as possible. She's helpless, all alone. Her vision blurs with tears as the panic starts to set in. She has no one. They all abandoned her.

Her mother, her father. Guillermo. Eva. And- _Lucia._

Granted, she didn't want Valentina to see Juliana either but Valentina's desperate. Lucia would help, she has to. Valentina touches the screen and waits for the call to fall through.

_"Valentina?"_  Lucia's voice comes wet and shaky.

"Lucia! I need- I don't know what to do, I left her all alone and I don't know if she's okay. I called her but she doesn't answer and I- I don't know what to do!"

_"Val! Calm down, what happened? Are you okay?"_

"Yes, I'm- I'm worried for Juliana, I don't know what to do. I think I should go back."

_"No, Val, wait. What happened? Go back where?"_

"To her house, I- I shouldn't have left her there but I was so scared, Lucia." Valentina sobs, she didn't mean to leave her.

_"Where are you?"_

"In the park."

_"Okay, I'm coming. Stay there."_

"But Lucia-"

_"Please Valentina, stay there. Wait for me."_

"O-okay."

_"Promise Val, promise me you will wait."_

"I promise."

_"Okay, I'm on my way. Just stay there."_

Valentina sits, trying to calm her breathing again. Lucia's coming, she would fix it. She just needs to wait until she gets there. Valentina looks at her phone but the message still mark unread. A tear rolls down her face. Just a little bit longer, until Lucia gets here, she will fix it.

 

 

//**//

 

The death tone of the call rings loudly long after she hangs up. Leon knew she would be angry but he didn't think it would be this bad. He didn't think she could hate him so much. And it hurts. After all they went through, it still hurts. Because he loves her, he's still in love with her. He believed the lies and fell for the tricks again. Leon had been so ready to forgive everything she had done to him and now she dares to accuse him of deceiving her?

He's so stupid! She killed him and he was willing to forgive her, just like that. Johny deserved to laugh at his stupidity. No wonder it had been so easy to fool him. Leon grips the phone until the screen cracks and the glass cuts him.

No more. He would focus now. Leon will make them pay. Pain shots in his neck but he ignores it and goes to where the others are. He apologize to Camilo about his phone but Camilo seems more concern with him.

"Have you figure out?" El Chino interferes before Camilo can ask him anything.

"Figure out what?"

"Did you cure someone?"

Camilo looks at Leon, confused. "I don't understand."

"Yeah, I need you to cure me. I need to go back to my body." El Chino explains.

"That's impossible! I don't know how to do that."

"See, I told you doctors couldn't do anything." He scoffs at Leon.

"At least you know where your body is, I don't know anything about mine!"

"If you want a body you can use this one, it's not very good but at least-"

"You are so funny!" Leon mocks.

"I still think dead is behind all of this."

"Death?" Camilo asks.

"Yeah, she thinks she speaks with the death."

"What?"

"She appears from time to time. I don't like it but I think she's using me to communicate."

"So, you speak with the dead?" Camilo sounds as skeptical as Leon feels. Barbara puffs out, annoyed at their disbelief. 

"Look, as fun as this has been. Camilo and I need to get out of here."

"Yeah! You all better leave before the  _narcos_ come here." Barbara shouts.

"Everybody quiet!" El Chino shouts. "You need to stay here, it's the safest place you can be right now," he points at Leon. "And you," he directs at Barbara, who's ready to argue. "You need to call the death so she can talk with the doctor and he can help me get back to my body."

El Chino forces her to sit on the big chair but Barbara's reluctant. "No, Beltran. I don't think this is a good idea." 

"Listen, I told you. I can't-" 

A bell rings and all the bickering and arguing suddenly stops. Everyone's quiet, afraid to disrupt the dense atmosphere that overcame. There's something cold and charged in the room.

"Yes, yes. Of course," Barbara whispers, looking ahead. Leon's not sure how long it passes, with Barbara's mumbling answers but as suddenly as started, it ends. Camilo lets out an agonizing gasp and collapse on the floor. Leon's besides him in an instant. Camilo's sickeningly white, shaking a cold sweat.

"Is that-?" Camilo stares at Barbara, a new found respect in his eyes.

"Did you see her?"

"A strange woman, with an odd look in her eyes."

"Yes."

"Okay, what is going on?" Leon's confuse about what just happen.

"She has short hair and- and a white strike-" Camilo continues, engrossed with Barbara.

"Right here, yeah." Barbara points to her hair.

"I think a saw the death," Camilo gapes at Leon.

"Okay, now I believe."

"Now you believe?!" Barbara scolds and Leon shrugs, apologetic.

"What did she want?" El Chino asks her. He's being awfully quiet.

"Nothing really, she didn't appear for me."

"For who then?"

Barbara eyes at Camilo and El Chino fist bumps the air, excited but Camilo, who still shaking, frowns displeased.

"But why? What does she want?"

"That's the million dollar question."

"What's the point of all of this?!" Leon whines.

El Chino's phone rings and he goes to the other room to take the call. Leon helps Camilo sit on one of the chairs.

"What do we do now?"

"I think we would have to work together." Leon reluctantly admits, he can see Barbara's not happy about it either but what other choice do they have? Neither of them are closer to the truth. "Are you sure you are okay?" Leon's worry at Camilo's pale face. "Barbara, can you bring him a glass of water?"

"Right, of course. Something more I can bring you?" But she doesn't wait for a answer, just goes angry mumbling to the kitchen. "I'm a goddamn waitress now."

"Are you sure it's a good idea to work with these people?"

"What other choice do we have? Apparently Barbara's right and death's behind all of this." Leon grows quiet, his mind elsewhere. "All the work and effort that we put on Jacobo Reyes, for it all end up here. I'm hiding like El Chino Valdes."

"Don't think about it now."

"What are my children going to think Camilo?"

"Are you sure that's what you are worried about?"

Leon's protest dies in his mouth when Barbara and El Chino return.

"Yeah, okay. I'm on my way." El Chino hangs up. "I have to go, family emergency."

That spikes Leon's curiosity. "What kind of emergency?"

"Something with my daughter," El Chino doesn't sound worried, he seems more annoyed than anything. Then again, this is the same man that left his daughter and wife to deal with narcos.

"What- is she okay?" El Chino doesn't pick up on the concerned tone of Leon's question but Barbara's keen eyes turn to him.

"Yeah, some sort of argument. Women, am I right?"

Barbara rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything.

"But, is she okay?" Leon just needs to make sure, El Chino's not trustworthy with this sort of thing.

"Yes, I told you. I'd come tomorrow morning."

"We are leaving too." Leon informs him.

"No, no. Your friend can leave but you stay right here."

"I'm not staying here!"

"Great, if you want to leave, leave! I'm perfectly fine with you gone." Barbara chimes in. "I don't want more trouble in my house."

El Chino rolls his eyes and approaches her. "Take this, to take care of our guest. It's only for a couple of days." She grabs it but still glares at Leon. El Chino turns to him. "And you, don't even think of going out because you are a dead man."

"I don't want to stay here."

"Hey! El Alacran has been looking for me for a long time and now he found me. The bullets go to you, remember?" Leon knows El Chino is right, but he still stubbornly resists. "Think! We agreed, this is the best place for you to stay. You would put anyone who comes close to you in danger. El Alacran won't stop for anyone, look what they did to your friend."

Leon glace at Camilo's uneasy expression and the thought of seeing it on his children sobers him up. "Okay."

"What? The doctor is going to stay too?" Barbara protests.

"No, no. I'm not going to stay, I'm leaving." Camilo stands quickly, might El Chino force him to stay too.

Leon helps Camilo, who is still a little shaky, but he can still feel Barbara's eyes on him. He ignores her.

 

 

//**//

 

 

She didn't even wait for a driver, just grabbed the car herself and drove. Surely she got a couple of tickets along the way, but Lucia needed to get to the park as quickly as possible. The distress on Valentina's voice, the urgency with which she called her, sent a chilling fear through Lucia.

Valentina wasn't making any sense and Lucia's terrified that something happened with Jacobo. Did Juliana and him set Valentina up? Did he find her? Did he hurt her? It doesn't sound possible, he's always been so careful and gentle with Valentina. Then again, he didn't seem like a sicario either, so.

Lucia finds her sitting on the same hammocks, hunched and small. Fragile. Lucia almost falls trying to get to her. Valentina looks up and Lucia sees hopeless filling blue eyes. She's not crying at the moment but the dry tracks on her cheeks says she had.

"What is it? What happened?"

Valentina throws herself at Lucia's arms. "Lucia! I'm so scared."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" But Valentina just keeps mumbling without making any sense. "Valetina! Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm not harm."

Lucia holds her at arms lengths and looks for any sign of harm. She exhales a shaky breath when finds none. "Okay, you are fine." She says it for her benefit more than Valentina's. She caress Valentina's cheek. "Tell me what happened."

"I just- It was so awful and scary- I left! I left her there, Lucia, how could I do that?" She rambles, frenetic.

"Val, please. Calm down. Come sit and tell me."

But Valentina doesn't want to sit, there's a urgency in her. A restless energy that Lucia needs to slow down. "No, we need to do something. Please Lucia, we need to do something."

"And we will, I promise. But first, come here," Lucia hugs Valentina tightly. Very calmly, Lucia whispers, "you need to calm down, okay? We would figure out the rest, I promise. Just breathe, Val."

Valentina hugs her back and it's like she lets a heavy burden go. She hugs Lucia tightly and soon the tears begin to fall. Lucia doesn't realize she's crying too until a sob chokes her up. Lucia holds firmly to Valentina and allows herself the comfort she's been craving all day.

After both of them cried all the stress away and calm themselves enough, Valentina agrees to sitting on a bench.

"I talked to Juliana this morning. She explained herself-" Valentina looks away, ashamed at breaking her promise but Lucia's not worried about that, she knew it would happen. "It's not her fault Lucia, she didn't know Jacobo was working at the house. She didn't know."

Lucia has questions about it but now it's not the time to push Valentina. "It's okay Val, if you say she didn't have to do with it then I trust you."

Relief fills Valentina's blue eyes. When they gleam with new hopeful tears, Lucia knows she said the right thing. Even if she has doubts about Juliana, she does trust Valentina. Clearly going against it doesn't work.

"She didn't."

"Then what happened?"

Valentin bites her lips and looks down. "We were at her house, and we were just talking and- then her mother found us and she got so angry."

"She got angry because she found you talking?"

"No, she-" Valentina blushes a deep red, stealing quick glaces at Lucia. She hesitates for a moment more, and quietly whispers, "we were kissing."

Lucia frowns. Kissing?

_Oh._

Suddenly everything makes sense. Valentina's fond eyes, her fierce protectiveness and her unshakable trust to this girl.

_Eva._

How come Lucia didn't see it before?

Valentina gets anxious at Lucia silence. "Is- is that okay?"

"Oh, Val. Of course it is. Why wouldn't be?"

"It's just- I don't know." She doesn't want to say it is because of Eva, but it's writing all over her face. Lucia had never wanted to punch Eva so much before.

"There's nothing wrong with it, Valentina. There is nothing wrong with you." A tear falls and Lucia dries it, caressing Valentina's cheek. "I'm glad you told me."

Valentina laughs, wet and light. Free. "Me too."

"So, Juliana's mom saw you?"

"Yeah, she didn't take it well."

"What happened?"

 

"She got so angry. She started screaming and making accusations."

A burst of anger and protectiveness wash over Lucia. "Valentina, did she hurt you?"

"No- she- she just got upset with me. She said that I took advantage of Juliana but I didn't, it's not like that!"

"I know you didn't Val, I know it's not like that." 

"It's just- I was so scared. It remind me- I just panicked and left. I- I left Juliana all alone." She sobs.

"Val, it's not your fault. You probably did the right thing. This is something that Juliana needs to work out with her mom."

"But I left her, I just left without even saying a word to her. I tried calling her but she doesn't answer."

"I think you should give her some time. She would call you when she's ready."

"Do you think she's angry with me?"

"No Val, I don't think she's angry with you. I think she just needs time."

"But what if something's wrong? What if she needs me?"

"There's nothing we can do except wait, Val."

"But I don't like it."

Lucia laughs, "I know you don't but you'll have to trust her."

Lucia's not used to caring for people, to take care of them. All her life she only had to care for herself because no one else would. But Valentina's different. She's so genuine and kind, Lucia has never met someone to be so honest with their feelings.

And she loves Lucia, god knows why, but she does. After everything that happened with Leon, the least Lucia can do is try to be worthy of it. Eva's right, Lucia's not part of the family but Valentina needs her. She wants her here and that's enough for now.

 

 

//**//

 

 

Beltran really did it to her. Again. He keeps promising money but she's not seeing enough of it to keep playing babysitter. This Jacobo dude is a slight improvement from the damn kid, but still, Barbara likes her privacy. She likes the quiet and peace of her own house and she doesn't want people messing with it. Specially those that bring narcos with them.

She puts a plate in front of Jacobo. He scowls at it but doesn't say anything. Barbara rolls her eyes, she definitely needs a raise.

"I can see you in your other life. So fancy, and posh." There's something about him that screams high society. "You must be used to eating in expensive places. But here, you are screwed. It's the only thing there is," Barbara points to the soggy pre-cooked meal because she would be damn if she has to cook for him too. "At least I let you sleep here."

He purses his lips at the food, weary to it. Probably remembering the last time she fed him. 

"The magic of microwave," she grins. "What? You don't like it? I'm a witch, not a cook."

"No, I'm really grateful. Thank you." He's being very polite, Barbara doesn't trust it.

"Oh! Thank you!" She mocks. "Finally someone thanks me."

He smiles and grabs the fork but doesn't touch the food. "Would it be possible for me to ask you a favor?" There it is.

"Well, pretty boy. We don't know each other that much, but whatever you want," she comes closer to him, mostly to annoy him. "Tell me," she whispers, a wicked smile on her face.

"I need to solve a little problem that I have."

"What little problem?"

"Dig a tomb."

All the mirth and good humor drains from her face. "A tomb? Whose tomb?"

"Mine."

What is it with this people and death? And why do they keep draging her to it?

 

 

//**//

 

 

Camilo calls when they are about to go back. Lucia furiously yells at him for twenty minutes before hanging in up, Valentina remains silent on the passenger seat. Apparently there was an incident with _narcos_ looking for Jacobo/El Chino at Camilo's house, so Valentina's going back to the house now. Camilo will bring Valentina's things to the house and Valentina's too tired to argue at this point.

Lucia's outburst has more to do with the whole Jacobo debacle than anything else but Valentina doesn't want to get into that right now. She calls Guille, and after he calms down enough he tells her that he won't be coming back with her. He will go to Renata's again. Valentina wishes things could go back as before, where he was only a hallway away and they could talk over midnight snacks, but she understands that he has his own issues with Eva. And if she's being honest, she would prefer living somewhere else too but it's not like she has any other choice.

Valentina longs for the time they used to be a family.

She's weary of seeing Eva again. She's not ready to confront her but the house is big enough, they don't even have to cross paths. Yeah, avoidance feels like a solid plan.

They get to the house and collapse on the living room, waiting for Chivi's dinner to be ready. She had been so excited to having Valentina's back that she wouldn't ear any word to not having a big meal. Lucia's lost in thought and Valentina's obsessively checking her phone but still the same.

"We still need to talk," Lucia murmurs, eyes closed and head resting back. She pinches between her eyes, probably fighting a headache. "About Jacobo and Juliana."

"Yes, I know."

The front door opens and Eva appears a few minutes later. She stumbles at seeing Valentina spread out in the big couch. "Val? What- Are you back?"

Lucia exhales tiredly but doesn't say anything. Valentina's voice barely wobbles, "this is my house too."

"Yes, of course." Eva comes closer, hesitates when she sees Lucia and after a moment, she whispers to Valentina, "I tried calling you."

Valentina was prepare for a fight, more arguing and yelling. She had armed herself with indifference and some mean words. She's not ready for a remorseful Eva. Maybe Eva's sorry and she truly regrets everything that happened between them. Or maybe she's going to keep bashing Juliana, hurting Valentina in the process. Either way, Valentina's not ready to hear it. Not today, after the day she's had and maybe not ever.

She abruptly stands up, "I'm going to bed. I'm not hungry."

Lucia nods in understanding but Eva pushes. Eva always push, "Val-"

But Valentina ignores it and quickly climbs the stairs to her room. Eva had call her a lot but Valentina didn't feel like hearing her excuses, nor her brushing off the whole fight as a simple tantrum. She doubts that Eva understand how deeply she hurt her, how much it still pains Valetina her rejection.

She's tired and achy, she just wants to talk with Juliana. Valentina locks the door and throws herself into the bed, buries her face in the pillows and growls at the comfort it brings. She missed her bed. If she focus hard enough, she can still feel the faint perfume of Juliana. 

Valentina locks her jaw and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She's seriously debating going to Chivi's house when her phone rings. Valentina almost falls over trying to get to it.

"Hello? Hello? Juliana?"

_"Hi, Val."_  Juliana whispers, soft and delicate. Valentina could live forever in Juliana's gentle way of saying her name.

Relief washes over Valentina, it soothes all the pain and worry away, "hi." 

_"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner."_

"It's okay, it doesn't matter. Are you okay? I tried calling you so many times but I though- I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me and-" she's rambling but there's so much nervous energy in her. "I'm so sorry Juliana," her voice cracks.

Juliana exhales deeply.  _"I'm sorry too."_

"Are you okay?"

_"Yes, I'm fine."_  There's rustling on the other side, Juliana must be in bed already.  _"I'm better now."_

"Yeah?"

_"Yes, I- I left the house."_

"What?! How- Where are you? Are you safe?"

_"Yes, I'm staying at Perlita's."_

Valentina thinks for a moment, trying to remember where that is. "I'm coming over."

_"What? No, Val. It's not necessary."_

"Yes, it is." Valentina's already putting her shoes on, "I need to be there, with you."

_"No, Val. It's okay- I'm fine."_

"Juliana," Valentina begs.

_"Valetina,"_  the firm tone in which she says it makes Valentina stop.  _"I'm fine, I promise."_

"But-" she doesn't know how to ask. Are they okay? Is she mad with Valentina and doesn't want to see her anymore? It hurts, right bellow her ribs.

Juliana seems to sense it.  _"Can you come tomorrow?"_

"Yes! Yes, I would go tomorrow." Just like that, Juliana makes it better. All the anxiety leaves Valentina and she settles on the pillows. "You sure you are okay?"

_"I'm fine here. Now." with you._

Valentina relates. Only now, with Juliana quietly breathing on the other side she feels calm. They don't need to be talking, they take comfort knowing the other is on the other side.

"I'm back at the house."

_"Really?_

"Yeah."

_"Well, this has been a busy day for us."_

Valentina laughs, "A little bit, yeah."

_"Let's not repeat it, okay?"_

"Oh, my god. Yes! Please, not ever."

Juliana laughs, quiet and soft. _"How did it go? The going back. Are you okay?"_

"I think so." It wasn't what Valentina was expecting but at least she didn't end up crying. Sort of. "I'm okay."

_"Yeah? I'm glad that you could go back."_

"Guille didn't want to, he's back at Renata's."

_"Poor Renata."_

Valentina laughs, remembering Renata's teasing Guille's lack of skills in the house. And Juliana's face when Valentina told her about it. She feels so much lighter. Happy. In the small amount of time they had been talking, Juliana made everything better, just by being there on the other side.

Valentina falls asleep to Juliana's calm voice, finally she has the comfort she's been craving.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Wherever there is you, I will be there too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote all types of strong women in this chapter. Because there are a lot of ways to be one.
> 
> Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we raise them. May we be them.
> 
> But, also, may we fight for them. Specially now.


End file.
